Breaking free
by Powermouse
Summary: Bella Swan and Alice Cullen are best friends ever since High School. They have nothing in common, but are still like sisters. Bella is happy with her life and the people in it, if there wasn t Alice s brother that was also Bella s personal devil...
1. Chapter 1

"Bella!!!!" I groaned and turned around in bed, trying to ignore the shrieking voice right outside my bedroom door.

"Bella! Are you awake?" The voice asked too happy.

"Go away, Alice." I groaned and pulled my blanket over my head.

"I know this is your way of telling me that you love me and that this is your grumpiness talking out of you." She chirped, still too happy and opened the door.

"I said. Go. Away." I growled, but she jumped onto my bed and began to pull my blanket away.

"Alice…" I warned.

"Oh shut up, Bella. It´s Saturday and it´s a lovely and sunny day. Don´t hide all day long in bed. We have a lot to do." I huffed and turned to face her. My best friend was kneeling on my bed, her hands on her small hips.

"It´s…" I took a look at the alarm clock.

"… 7.30 AM. What the fuck, Alice!" she just rolled her eyes.

"I let you sleep in, dear Bella. I´m awake for hours." She complained.

"Alice, I´m not a Duracell Bunny, like you. I NEED sleep and A LOT of it." I snapped.

"Come on, Bella. You promised me to go shopping today. The dinner party at my parents´ house is tonight and you still have no dress."

Crap, the dinner party. Right! I didn´t want to go. Not that I didn´t love Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, better said Carlisle and Esme. I also loved her brother Emmett, who was a great buddy. But I couldn´t face him. Not today, not tonight or ever. I couldn´t face my personal devil… Edward.

As Alice and me had been best friends, ever since I had moved to Forks to live with my dad Charlie, who was the chief of police, at the age of 17 we had been best friends.

Ever since then, the Cullens had been like a 2nd family to me. Esme was the motherfigure I never had, Carlisle was like a 2nd father, Em was the big and protective big brother I had always wished for and Alice… she was not only my best friend, but also my sister in so many ways.

After graduating highschool, we went to NY to college together. She studied design, while I studied to become a journalist and writer. We shared a dorm together and after finishing, we moved into a lovely little apartment. To others it looked like Alice and me couldn´t be more different. She was bubbly, hyperactive, sweet, easy socializing and cute. And I was… none of that. I was silent, kept to myself, was extremely shy and blushed all the time. It was hard to me to socialize with others, but I was fine with that. I didn´t need many people around me or many friends. I knew who my true friends were and that was all I needed.

After a few years in NY, Alice and me got homesick and so we decided to move to Seattle to be nearer to her family and my dad. Alice opened her own boutique, which rocked from day one on and I got a job at the Seattle times. We were happy with our lives.

Well, I was mostly happy… I would be thoroughly happy, if there wasn´t Alice 2nd brother Edward. From the moment, I stepped into Forks High on my first day, he made fun of me, called me names…

Okay, I never was the school princess or cute new girl. I was the silent freak that kept to herself and rarely spoke to anybody. It took Alice 2 weeks to get me to speak to her properly for the first time.

I loved romantic novels, long discussions with my Dad about everything and classical music. I loved to watch people instead of interacting with them and I loved food… at least back then. Yes, I used to be the fat girl and Edward didn´t let pass by a chance to remind me of it. At first I was hurt by his behavior, but eventually I couldn´t care anymore and shot back. The look on his face, when I shot back for the first time was priceless and I had already hoped he would leave it, right? Right? WRONG!

He bullied me with new found passion.

Well, I could live with that. At least he talked to me for SOME reason…

"BELLA!" called Alice and snapped her fingers in front of me.

"Huh?" I asked and looked confused at her.

"Where did you just go?" she asked a littlebit concerned.

"Nowhere, Alice. Okay… I´m up. Give me 20 and I´ll be ready to leave.

I knew she didn´t believe me, but didn´t push further. That I loved about her. She knew when to let me be.

"Okay… I´ll make us breakfast. We´ll need a lot of energy today." She sang and bounced out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Alice dragged me into every boutique there was in Seattle, forced me to try on different dresses and then decided they were not ´perfect´ for me.

"Alice… please! I beg you! No more shopping!" I went over to a nearby bench, where I slumped down.

"Bellaaaa… Just one more store, I promise. I have a feeling that we´ll find the perfect dress there." She begged with puppy eyes.

Ah, Alice and her ´feelings´. They always came out of nowhere and mostly turned out to be true, so who was I to argue.

"Okay, Alice." I sighed tiredly. She began to jump up and down of excitement.

"But nothing more, understood? I can´t take anymore." I added in warning.

"I promise, Bella. Believe me, we will find the perfect dress." With that she grabbed my hand and pulled me into a nearby boutique.

"Come out, Bella." She sang as I stood in the changing cabin and looked at myself. I had never considered myself as anything different than plain and boring, even after I had lost so much weight over the years. But with this dress on, I had to admit that I didn´t look too bad.

"Bella!" I took a deep breath and opened the curtain. Alice froze, her eyes wide and eying me up and down.

"Oh my god." She whispered. Alice could whisper?

"Uhm… I… what do you think?" I stuttered and bit my lip.

"Bella, it´s… that´s… you are so… pretty!" she squeaked and embraced me in a tight hug.

"You think so?" I asked still not fully convinced. She pulled back and smiled brightly at me.

"I know it. This is the perfect dress for you."

When we got out of Alice´s car, we already heard talking, laughter and soft music from the garden. It was a nice and warm night, so the dinnerparty was outside. Esme´s dinnerparties were famous and nobody ever declined her invitation, if it wasn´t for a _really _good reason.

I felt selfconscious in my dress next to Alice, but not too much. Alice wore a short, still appropriate lime green dress that complimented her perfect body and the made her green eyes stand out even more.

"Don´t be nervous, Bella. You´re looking beautiful. Every male at this party will want to hit on you." Giggled Alice, while I blushed forcefully.

I was really looking up to Alice for her natural. She seemed to be never shy or selfconscious. Everytime she walked into a room, she seemed to enjoy the attention she got from everybody. She would smile into the room and nobody would know what hit them. She had a way about her that drew people in. I couldn´t imagine anybody not liking Alice Cullen.

"Come on." Alice took my hand and led me through the house into the garden.

Like the sounds had indicated, the garden was full of people. They stood in little groups, involved in conversations. Some were serious, others just meaningless blabber. None the less, as soon as Alice and me came into sight the conversations around us stopped and several heads turned to us. While Alice flashed them a breathtaking smile, I looked at the ground and blushed.

"There you are!" I heard Esme´s happy voice and looked up. She looked beautiful with her caramel wavy hair, the green eyes and the crème colored dress she wore.

"Thank you for the invitation, Esme. You are looking beautiful." I said soft as she hugged me.

"Oh, Bella. You don´t have to thank me. You are family, remember? And you 2 are beyond beautiful tonight." Her eyes and words were honest.

After hugging her daughter, she took both our hands and led us over to Carlisle.

"Alice, Bella!" he called and pulled us into a grouphug.

"Hey, Dad. Already enjoying the wine?" giggled Alice and nudged him in the side. Carlisle was a handsome and wonderful man with his blond hair and the sparkling blue eyes. He was one of the kindest persons I knew, but always a little hesitant. Except when he had a glass of wine or two, then he liked to… loosen up.

"Always am, kiddo. You 2 are looking lovely tonight." He chuckled.

"Aww, isn´t he the best Dad ever?" cooed Alice in a little girl´s voice and winked at me.

"Definitely… next to Charlie." I giggled.

"Oh yes… Esme invited him, but he has to work." Carlisle looked apologizing at me.

"That´s okay. He´s always busy." All three of us knew that it was a lie. Charlie just felt out of place at such occasions… well, like father, like daughter. But I didn´t blame him.

"Hells Bells!" boomed a voice behind me and before I knew, I was swept up in a big bear hug.

"Emmett! Put me down!" I squeaked surprised, but he only laughed wholeheartedly.

Emmett was Alice oldest brother and refused to grow up and I loved him for that. He may have looked scary with his bulky tall frame, but his brown curls and the dimpled cheeky grin proved that he was just one big teddy bear. I really loved him like a brother.

"Whoa, Bells. You´ve lost weight again." He said as he put me back down and frown at me.

"It´s okay, Em." I smiled up at him, but the concern was still there in his eyes.

"Just be careful, kiddo, or you´ll begin to look ill." I nodded and kissed his cheek. He was really always protective about me.

As somebody cleared his throat next to us, I looked to my right. There stood a blond bombshell. Her hair was long and wavy, her body to die for. She eyes me cold, before smiling at Emmett.

"Oh yeah. Alice, Bella… this is Rosalie Hale. Rose, these are my 2 younger sisters." Introduced Em proud. Rose´s eyes narrowed at me.

"Nice to meet you. I´ve heard a lot about you." She said in a cold voice while we shook hands.

"Rose is the new attorney at my lawfirm." Explained Em somehow nervous.

"Wow, that´s really great. And I love your dress, by the way." Chirped Alice. I knew that Rose was lost, when I saw a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Well, thank you. I like yours, too."

"So, did you just move here?" I asked to make small talk. Rose´s smile disappeared immediately, as she nodded.

Whoa, she really didn´t like me.

"Yes, my brother and me moved here from Oregon." Right then, a goodlooking man walked towards us. He was tall with wavy blond hair and blue eyes. Rose´s brother, that was out of question.

"Ah, there you are. May I introduce? These are Emmett´s sisters Bella and Alice." She said as he stopped next to her.

"This is my brother Jasper." She added.

"It´s a pleasure to meet you." He shook my hand with a kind smile, but when he turned to Alice, his eyes widened and a soft pink spread over his face.

As I looked at Alice, I saw that she stared up at him with doe eyes. They didn´t say anything, they just stared each other, completely forgetting about the world around them.

Em nudged my shoulder with his.

"Sh… Bells. What´s going on?" he whispered.

I looked at Rose and we shared a knowing look.

"Come, Em. I´m thirsty." She grabbed his arm and pulled him away. Maybe she wasn´t that unfriendly.

I left the 2 lovebirds and walked around the backyard by myself. I smiled at the people I passed by, but walked fast enough before anybody could approach me. So, I ended up in front of Edward´s former treehouse. He and Em had built it with Carlisle´s help when they were little and slept many nights in there. When they grew older, Alice and me took it over, much to the dismay of the boys. We decorated it with Esme and spent hours there just doing girly stuff. I came here after my first boyfriend Mike Newton broke up with me. I spent the whole night crying, before Alice found me and called my freaked out father to tell him that I was alright.

Getting lost in my memories, I climbed up the ladder and looked around it. Nothing had changed, there were still the table with the 2 chairs, the curtains and the old posters of former pop stars, Alice and me have had a crush on. I walked over to one of the chairs and took a seat. I had the perfect view over the party from here and looked at all the people. Em and Rose were flirting happily, while Esme and Carlisle stood with a few people and made conversation. Jasper and Alice acted like shy teenagers with each other. He brushed nervously with his hand through his hair, while she giggled like a school girl. I was really happy for them.

A noise from the door made me jump. Somebody was just coming up the ladder and though I could just see the silhouette in the dimmed light, I knew who it was. My heart went into overdrive, as he put his foot onto the wood and straightened up.

"Who are you?" snapped the most beautiful voice in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody! I hope you like my story so far. Thank you all for the lovely reviews, they really made my day.**

**Well, this is the first time I´m posting a Fanfic here and English isn´t my mothertongue. So I hope you´ll forgive me the faults. But I´m really trying my best. **

**So, enjoy the new chapter.**

"Oh, I´m sorry, I…" I began to stutter and jumped out of my seat. I saw him tensing up.

"No, I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to be rude." He sighed and brushed with his hands through his hair.

"It´s okay." I whispered and looked at the ground. A tensed silence followed, but I didn´t dare to look up.

"Uhm… I better go now." I mumbled and moved towards the exit, but he blocked my way.

"Who are you?" I was near enough now to see his features in the dim light. He looked even better than all those years before. Time had come to his favor. His features were sharper, his body more muscular, but still lean. His green eyes bore into mine and sent my heart into overdrive.

"I´m… I… really have to go." I whispered, stepped around him and climbed down the ladder before he could do anything else. My heart was racing, my face red and flustered. What had that been? Wasn´t I over him for years? Guess not. But I couldn´t start to read things into this situation that weren´t there.

"Bella, are you okay?" asked Alice, as I approached our table.

"I´m fine." I lied with a weak smile.

"Where have you been?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"I… just needed a moment to myself, that´s all." Her eyes narrowed even more.

"So, how did it go with Jasper?" I asked fast to distract her. Her eyes lit up, the most beautiful smile appearing on her perfect lips.

"Oh my god, Bella. He´s… he´s just… perfect. A gentleman through and through and did you see how goodlooking her is?" she gushed and blushed.

"Seemed like the 2 of you hit it off." I replied happily.

"Uhm… we´ll see." She mumbled and smiled shyly at the table where Jasper sat. He flashed her a breathtaking smile in return.

"He´s so into you." I stated and her face went up in flames.

"You think so?" her voice was hopeful but small.

"Definitely. Look at how he looks at you, like it hurts him to be so far away from you." She sighed.

"That´s how I feel." The whisper was almost too low for me to hear, but I did. I got up.

"Where are you going?" asked Alice alarmed.

"You owe me big." I answered smiling before I walked over to where Jasper sat.

"Uhm… sorry to disturb, but could you do me a favor, Jasper?" I asked sweetly.

"Oh, Bella." He jumped out of his seat to great me, a real gentleman.

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"I wondered… as you are sitting with Emmett at the table, and as I haven´t seen my big brother…. I would really like to catch up with him and I thought if you would mind switching seats with me?" I asked unsure. Gosh, I was such a bad liar.

Em had to bite his tongue to not burst into laughter and Rose coughed to hide her laughter.

"Oh…" Jasper´s eyes lit up as he realized where my seat was.

"Of course, Bella. It would be my pleasure." He answered happy.

"But only if it´s no problem for you. I don´t want to…." But he had already turned to walk over to Alice.

"Catching up, huh?" asked Em amused. I stoke out my tongue to him.

"You are really good, girl. But you have to work on your lying skills." Said Rose now. Maybe she was okay after all.

"Uhm… thanks?"

"So… are Alice and you having a fight?" asked Em now.

"What? Why would we?" I looked confused at him.

"Because you don´t want to sit next to her. Did she annoy you?" I looked at Rose, who shook giggling her head. I knew Em would freak out if he knew what was really going on and so I just nodded.

"What do you do for living, Bella?" asked Rose now. She wasn´t as cold as before, but still wary.

"Our Bells is a journalist for the Seattle times." Answered Em proud.

"Oh, really? That´s great." Rose looked truly surprised.

"Yes, the job is great, but I also work on being a writer." I replied with a shy smile.

"Are you like writing a novel or something?" I blushed.

"I´m trying to." Again Em interjected.

"Don't act like that, Bells. You are good at what you are doing." I smiled thankful at him.

Somebody called Em´s name and he excused himself from us. An arkward silence followed, but I really didn´t know how to talk to Rose. She was kind of intimidating.

"You aren´t really his sister, are you?" she asked out of nowhere and I jumped.

"No, I´m not. Alice and me are best friends and I spent a lot of time here with the family." Her eyes narrowed at me.

"Is or was there something going on between you and Em?" I looked horrified at her.

Sure, Em was a great guy and he was goodlooking, but dating him?

"Eww." I blurted out before I could stop myself and covered my mouth with both my hands.

"I mean…" but Rose burst into laughter. It sounded beautiful.

"It´s okay, Bella. That was the truest reaction I´ve ever got and I´m happy you think like that." She said, trying to catch her breath.

"Sorry, but Em is really only like a brother to me." She finally calmed down and nodded.

"I´m sorry for my behavior. But when I saw how Em acted with you, I thought…" she trailed of with a snort.

"It´s okay, Rose. But I can assure that there was, is and never will be something going on between the 2 of us." A true smile spread over her beautiful face.

"Good to know. What do you think? Shall we start all over again?"

"I´d like that." She held out her hand.

"Hello, my name is Rosalie Hale but please call me Rose. I´m Em´s new girlfriend." I took her hand and shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Rose. I´m Isabella Swan, but please call me Bella. Em it the stupid, goofy-like, childish and overprotective, big brother I never had." We looked for a moment at each other before we burst into laughter.

"Hey, what´s going on here?" asked Em as he came back to the table.

"Nothing, Baby. I like your little sister." Answered Rose honest.

"Likewise." I said.

"Huh? Wow, that´s really cool."

Dinner was about to start and there was still one vacant seat at our table. The humming of all the voices in the garden was animated, but not too loud. I noticed that I really enjoyed being here and had a lot of fun with Rose and Em. They were perfect for each other and madly in love. I was really happy for them. From time to time, I looked to where Alice and Jasper sat. They just stared dreamingly at each other, completely forgetting the world around them.

"Hey, man. Where have you been?" I heard Em´s booming voice and turned my head around. Edward made his way over to our table, a charming smile on his lips and his eyes looking at… me?

"Sorry, I… was busy." He answered his brother´s question and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"It´s okay, Eddie. Time you showed up." Edward´s beautiful frowned at his big brother for calling him ´Eddie´. He hated when somebody called him like that.

"So, who is your lovely company?" he asked, eying me.

"Oh, that´s my girlfriend Rosalie Hale. Rose, this is my little brother Edward." Introduced Em and they shook hands.

After that he turned to me, his eyes curious.

"I´m Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you." I gasped, while Em coughed on air.

"Baby, you okay?" asked Rose concerned and patted his back.

Edward still held out his hand to me, but I didn´t know what to do.

"Eddie…. I mean… don´t you recognize her?" asked Em after he had calmed down. Edward´s brows furrowed in confusion.

"Uhm… have we met before?" he asked unsure, but I still couldn´t talk.

"Seriously, little brother? Oh, this is too good." Laughed Em heartedly.

Before Em could make more fun of his little brother, I took his hand and jumped at the sudden electricity that went through my body. Edward gasped in surprise, so I was sure that he had felt it, too.

"I´m Isabella Swan." I mumbled and wanted to pull away, but his grip on my hand tightened.

"Isabella Swan…" he mumbled to himself, but then his eyes went wide.

"Bella?" I blushed and nodded.

"Wow… great to see you again." Eventually, he let go of my hand and brushed with it through his hair.

"Take a seat man, dinner is about to start." Suggested Em now.

This was Edward´s seat? Great, I had just started to enjoy the evening.

**Liked it? Hated it? Please tell me what you are thinking about it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, here´s the new update. Some of you were surprised by the way Bella reacted after the way Edward had treated her. Find out what is really in store for Edward **

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews. They really made my day.**

The whole time, I felt Edward´s eyes on me, but I chose to ignore him. How was I to react? Talk to him and make nice conversation? I knew he would use my weakness against me at some point and I so didn´t want to go there. Instead, I talked with Em and Rose, who were real fun. Though Rose had been really cold at the beginning, she turned out to be real nice and funny.

"Wait, Bella. It was you, who hit Em so hard he fainted?" asked Rose and burst into laughter.

"It was an accident" I mumbled and blushed deeply.

"That it was. Our Bells here is a real klutz." Agreed Em grinning. I glared at him, but couldn´t help the little smile tugging on my lips.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Announced Rose suddenly and shot me a look. In a girl´s world that meant, that she wanted me to join her.

"Using the cliché?" I giggled and rose from my seat.

"Alice, you´re coming?" asked Rose as we passed by her table.

She excused herself and followed us inside.

"So, tell me, Bella. What is going on with you and Edward?" asked Rose calmly as we washed our hands. I jumped and looked with wide eyes at her.

"What are you talking about?" I gasped.

"Oh, please. He´s been staring at you since you arrived. Is he your ex or something?" I saw Alice from the corner of my eye. She was shaking slightly under silent laughter.

"More my personal devil." I replied in a huff. Rose´s perfectly manicured eyebrow raised.

"Edward used to bully Bella why we were still in school." Explained Alice sad.

"Really?" I nodded.

"How come?" A shiver ran down my spine.

"Come, I´ll show you." Came Alice to my rescue and led us into her former room.

She silently walked over to the shelf where some pictures stood, took one and handed it to Rose.

"Nice picture. Who is the other girl?" A pain shot into my chest. I knew which picture it was without looking. It had been taken during the summer before our senior year. The Cullens were having a barbeque and I was, like always, with them. Alice and me had so much fun that day… well, except for the fact that Edward was there and used every opportunity to show me that he thought that I ate like a pig. In the end, I stopped eating at all in front of him.

"Uhm… that's me." I mumbled almost too low.

"That´s… you?" asked Rose shocked. I bit my lip and nodded.

"Wow, you were…" she started.

"Fat." I ended for her. I knew she was about to say that anyway, so I didn´t mind. But her reaction got me off guard.

"That´s not what I wanted to say. I was about to say… beautiful." Though her voice sounded sincere, I snorted.

"Yeah, sure." But she shook her head, her eyes sad.

"I mean it, Bella. Look at you. Okay, you were chubby, but your eyes sparkle so much in this picture, your smile is true and… you seem to be more alive back then." I searched for a moment in her face, before realizing something.

"You? No way!" I called. She sighed and nodded.

"But… you are… perfect."

"Nobody is. But… yeah. Me too." To say I was shocked was the understatement of the year.

"Uhm… may I ask what you are talking about?" asked Alice in a small voice. I had completely forgotten that she was here.

"As a teenager I was fat. Nothing I´m proud of, but also nothing I need to hide." Answered Rose. Alice gasped.

"Wow… I mean… wow!" we giggled silently.

"Okay… enough of this trip down memory lane, let´s go back." I suggested now. The girls agreed and we started to walk back, but then Rose held me back.

"Bella, about Edward…" I tensed up.

"I think he likes you." A monumental blush made its way up my face.

"And you like him, too."

"I don´t." I mumbled and looked at the ground.

"You do and that´s okay. But don´t forgive him so easily. He deserves to be punished." A wicked gleam appeared in her eyes as she said that.

"What do you mean?" asked Alice with a mixture of hesitation and curiosity.

"I don´t know what he did to Bella, but he has to pay."

"Girls… that´s ridiculous." I tried to reason, but they ignored me.

"It´s not…." Rose tapped her chin with her forefinger.

"Oh, I got it. Be nice to him tonight. Ask him to dance and all and then show him the cold shoulder." My eyes widened in horror.

"I can´t do that, Rose." But she just nodded.

"I know my brother. That will never work." Came Alice now to my rescue.

"Oh, it doesn´t? That´s how I got Emmett." We gasped.

"Yupp… this is your game now, not his." Though I didn´t feel actually happy with the idea, something inside me got curious and told me to try it.

"Okay, I´ll try. But I can´t grant for anything." Rose´s face lit up and Alice began to jump up and down.

"Great! And today is just the start." She stated devilish.

"Alice, you remember we are talking about YOUR brother." I giggled.

"Yes, but he´s been a real bastard to you. Revenge is a bitch." And then all 3 of us burst into laughter.

"Okay, let´s go back." Said Rose and took both Alice´s and my hand.

Em and Edward were in a deep conversation as we came back to the table. Alice winked at me and danced over to a yearningly waiting Jasper.

"Breaking free, phase 1." Whispered Rose into my ear.

"Breaking free?" I asked confused.

"That´s the name of our mission, Bella. We´ll help you to break free from him." I just nodded, not able to ignore the tight feeling in my chest. I had to do this for myself, but it didn´t feel good.

"There are our beautiful ladies." Said Em as he caught sight of us. We smiled brightly at him and slid into our seats.

"Did you miss me, baby?" purred Rose.

"Of course. What were you doing so long?" he pouted, obviously complete wax in her hands.

"Oh, the girls showed me some pictures." She winked at me which I returned with a weak smile.

"Oh yes, good old times. Right, Eddie?" chuckled Em. I thought I heard Edward wince next to me. Surely at being called by the nickname he hated so much.

I turned to him and flashed him a shy smile. He hitched a breath and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"What were you talking about?" asked Rose now to change the subject.

"Oh… just…" Em shot Edward a quick look, who glared at Em.

"Work?" it sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Em told me you are a doctor, is that right?" asked Rose now interested.

"Yes, at Seattle Grace." Answered Edward somehow tight.

"Edward is a wonderful doctor." I said soft and heard a sharp intake of air next to me, but didn´t dare to look at him.

"He is?" asked Rose truly surprised.

"Eddie is a kids´ doctor. He´s really great with them." Agreed Em wholeheartedly. Though his little brother could be a prick, he was really proud of him.

"That´s wonderful, Edward." Said Rose in a soft voice, but there was something in it that made me shiver. She smiled at Edward, but it didn´t reach her eyes.

"So… uhm… Bella. How have you been in the last… years?" Stuttered Edward almost unsure and looked at me. I chanced a glance at him and sighed.

"5 years." I mumbled to myself.

"What did you say?" he asked kindly.

"It´s been 5 years, Edward. And I´ve been really good. Spent a lot of time with your sister." I answered over happily and flashed him a fake smile.

"Yeah, sure… I´ve heard that you are a journalist for the Seattle times now?"

Huh? He knew that?

"Uhm… yes, I´m working there for about 2 years now." His eyes bore into mine and I had to give all to not get lost in the beautiful seagreen.

"That´s wonderful. I´m sure Charlie is really proud of you." I bit my lip, but nodded.

Why would he care?

An arkward silence followed as I didn´t know what to say, but as I heard the music begin to play, Rose kicked me under the table.

"Oh… Edward?" A traitorous blush crept us my face.

"Yes, Bella?" his voice was so soft, like velvet.

"Would you… like to… dance?" I couldn´t believe that I really asked Edward to dance with me. His eyes widened in surprise.

"It´s okay." I added with a fake giggle.

"I would love to." He said honest, got up and held out his hand to me. My eyes were surely impossibly wide.

"Shall we?" he flashed me a charming smile that sent my heart into overdrive. As I didn´t trust my voice, I just nodded, took his hand and let him lead me to the little dancefloor.

A few couples were already swaying to the music and watched us smiling.

Suddenly Edward stopped and turned to me, his right hand went around my waist, while his left hand took my right hand in his. His scent swirled around me at our close proximity. It was intoxicating. Slowly we began to sway to the music and I looked everywhere but at him.

"You are looking lovely tonight, Bella." He whispered in my ear. Of course I blushed furiously, my eyes downcast.

"Uhm… thank you?" he chuckled softly; which warmed my whole inside. Damn, this man was too perfect for his own good.

"Look, I´m sorry that we didn´t see each other in the last 5 years, but Alice kept me updated." He said now and I gasped.

"She… she did?" I asked and eventually looked at him. He nodded with a soft smile.

"You are her best friend for the last 10 years after all. To Mum and Dad you are a part of the family. The same for Alice and even Emmett."

Yeah, but not for you. You let me feel that. Thank you.

"Oh… your family is wonderful. I feel very thankful that they accept me the way they do." I said instead of telling him what I really thought. He stiffened slightly, but I didn´t understand why.

"You are a wonderful person, Bella. How could they not love you?" he whispered.

I looked everywhere but at him and my eyes locked with Rose, who nodded with a little smile.

Luckily the song ended at this moment.

"Well, thank you for the dance, Edward." I said in a cold voice and took a step back. His face fell.

"Uhm… how about another dance?" though I would have loved to dance with him again, I couldn´t.

"Thank you, but no. I´m thirsty." With that I turned around and walked back to the table, where Rose smiled knowingly at me, while Em grinned happily.

"Seems like somebody is falling in love." He sang and wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Who? You 2 are already in love, aren´t you?" I replied in fake innocence. He frowned for a moment before his booming laughter filled the air.

"That´s true. But maybe you are falling in love, too." Of course I blushed, but I wouldn´t let him get me.

"Sorry, Em. You are taken and it´s the number 1 rule in the girly world to not steal the man of a friend." He coughed and I smirked at him.

"Wow, where did that come from?" he asked. I just shrugged.

"I´ll go and say goodbye to Esme and Carlisle. It´s late and I´m tired." I hugged Em and Rose.

"That was great work, girl. You´ll bring him down." She whispered, but I wasn´t so sure.

I said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle and then went off to search for Alice, but she was nowhere to be found.

"She left a while ago." I heard a well known voice behind me and stiffened.

"Okay, thank you. I´ll just call a taxi." I replied without turning around and fetched my cell out of my bag.

"I could drive you." He offered suddenly.

"What?" I said a bit too loud and whirled around. He smiled shy at me and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"Well, she´s my sister and she seem to have forgotten you over something…" he began in the cutest way.

"You mean somebody." I mumbled to myself.

"What?" he asked alarmed.

"Oh, nothing." I smiled sweetly at him.

"Well… yeah. Let me drive you home, Bella. It´s really no problem." He got on.

Damn, those eyes.

"That´s too kind, Edward, but this is your parents´ party. You should stay longer and talk to the guests. But thank you anyway." I began to type the number of a taxi station, but couldn´t finish when a big hand covered mine.

"It´s really no problem. Honestly, Dad told me to drive you." He said softly. He stood too near, so near that I felt the warmth radiating from his body.

"Bella… please?" A shiver ran down my spine when I felt his breath on my ear.

"Okay." I whispered almost too low for him to hear.

Before I knew it, his arm was around my waist and he led me over to a shiny new Volvo.

"Still a Volvo fan?" I asked with one raised eyebrow, remembering that he already drove the same brand of car while we were still in highschool. He shot me a strange look before flashing me a heartstopping smile.

"You gotta stick with the best." Before I could recover from my daze, he had opened the passenger´s door for me.

"So, where do you live?" he asked as he sat in the driver´s seat.

I just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, right… you´re living with Alice." I just nodded and looked out of the window.

Luckily the drive wasn´t too long and Edward didn´t try to make any conversation.

"Well, that´s me." I said and wanted to get out, but he jumped out of the car and raced over to my door to open it for me.

"Uhm… thank you." I mumbled surprised. He flashed me another of his dazzling smiled.

There was an arkward silence AGAIN, when we stood at the car.

"Uhm… thank you for driving me home. I guess I see you around." I mumbled and turned to leave.

"Bella?" he asked and I turned back to him.

"Yes?" he sighed and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"Would you like to… go out sometime soon? You know… dinner and maybe a movie?" I stared with wide eyes at him, my mouth wide open. Could he be serious?

"I… I…" I began to stutter, not knowing what to do. He looked so shy and adorable, all I wanted to do was to agree and hug him, but then the memories of all the times he had bullied me came rushing back. Tears welled up in my eyes and threatened to spill over, but I managed to keep them at bay.

This was Edward Cullen, my best friend´s brother, successful doctor, ladies man… he was goodlooking, no perfect and tonight he was beyond sweet, but he was still something else… my personal devil.

"So?" he asked hopeful.

"I´m sorry, Edward. That´s not a good idea. Good night." With that I walked straight to my door and vanished inside.

I may still be in love with him. Hell, I´ve always been, but I wouldn´t let him break me again.

**Okay, this one is quite long. I hope you liked it.**

**Just tell me what you thought. And if you have any suggestions, don´t hesitate to tell me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again. Thank you all for the lovely reviews. **

**Sorry, this is a short chapter, but I didn´t have much time.**

**Enjoy!**

I tossed and turned in bed, trying to find some needed sleep that I knew wouldn´t come. Around 3 AM, I gave up with a sigh and got up.

Why couldn´t I sleep if I was so tired? Why couldn´t my brain stop thinking? And WHY couldn´t it stop thinking about HIM?

In hope of calming down, I made myself a cup of tea and cuddled into my favorite chair in the livingroom. Alice was still not back and I didn´t think she wouldn´t before the morning. To pass the time, I grabbed my old and worn copy of Wuthering Heights and got lost in a world that was sometimes so much better than the world I lived in.

"BELLA!" screamed Alice and I jumped.

"Alice? What happened? Are you okay?" I asked alarmed, but she burst into laughter.

"Sorry, dear Bella, but I´m trying to wake you up for a while now and you didn´t respond." I looked first confused at her and then around. I was still in the livingroom on my favorite chair. I must have fallen asleep.

"And you have to scare me like that?" I asked annoyed. She nodded giggling.

"When did you come in?" She definitely hadn´t spend the night here, as she still wore the outfit from the party.

"Uhm… I…"

"You just came in?!" she blushed deeply and nodded.

"Oh my god! Tell me ALL about it." She sat down next to me gracefully, the most beautiful smiled lighting up her face.

"Oh Bella, he´s… perfect. A true gentleman and just…" she sighed dreamingly.

"Well, not so much of a gentleman, huh?" I tease; which caused her to gasp.

"It wasn´t like that! We talked." She complained.

"Talked… and that´s why you forgot me at the party… right."

"Oh my god… shit… I totally forgot. I´m SO sorry! How did you get home? With a cab? I´ll pay for it. I´m really sorry." She began to rumble, but I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"It´s okay. Nothing to worry about. All that matters is that you are happy." She smiled gratefully at me.

"Thank you. But tell me. How did you get home?" I blushed scarlet.

"Uhm… it may have been your brother." I mumbled.

"Em? Really? Hmm… what about Rose, I mean… OMG! Edward drove you home." She suddenly squeaked so loud that I had to hold my ears.

"OMG, OMG, OMG! That´s perfect! How did it go? Tell me EVERYTHING!" she demanded, jumping up and down in her seat.

"It really was no big deal. He drove me home out of duty and that´s it." I really didn´t want her to know the truth.

"Oh… well, how nice of him." She replied somehow disappointer. My eyes narrowed at her.

"You didn´t plan this, did you?" she looked innocently at me, but I knew my best friend too good.

"Alice!" I called and got up.

"What, Bella? He likes you and you like him. It was so obvious during you dance last night." She complained, but I didn´t want to hear it.

"No, Alice. That´s not true. It was… I don´t know what it was, but it was not like that. Really great, thank you." With that I stormed off into my room.

Why was I so mad at her? Because she did it on purpose or because she was right? Okay, I admit it, I liked Edward… A LOT, but he could never see me like that. And it was time for me to get over it and move on.

A soft knock brought me back to reality.

"I´m sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you." Came Alice´s small voice from the other side of the door.

Though I was still mad, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"It´s okay, Alice. No harm done." She seemed to feel really guilty.

"What happened?" she asked soft as I slumped down onto the bed and took a seat next to me.

"He asked me out."

"Oh." Was her smart answer.

"And… what did you say?" Though she tried to be there for me, I saw the light of excitement in her eyes.

"I told him it wasn´t a good idea." Disappointment filled her eyes.

"I´m sorry. This whole plan was a bad idea, wasn´t it?" I just nodded, realizing that I couldn´t do it. Though I wanted to break free from him, I couldn´t put myself back out there and risk of him hurting me again.

"I´m really sorry." She said again and hugged me tight.

"It´s okay, Alice. I´m sorry that it´s like that between him and me. It´s surely not easy for you." She was about to complain, when the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" we asked in unison.

"Maybe Jasper can´t get enough of you." I winked at her and she blushed.

"Do you think so? Oh my god! I can´t face him like that. I need to take a shower and get changed. Please, Bella. Go and open the door for me."

And the pixy was back in full mode.

"Alice! I´m still in my pajamas." I complained, but she would have nothing of that.

"Please, Bella. If you love me than do it for me." Together with her plea, came the puppy eyes of which she knew I couldn´t say no to.

"Fine, but you owe me… big time." I huffed and got. She hugged me tight and flew out of the room.

I dragged my feet to the frontdoor, not looking forward to Jasper seeing me in my pajamas.

"Hey, Jasper. Sorry, but Alice isn´t…" I gasped shocked and nearly threw the door closed when I realized who stood there.

"Ed… Edward?" he stood there in all his glory and smiled brightly at me.

"Good morning, Bella." He greeted in the sweetest way, but then he took in what I was wearing and tensed up.

My pajamas… shit.

"Uhm… come in." I mumbled, my face feeling hotter than ever before. He just nodded and passed my by without looking at me.

"Alice is just getting ready, so if you want to, you can sit in the livingroom and wait for her." His eyes snapped to mine before he nodded.

I stood there for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath.

"Alice Marie Cullen. I´m going to kill you." I swore under my breath and dashed into my room to get ready for the day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everybody! Again thank you for the lovely reviews and I also want to thank everybody who added my story to their favorites. **

**At first I want to apologize for a fault in my last chapter. Of course it´s now "Alice Marie", but "Mary Alice". My fault. **

**Okay, so here´s the new chapter. I hope you enjoy it. **

When I came back, freshly showered and in proper clothes, Alice was still nowhere to be seen. Edward sat in my chair and had my copy of Wuthering Heights in his hands.

"Sorry for the weird greeting." I mumbled. His head turned to me, his eyes raking over my body for a moment before locking on my eyes.

"It´s okay. I should have called before." I just nodded.

"I´ll prepare breakfast. Do you want to have some?"

"Uhm… actually I was wondering, if I may invite you to a cup of coffee?" he asked in the sweetest way and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"Edward… I…" but Alice cut me off.

"Hey, Edward! How are you?" she sang and hugged him.

"Hey, Alice. Good and you?" he replied kindly.

"I´m great. Ahm… listen Bella. Jasper called and asked me to spend the day with him. You don´t mind, do you? Sorry, Edward." She looked between the 2 of us with a smug smile. I didn´t like it at all.

"It´s okay, Al. I´ll just stay here." Her face a littlebit.

"Why that? You could spend some time with Edward. I feel bad, as he is already is here." I shot her a glare.

"I just asked Bella if she wanted to have breakfast with me." Said Edward in a small voice. She gasped and began to jump up and down.

"That´s perfect! You 2 go and I´ll wait for Jasper."

"Sure, that would be great. Bella?" he looked so hopeful at me. Instead of answering, I grabbed my best friend´s elbow.

"Alice, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked sweetly while dragging her towards the kitchen.

"We won´t be long, dear brother." She sang over her shoulder.

When we were out of earshot, I spun her to me.

"What the hell, Alice!" I hissed beyond mad.

"What´s up, Bella?" her innocent voice was such a fake.

"Me spending the day with Edward? Have you lost your freaking mind?" she sighed.

"Listen, Bella. I know I said that the plan was a bad idea, but why don´t you give him a chance. He obviously came for you."

"Yeah… sure." I snapped.

"No, no. I´m sure about it. I just have a feeling."

Oh no, not again. Alice and her feelings were annoying as hell and what made it worse was the fact that they were mostly true.

"Forget it, Al. This is the devil himself sitting in our livingroom in MY chair. I don´t…" but she cut me off.

"Oh come on, Bells. Do you want to get over him or not? To do that, you have to face him." She reasoned and I had to admit that she was right.

"But why? Can´t I just ignore him for the rest of my life?" her eyes turned sad.

"You could. But… he is my brother and you are my best friend. I love you both equally and I don´t want to have to choose between the 2 of you." Her words touched me. I always knew that it was hard for Alice that Edward and me didn´t get along, but I never knew how much.

"Maybe I could give it a try." I mumbled in thoughts.

Her face lit up and she began to jump up and down again.

"Really? Oh, Bella! That would make my day." I sighed exaggerated and nodded.

"Okay, I´ll do it. But only because I love you so much." She squeaked and hugged me tight.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are the BEST friend in this world. You won´t regret it, I promise." I snorted.

"I already do regret it, Al." Her smile faltered and I regretted saying what I said.

"Well, maybe it won´t be that bad." I offered lamely.

She didn´t respond, but grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the livingroom, where Edward stood in front of our photo wall. We had a wall with all kinds of pictures of us, our family and our friends over the years of our friendship.

"Okay, you 2 go and have fun." Sang Alice happily. Edward´s eyes widened for a moment, before a beautiful smile spread over his kissable lips.

_Whoa! Keep cool, Swan!_

"Great. Uhm… are you ready to go then?" I just nodded, grabbed my bag and walked outside.

"So, how are you?" asked Edward into the arkward silence, while we drove in his Volvo around.

"Good, thank you. What about you?" I answered kind, but distanced.

"Good, good." The silence was back and I really didn´t know what to say to him, so I turned my head and looked out of the window.

"Where are we going?" I asked after what felt like hours, but was only about 5 minutes.

"I know this Café a bit outside of town. I thought we could go there. But if you want to go somewhere else, that´s also fine with me." He answered nervous.

Why was he so nervous? Surely not because of me.

"No, that´s fine." I replied simply.

The drive was really tensed and arkward and so I was thankful when we finally arrived at the Café.

"Wow." I blurted out when Edward parked the car. It was just… lovely. The Café stood on a little hill surrounded by meadows and forest. When I turned my head, I saw the beautiful view.

"Do you like it?" asked Edward with a little smile.

"It´s beautiful." I answered honest and his smile grew into a big grin.

"Wait." Before I knew he was on my side of the car and opened the door for me.

"Thank you." I mumbled and looked down to hide my red face. Damn, who would have thought that he could be such a gentleman?

The inside of the Café was really comfy and sweet. As it was a sunny and warm day, we decided to sit outside on the terrace with the perfect view.

I was really hungry, but as I sat with Edward Cullen here, I didn´t dare to order something to eat.

"Aren´t you going to eat?" he asked with a frown.

"I´m not hungry." I answered, but of course my traitorous stomach had to growl right at that moment.

"Of course not. Please, Bella. Order whatever you want. This one is on me." I eyed him suspiciously before I sighed.

I really didn´t want to eat in front of him, but my stomach wouldn´t shut up, so I chose a fruit salad and a coffee.

"Is that all?" he asked surprised.

"Yepp." I snapped and looked over the landscape. It was really beautiful.

Maybe I could bring Charlie here some other time. I was sure he would like it and it would be a change from ´The Lodge´.

A little smile played around my lips at the thought of my father and all the nights we spent at the old restaurant back in Forks.

"What are you thinking?" I was brought back to reality by Edward´s soft and curious voice.

"Nothing important."

"Bella, listen… I…" but right then the waiter brought our food.

I looked at the food in front of me, but made no move to start eating.

"What is it? Don´t you like it? If you want to, you can order something else." He asked concerned as he noticed.

"No, it´s fine." I mumbled and took a little bite. I was really hungry, so I ate a littlebit, but not too much.

At first he seemed to be happy about me eating, but soon I saw him frowning at me.

"You need to eat more, Bella." He scolded. Somehow it was cute, but on the other hand it made me made.

"Since when are you my father?" I snapped and looked him square in the eyes.

"I´m not, but you are really thin and I don´t want you to get ill." He was fully in doctor-mode.

"Well, thank you. But I think I can decide myself when and how much to eat." He sighed.

"I just want you to be okay, Bella." His words were so low that I almost hadn´t heard them.

"Why that?" he stared at me like I had lost my mind.

"Why that? Because I do care for you." I snorted.

"Since when?" Pain crossed his beautiful face.

"I just do, so please eat." The way he talked to me… like a little child, made me really mad.

"I´m not hungry." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair.

"Bella." He warned, but I ignored him.

"Eat the damn fruitsalad." He snapped so mad that I jumped.

Okay, that was enough.

"You know what, Edward? Fuck off." With that I grabbed my bag, got up and all but ran out of the Café. He called me, but I ignored him.

Outside, I took a few calming breaths and tried to keep the tears that threatened to spill over at bay.

What now? I was in the middle of nowhere and had no car. Shit!

"Bella!" called Edward again as he came outside. He had followed me. I turned away from him and fished for my cell in my back.

"I´m sorry, Bella. I didn´t mean to be rude. Please…" but I shook my head.

"Forget it, Edward. It´s okay." I mumbled.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he noticed my cell.

"I´ll call a taxi so you won´t have to drive me back." I snapped without looking at him. Before I knew it, he was in front of me, his hands holding me at my shoulders.

"What? Come on, Bella. That´s no reason to run away. We can just… go back inside and forget about it." He tried to brush it off, but that only fueled my anger. As he tried to lead me back inside, I wriggled out of his grip and began to walk into the other direction.

"Bella! Don´t be so childish!" he half called, half sighed.

That was it. I turned to him with a death glare.

"Childish, Edward?" he gasped.

"No… I mean…" but I cut him off.

"It´s okay. I know what you think of me and that´s fine, really. I just don´t understand why you insisted to go and have breakfast with me." I ranted, all the time glaring at him.

"Bella, I´m sorry, okay?" he called, anger also rising inside him.

"It´s okay, it really is. Now let me call a taxi so I can go back home." I tried to dial again, but he grabbed my cell and held it out of my reach.

"Edward, give me the cell." I demanded in a deathly voice, but he ignored me.

"You are acting like a spoiled brat, Bella. First you calm down and then we´ll have a proper breakfast." I was sure I couldn´t get any madder.

"You stupid asshole." I mumbled low, but loud enough for him to hear. And he did as he gasped and his eyes widened.

"Give. Me. The. Damn. Cell." He heard me, but didn´t move.

Okay, he asked for it. I slapped him across the face with all my strength before stomping on his foot. He cried out in pain and I used the chance to grab my cell and to run off down the driveway.

Edward called after me, but I kept running, luckily without tripping and landing flat on my face or butt.

When I reached the street, an approaching car honked at me and I whirled around to shout at this stupid bastard in his Volvo, but it wasn´t him.

"Need a lift, Missy?" said a cheeky voice from inside the car and flashed me a charming smile.

A huge grin crawled over my face as I nodded and got into the car.

**Duh, duh, duh!!!!! Who could be the driver of the car and why does Bella jump in without hesitation? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everybody. Finally I managed to post a new chapter. Sorry it took a bit longer, but I´m ill at the moment and that´s kind of… exhausting. **

**Thank you all so much for reading, adding and reviewing on my story. I´m so happy that you like it and I thank all the reviewers for their great opinions.**

**Some of you think it´s disturbing that Edward is interested in Bella now, after she lost weight. Well… I can´t tell you anything now, but it will be explained later. I promised.**

**So, I hope you like the new chapter.**

"What are you doing here?" I asked with a big grin on my face.

"Well, I wanted to check on my favorite city-girl. Seems like I came along in the right moment." Though he winked at me, I could see concern in his eyes.

"You are my savior." I sighed half joking, half honest.

"What happened, Bells?" he asked now truly concerned.

"I just needed to get away." I answered and looked out of the window.

"From whom?" His voice was suddenly tight.

"Somebody." I sighed. Before I knew it, he hit the brakes really hard and pulled over to the side of the street.

"JAKE! Are you trying to kill us?" I called shocked, but he ignored my panicked words and turned in his seat to me.

"What happened?" His voice was so angry that a cold shiver ran down my spine.

"Edward Cullen." I whispered very low, hoping he wouldn´t hear it.

"WHAT? What were you doing with that…" No such luck, I guess.

"I met him last night at the Cullens´ party. This morning he came over and as Alice has a date, I went to have breakfast with him?" I explained, suddenly feeling really tired.

"Why did you do that?" his voice was softer now.

"I did it for Alice." He snorted and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What?"

"Seriously, Bells? For Alice?" I didn´t like the way he said that.

"Yes, for my BEST FRIEND Alice." I replied coldly.

"Best friend… may be she is your best friend, but what did she really do for you? Did she tell her brother off all the times he bullied you? Did she help you to face him after all this time? Did she protect you?" though his words were mean and made me mad, he was somehow right. Alice had never done anything like that for me. The realization hurt.

"I thought so. I know how much Alice means to you, but it´s time for you to think about yourself, girl… And now tell me what happened with Lord Dickward." His name for Edward made me giggle.

"Oh, it wasn´t much… he didn´t like my eating." I tried to shrug it off, but I knew my best male friend would have none of that. He had always been the one, who had comforted me and taken care of me after one of Edward´s attacks, but I never told him about the eating.

"How so?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"I… I don´t like to eat in front of Edward and he…"

"Don´t tell me he made fun of you again!" he called mad.

"No, no… he didn´t. But he wanted me to eat more and I… told him off." He was silent for a moment, before he burst into laughter.

"Really?" I nodded.

"I slapped him and stomped onto his foot." The laughter grew louder at my admission.

"That´s my Bells. Time you did that. He deserves even more than that." I blushed but couldn´t help the little smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth.

"Home sweet home." I sighed, as I walked into Alice´s and my flat.

"I really like your place, Bells. I hope the fridge is stocked." He grinned wide at me.

"Is there any time you aren´t hungry?" I teased and walked towards the kitchen.

"Ahm… let me think… nope. Always hungry and I know you are, too." Right then, my stomach growled and both of us burst into laughter.

"How about one of your delicious lasagnas for lunch?" he suggested now hopeful.

"That´s the least I can do for my savior." I hugged him tight before beginning to prepare lunch.

Jake sat at the kitchenisle and watched me working, but I knew he wanted to talk about something.

"Spill." I said without turning to him.

"You know me too good, Bells." He chuckled and I turned with a raised eyebrow to him.

"I need your help." He eventually said.

"About what?"

"I want to propose to Leah." The spatula fell out of my hand.

"You…?" he grinned sheepishly and nodded.

"Oh my god! That´s wonderful, Jake! I´m so happy for you!" I flew into his arms.

"You think so?" he asked unsure. I pulled back and looked at him.

"Absolutely." Jake and Leah had been dating for an eternity now. She also lived in La Push, like him and his father Billy and with time Leah and me had become friends. I knew how much she wished for Jake to propose to her.

"So, I shall ask her?" I nodded.

"She will be so happy." He sighed relieved.

"Cool! I thought about going to ´The Lodge´ and asking her there." I froze.

"What the hell, Jake? Is that all you came up with?" he looked surprised at me and nodded.

"How romantic." I stated sarcastically.

"Then what shall I do?" he asked exaggerated.

"Take her to Seattle to a nice restaurant for dinner and then take her for a walk through the park."

"But that´s not me, Bells." He complained.

"Oh, you are such a baby, Jake. Okay, then take her at least to Port Angeles. She deserves better than ´The Lodge´. Or make sure Billy is with Dad and then make dinner for her at your house." His eyes lit up.

"That´s a great idea, Bells. Thank you." He hugged me with all he had.

"Jake… breathe." I gasped, but his arms tightened around me.

"Toughen up, Bells." I hit his shoulder and he eventually pulled back.

"Big oaf." We burst into laughter, but were interrupted by the doorbell.

"I´ll get it." I said and walked over to the front door.

"Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how concerned I was? I´ve been searching you for the last 2 hours, but you had vanished!" greeted me a mad Edward before the door was fully open and then he hugged me tight.

"What the hell?" boomed Jake from behind me and pulled me back.

"Who is he, Bella?" asked Edward with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, you don´t even remember me, asshole?" spat Jake back. Never before had I seen him so mad.

"Edward, this is Jacob Black. Jake, you remember Edward." Jake snorted, while Edward glared at him.

"Why did you vanish?" he asked me instead of acknowledging Jake.

"Jake drove by and drove me home." I answered with a shrug.

"Something could have happened to you, Bella. I thought somebody kidnapped you or…"

"And you would care because…?" I cut him off. He winced slightly.

"I DO care, Bella. Listen… can we talk alone?" he eyes Jake suspiciously, whose arm was around my waist.

"Why? Bells and me have no secrets." Said Jake with a lazy grin.

"Bella… please?" he begged me with his beautiful eyes, but I didn´t move.

"Jake is right. We have no secrets." He sighed and brushed with his hand through his hair.

"Okay. I´m really sorry for what happened, Bella. Can we… forget it?" Though he apologized I knew that he had no idea for what he apologized.

"I have a better idea, Edward. We just forget that we know each other and live our lives." His eyes filled with pain.

"If that´s what you want." He mumbled defeated and I just nodded.

"Bye, Edward." Sang Jake and closed the door.

"You okay, Bells?" asked Jake concerned.

"Yeah, I´m fine. I´ll… better check the lasagna." With that I turned around and walked back into the kitchen.

I should have felt better now that I had faced him, but somehow I didn´t. Yes, I had told him off but his eyes were so sad. It didn´t matter anymore, we were both off better like that.

**Okay, critics are welcome as always. **

**In the next chapter, Alice will be back and I have a BIG surprise for all! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, I somehow couldn´t stop writing and so here is the next chapter.**

**Well, I know I promised you a surprise but I don´t know if I can really call it like that. Maybe it´s a surprise that Bella stands up for herself, but the rest… read and find out how it goes on.**

Jake and I had spent the afternoon together and I was just happy to have such a wonderful friend. He was my personal sun, always happy and warm. He had helped me through a lot of shit and he had never asked for anything in return… well, maybe food.

There was a time, when he tried to turn our friendship into something more, but I never saw him like that. He was like the brother I never had and though I loved him dearly, I wasn´t in love with him.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" called Alice as soon as she opened the door.

Uh uh… that didn´t sound good.

"What´s up, Al?" I asked as from the livingroom.

"What the hell happened between Edward and you?" she snapped.

"I told you it was a bad idea to send me to have breakfast with him." I answered calmly and closed the book I had been reading.

"And that´s a reason for you to run of and jump into another man´s car? A man that you took home with you?" I stared open mouthed at her while she paced in front of me.

"Alice, it was Jake." She glared at me and threw her hands up in the air in frustration.

"So what? How do you think did Edward feel when he found you after 2 hours of searching at him with another man?"

Whoa… what is going on, here? She is on Edward´s side?

"Frankly, I don´t care how he felt." I snapped. She stopped and stared with wide eyes at me.

"How do you dare, Bella?" Her low and threatening voice made me jump.

"How do you dare to treat him like that? He was nothing but nice to you. He did nothing to deserve this." Though this was a very serious situation, I couldn´t hold in the laughter.

"What´s so funny?" she snapped.

"You, Alice. You are so funny." I answered still giggling. Before she could complain, I got on.

"He was nothing but nice to me? He did nothing to deserve this? Are you serious? What about high school?" she snorted.

"Puhlease, it wasn´t that bad, Bella." Her answer hurt me deeper than any mean comment from Edward ever could.

"If you see it like that." I whispered, got up and wanted to go to my room, but she grabbed my arm.

"What is your problem, Bella?" Her eyes were ablaze with anger, her figure completely tensed.

"What my problem is, Alice? What my problem is? THIS is my problem!" I lifted the hem of my shirt and showed her the scars from all the times I was hurt at school.

"Do you know who caused these? Your dear brother did." She gasped, her eyes wide in horror.

"All the times he pushed me, all the times he made mean comments. Do you have ANY idea how it made ME feel?"

"Bella." She whispered shocked, but I was too far into my rant.

"I know you love your family and especially your brother, I really do. But I thought you were my best friend… a friend that cares for me. Guess I was wrong… But that´s okay, Alice. It really is… go on believing that your dear brother is the hero and could never do anything bad to others. At least I know where I am standing now." With that I turned around and stormed into my room.

Jake had been right, Alice was never there for me. She never really cared about me and I was so stupid to believe otherwise.

The phone brought me back to reality.

"Hello?"

"Bells?" It was Jake. He sounded stressed and concerned.

"What is it, Jake?"

"It´s Charlie…" he trailed off and I felt a never know panic rising inside me.

"What… what is with him?" he sighed… no, he sobbed.

"Jake! Please tell me!" I called desperate.

"Bells, please come home… NOW." I didn´t know what was going on and a cold hand grabbed my hand.

"Jake. What happened? Please tell me." I begged again.

"Charlie, he…." Jake sobbed again. And then I suddenly knew it.

"No, Jake. Please…" my own sob cut me off.

"He was shot at work, Bells. Please come home." Before he could say anything else, I hung up and began to pack frantically.

It wasn´t till I heard Alice call my name that I realized that she stood in my room.

"What, Alice?" I spat, not in the mood to talk to her.

"What are you doing, Bella?" she asked with a mixture of annoyance and concern.

"What does it look like?"

"You are packing. Come on, we had a fight. I forgive you, okay?" I stopped for a moment to look shocked at her.

"You… forgive me." She nodded with a little smile.

"Okay, that´s it. OUT!" she jumped.

"But Bella…"

"I said OUT!" I screamed louder than I ever thought I would be able to scream.

I saw tears welling up in her eyes. If of anger or pain, I had no idea, but luckily she obeyed and left without another word.

I packed the stuff I needed and ran out to my car. Alice wasn´t there, so she either hid in her room or had left. I didn´t care at the moment, I just needed to get home.

All the way home, I thought about my beloved father. Our relationship wasn´t one of big words, but we always understood each other. Next to Jake, he had been the one who had helped me through high school. He had always been there for me and taken care of me without hovering. The time while Alice and I had lived in NY had been hard for him, but he had never asked me to come back. He only wanted me to be happy.

Silent tears streamed down my face while I drove like a maniac towards Forks. Not typical for the daughter of the chief of police, but I guess it was okay under the circumstances.

During the drive I had gotten a text from Jake, telling me to go directly to the hospital, which I did.

"Chief Swan! Where is he?" I called as I walked into the hospital. People stopped and shot me strange looks, but I couldn´t care less.

"Bella." I heard a voice behind me and whirled around.

"Ca… Carlisle? What are you doing here?" I gasped. He looked sad and tiredly at me.

"I was in town when it happened and took over from the doc here." He explained. I could only nod.

"How is he?" I asked, unwilling to let go the hope that he could be still alive.

"Come." He only said, grabbed my arm and led me into a room.

"Carlisle." I begged. The way he looked at me told me all I had to know.

"Oh my god… please, Carlisle… that can´t be true." I whispered and sank onto one of the chairs.

"I´m really sorry, Bella. It was too late. The bullet went straight through his heart. He didn´t have to suffer." He tried to comfort me.

"Carlisle.. please… not him." I sobbed, too shocked to really understand what was happening here.

"I´m so sorry, Bella." He whispered and tried to hug me, but I struggled in his arms.

"No… NO! You are lying! He can´t be…" As much as I tried to get out of Carlisle´s embrace, the tighter he held me.

"I´m sorry, Bella… so, so sorry." He said over and over again. Eventually, I gave in and let the sorrow and despair wash over me. He was gone. My silent, fishing loving, grumpy, adorable father was dead.

**I´m sorry? *jumping behind the couch and hiding* Please tell me what you think, but don´t kill me… if possible.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, everybody. Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews.**

**Well, some of you think that Alice is disillusioned. You know what? She is! But that´s how she is, but believe me, she will learn her lesson sooner or later.**

**I´m sorry for having killed Charlie **

I had no idea what happened afterwards. Everything was blurry and the noises seemed to come from far away. At some point, I felt another pair of arms around me… Jake. He lifted me up and carried me somewhere, but I had no idea where. Not that I cared at that moment.

But somehow I woke up in Jake´s room with the sun shining into my face. How could the sun shine if my father wasn´t no more?

I lay a while with my eyes closed tight. I wasn´t willing to let reality crash over me just now, but eventually I sighed and got ready for the day.

"Morning, Bells." Greeted Jake as I came into the kitchen. I just nodded and took the cup of coffee from him.

Jake knew me well enough to know that I didn´t want to be taken care of. I was heartbroken and didn´t want to talk about it. So he remained quiet and gave me the time I needed.

He stayed the whole day with me, fed me the best he could and sat me in front of the TV where we watched some movies. I had no idea which movies, but it was okay.

In the afternoon, I decided that I had to take care of the funeral. So I began to organize everything like a maniac till the sun was almost completely gone.

"Bells?" asked Jake timidly from the door and I turned to him.

"Everything organized." I replied in a dead voice.

"The funeral will be the day after tomorrow. I tried to reach Renee, but she´s on the road with Phil." He walked slowly over to where I sat at the kitchentable.

"She´ll call you back." I just nodded.

"Bells?" he asked again. I knew he wanted me to talk to him, but I wasn´t ready.

"Please don´t." I whispered and he understood.

That was why I loved Jake so much. He understood me and he didn´t put pressure on me.

The next day passed by in a blur and before I knew it, I sat on the bed in my room, dressed in a black dress. I had returned to Charlie´s house the day before, but it was like a foreign house now that he was gone. Everything was still like he had left it. There was even the used plate and cup from the morning before he… I couldn´t even think it.

"Ready?" asked Jake and I nodded.

We drove in the graveyard in silence. I hadn´t talked to him ever since he left my apartment 2 days earlier.

Was it really just 2 days? It felt like a lifetime ago.

There were already surprisingly many people in the little church to say goodbye to my father. Though Charlie had been a very private person, people in town liked and respected him. It touched my dead heart that so many people were here, but it also made it so much harder for me. Especially as Renee wasn´t here with me. She had called me back this morning, all crying and whining, but she was still on the road with Phil and couldn´t make it in time for the funeral. I understood… of course, but I couldn´t help but wish she was here with me to comfort me.

When I saw the coffin, I nearly broke down right away. Thankfully, Jake was right beside me to hold me. He was really my sun and the only one that kept me from falling apart completely at the moment.

"I´ve got you, Bells." He whispered into my ear and led me to our seats in the front row.

I didn´t want to be here, I didn´t want to accept that my father should be dead. He had always been so healthy.

"I´m as healthy as a horse." He had always said. I snorted at the memory.

Speeches were held and music was played, but I didn´t hear one word or tune. I was dead, I had died with him. How was I supposed to go on without him?

Before I knew it, Jake pulled me up and we followed the coffin outside to the graveyard. More dull and empty words and a lot of sobbing and crying from people I didn´t even really know. Did they even have the slightest idea who he really was? They knew their chief of police, but they didn´t know the wonderful man Charlie had been. The loving father that loved fishing, to watch games on his flatscreen and my cooking. They would never know how special he had been and I was happy about it, because that was a part of him that belonged to me alone.

"Bella?" I heard a timid voice and looked up. Alice stood in front of me, her eyes puffy and red.

"Alice." I acknowledged with a dead voice.

"Bella, I…" but I shook my head. She understood, hung her head low and left without another word. I may have hurt her with my behavior, but I didn´t care.

"Shall we go?" asked Jake and pulled me more into his side.

"Please." I whispered. He led us to his old Rabbit. On the way there, I felt somebody´s eyes on me. Not that the whole town wasn´t watching my every move, but that look was different. I lifted my head and looked around. Eventually my eyes locked with a pair of green, endlessly sad eyes.

Edward stood with his family, Alice sobbing into his chest and stared at me. I didn´t know what his look meant, but it was intense… too intense. I looked away and lent more into Jake, who pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"Let´s go home, Bells." He whispered and I nodded. But where was my home now? In Seattle with Alice? Surely not. In La Push with Jake? No, I couldn´t do this to him. Charlie´s house? Was it still my home after he wasn´t no more?

It´s been 2 weeks since the funeral and I felt like a dead person in an alive body. I had decided to stay in Forks, in Charlie´s house. It was all I had left. Thank god, I had enough free days to take some time off without losing my job just now, but I wasn´t sure if I would return at all. Renee and Phil had arrived 2 days after the funeral, but after a few days they had to leave again. She had begged me to come with them, but I had refused. This was the only place where I felt near my father.

Alice had tried to call every day, but I had ignored her. I didn´t want to talk to her, to hear her twisted sight of the previous events with her favorite brother. And… honestly… I couldn´t care less at the moment.

Jake had stopped by every day to make sure I was more or less okay and to force me to eat at least a littlebit. I really loved him for being there for me. Without him, I would have given up. What was I supposed to do now? Go on like nothing happened? Go back to a life I didn´t want anymore? I was so confused and felt so endlessly lonely. I missed Seattle and I also missed Alice, but I just couldn´t return.

I was left some money in Charlie´s will and it was surprisingly much. I would be able to live a few years without having to work if I wanted to.

And so I sat in the small kitchen and went through some of Charlie´s papers, needing all my strength to not break down again. Not a day had passed by since I hadn´t cried during the day and mostly during the nights. I missed him so much, but I also knew that I couldn´t go on like this.

Before I knew it, I threw the papers through the room and screamed. I was suddenly extremely mad. Mad at Charlie for not having been more careful, mad at me for not having been there for him more and mad at the world for being so unfair.

The doorbell rang several times, followed by frantic knocking.

It couldn´t be Jake, as he knew where the sparekey was and never rang the bell. So who could it be?

I took a deep and calming breath and went to open.

"Bella? Are you okay? I heard you screaming?" asked Esme as soon as I opened the door and hugged me tight.

"Esme? What are you doing here?" I asked surprised without returning the hug. She pulled back and stroked my cheek. Her eyes were so sad and so full of love that my heart clenched.

"Do you think I would leave you alone now? I´m sorry I just come now, but I thought you would need some time." I just stared at her, unable to react.

"Oh my god. Look at you, when did you last take a shower and when did you eat the last time?" she eyed me up and down.

"Uhm… I…" I began, but she just brushed past me into the house.

"Okay. You go upstairs and take a long and relaxing shower while I will make you something to eat." I blinked at her, my mouth wide open in shock.

"Go… I´ll take care of everything." She pushed me towards the stairs and I was too tired to complain.

**I know not much happens in this chapter, but it´s important for me. Loosing somebody is hard and it takes time to begin to look up again.**

**I hope I didn´t bore you too much.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Can somebody get addicted to reviews? I think I just did.**

**Thank you all so much for reading my story and for your great opinions on it. I really appreciate it. **

**This chapter is still dark (like the last). So, sorry for that, it´s part of the development.**

The shower felt great, like all the tears, sorrow and pain of the last 2 weeks was washed away. I took my time and only got out, when the water ran cold.

After I was dressed, I descended the stairs slowly, surprised by the delicious scent of food and my grumbling stomach.

"There you are. Come, you really need to eat." Said Esme with a warm smile.

"Uhm… thank you very much, Esme, but I´m not hungry." I mumbled embarrassed and looked at the ground.

"I don´t believe you. When did you eat the last time? I mean properly… never mind. Take a seat and eat." Her voice was still warm, but also stern. It was the voice of a mother that loved her children and it caused the cold hand on my heart to tighten.

"Thank you." I whispered. The scent was delicious and I just realized how hungry I actually was.

"So… how are you doing, Bella?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I´m fine." I mumbled, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Bella…" she began soft… too soft, so I cut her off.

"Thank you for everything, Esme. But you didn´t have to and I´m fine." I jumped, took my, still half full, plate and began to wash it in the sink.

"Bella." Said Esme again, but I didn´t react.

"Please talk to me." She begged. I closed my eyes, my body tensed and trembling with the strength it took me to not break down. My hands were tight fists.

"Bella… Honey… it´s okay to miss him." She tried again and put her hand onto my shoulder, but I shoved it off. The hurt look in her eyes as I turned to her gave me almost physical pain.

"I´m sorry, Esme. I… I can´t… I…" I stuttered and headed out of the room.

"Alice misses you." She said and I stopped. Though I didn´t want to, I snorted.

"Tell her I´m fine." I replied without turning to her.

"What happened between the 2 of you?" she asked and I could hear in her voice that she tried to hold back the tears.

"Too much." I whispered too low for her to hear, at least I thought so.

"What do you mean by ´too much´?" I jumped.

"Nothing, Esme. Listen, I´m tired. Thank you for the food." I forced a smile onto my face as I turned around and told her to leave the most polite way I could muster.

"Bella, please talk to me. Or if you don´t want to talk to me, please talk to Alice… or Carlisle. I´m worried about you." She said sad and tears welled up in her eyes.

"There´s no reason to be worried about me, Esme. I´m fine." I lied so bad that I cringed inside.

"You know as well as me that that´s not true." I just shrugged and turned back around, trying to get back into the sanctuary of my room as fast as possible without tripping.

"Bella! What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you shut us out like this?" she called now mad. I froze with my foot on the first step if the stairs. Never before had I heard Esme talk like this.

"You can talk to me now, or I´ll make sure you come back to Seattle with me." She threatened. I shook my head frantically.

"Well?`" her arms were crossed over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently.

"What do you want, Esme?" I eventually sighed.

"The truth what happened to you." Anger rose inside me.

"Oh, if you didn´t notice, but I just lost my father, the only person that…" I stopped myself and bit my lip.

"That what, Bella?" her voice was soft again.

"Nothing." She came over to where I stood, took my hand and led me into the livingroom. I didn´t want her to be here, I wanted to be alone, but I also felt drained and exhausted… too weak to complain.

"I know how hard this must be for you, Honey. But why do you shut Alice out. She´s really sad and cries a lot about you. She told me about your fight and she´s really hurt by your behavior." Before I knew it, I had jumped up again.

"SHE is hurt by MY behavior?" I shrieked so loud that Esme jumped in shock and surprise.

"Yes, she told me she isn´t mad at you for your fight and that she misses you. I think you should apologize and then you can be friends again." Explained Esme confused.

It was too much, I freaked.

"How dare she to talk like that? How dare she to be hurt? She doesn´t know me at all… none of you does. I thought she was my best friend and you were like a 2nd family to me, but I was… so naiv and stupid. Gosh… I really believed you. How stupid was I?" I ranted looking Esme dead in the eyes. Those very eyes widened in shock and filled with pain, but I didn´t care at the moment.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" she asked in a small voice, but I just shook my head.

"It doesn´t matter. But please tell _your daughter_ that I don´t want to see her or her hero of a big brother again." I snapped.

"Bella." Whispered Esme, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I´m sorry, Esme. You better go now." I said and showed with my hand at the door, my head hung low. I heard her take in a shaky breath, before she got up and left without another word.

As soon as the door closed behind her, my knees gave in and I began to sob uncontrollable.

I have no idea how long I had been sitting there on the ground, but the sun was gone for a while. I knew I should get up and do something, but I couldn´t bring myself to get up. It didn´t matter anyway. Nothing mattered anymore. I had lost my father, I had a mother that didn´t really care and now I have also lost my second family. Nobody wanted me, I was completely alone.

A loud knock brought me back to reality, but I didn´t move. The knocking grew louder and angrier, so I sighed, picked myself off the ground and walked slowly to open the door.

"Damn it, Bella!" called Edward so angry that I stumbled back a few steps.

"Edward." My mouth formed the name, but no sound was heard.

"How dare you, Bella? How dare you to talk to my mother like that? How dare you to hurt her so deep and then throw her out of your house?" he came into the house and slammed the door with so much force shut that I was afraid it would break. His face showed so much anger and hatred that I grew afraid of my life. One wrong word and he would kill me, I was sure about that. Well, nobody would miss me anyway, so why not stand up for myself once and in the most dangerous moment?

"Shut up, Edward." I hissed. He froze, the anger and hatred growing even more.

"What did you just say?" he asked dangerously calm.

"I told you to shut up. Who do you think you are? Showing up at my house and screaming at me in the middle of the night." I held my head high and dared him with my eyes.

"Bella." He warned, it almost sounded like a growl.

"I´m sorry for how I treated Esme, but I don´t regret it." He gasped in shock before his body began to tremble of anger.

"What is wrong with you? First Alice and now my Mum? How heartless are you?" though I was furious, his words hurt me deep inside.

"Heartless…" I giggled humorless.

"Think what you want to think, Edward. I don´t care. Like I already told Esme. I don´t want to see Alice ever again and the rest of the family is no exception."

"Is that your way of thanking us for what we did for you?" he asked ice cold.

"Is that your thank to Alice for being your best friend for the last 10 years, to Emmett for protecting you and treating you like his little sister and to Esme and Carlisle for being like 2nd parents to you?" My breath came in short gasps, my body so tensed that I was afraid it would burst anytime soon.

"No, Edward. That is my thank for you torturing me in Highschool. This is my thank for all the broken bones, all the wounds and the scars I got thanks to you. That is my thank for me stopping to eat in front of you because you made fun of me all the time. That is my thank for all you did to me… And for Alice…" I snorted.

"My best friend you say? A great best friend that thinks I´m exaggerating when it comes to you bullying me. The perfect friend for defending you over all these years though she KNEW what you did to me. The same for Carlisle and Esme. They are wonderful people, but they never cared about what their golden boy did to me. How often did I have to go into hospital to Carlisle to stitch me up and how often did Esme take care of me after one of my ´accidents´? They knew, but they never cared." I took a deep breath before staring a pale Edward down.

"I thank you, Edward. I really thank you for having treated me like the last shit. Thanks to you I learned to appreciate my father because he loved me who I really am… the same father I just lost. Thank you for all you did to me because now I can´t find it in me to care about anything anymore." He paled even more if possible, his eyes impossibly wide.

"Bella... I…" He whispered.

"Goodnight, Edward. Have a great live." I said sarcastically, pushed him out of the door and shut it behind him.

**Like always… tell me what you think. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! It really means a lot to me that you read and like my story. **

Time passed by in a blur and endlessly slow at once. I decided to stay in Forks, in Charlie´s house. Being here gave me the feeling of being nearer to him. I had quit my job and now lived on the money I had gotten. I didn´t need much anyway. The house was paid and I didn´t need a lot of food as I barely ate. Jake stopped by almost every day to make sure I was still alive. Sometimes Leah joined him, but I wasn´t a good company. Though they tried to talk some sense into me, I felt just empty and dead inside. Eventually, the visits became less and I was fine with that. I hadn´t heard from the Cullens since the day I had thrown Esme and Edward out of my house and that was fine, too. I didn´t care if they hated me now… at least that´s what I tried to tell me every day.

To be honest, I missed them, especially Alice. Yes, she hadn´t been my best friend when it came to what happened between Edward and me, but she had been my best friend in so many other ways.

But no matter how much I missed her, I couldn´t bring myself to forgive her. She had hurt me too much.

About 2 months after that fateful day, I woke up in the morning and knew that I had to do something. I couldn´t hide for the rest of my life from the world. That wasn´t what my father would have wanted for me. He would want me to be happy, to have friends and to have a life, so I got up, took a long shower, got dressed and ate a real breakfast.

After that, I grabbed the phone and dialed Jake´s number.

"Hello?" his sleepy voice answered after the 5th ring.

"Morning, sleepy head." I greeted giggling.

"Bella? Is that you?" he asked taken aback, suddenly completely awake.

"I wanted to ask if I could come by today?" though I wanted to sound confident, it came out like a question. Jake was my best friend, but I had treated him really bad in the last 2 months.

"Really?" he asked.

"Only if you don´t have something else…"

"Don´t be stupid. Get your skinny ass over here… ASAP." With that he hung up and I sighed relieved.

About half an hour later, I parked the car in front of his house. Funny, though I knew it would still look the same, I had expected it to have changed.

I took a deep breath and got out of the car.

"Bells!" called Jake before I had reached the frontdoor, came running towards me and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.

"Hey Jake." I whispered.

"Time you came." He pulled back, his eyes dancing with joy.

"I missed you." He added.

"I missed you, too. And I´m sorry." Unwelcomed tears welled up in my eyes.

"It´s okay. All that matters is that you are here now." He put his arm around my shoulder and pushed me inside.

"Hey, Dad! Bella´s here." Billy sat at the kitchentable, his eyes wary.

"Hey, Billy." I bent down to hug him. Though it hurt me to see my father´s best friend, it also felt good.

"Good to see you." He replied and hugged me back.

"So, how come you found your way here?" asked Jake as we had taken a seat.

"I´m sorry for my behavior. It was not fair, but I needed time. But I woke up this morning and knew that this is no way to live my life. He… wouldn´t have wanted me to live like that." My voice cracked.

"I´m proud of you, Bella, and I know he would be proud of you, too." Billy put his hand on mine and pressed it soft. I could only nod.

"So, what´s the plan?" asked Jake after we had chatted for a while.

"Plan?" I asked confused.

"Yeah. Do you know how you want to go on?" I sighed.

"I´ll stay in Forks. I can´t go back to live in Seattle." He and Billy nodded.

"I think that´s a good idea… for now." Agreed Billy. I smiled grateful at him.

"And what about your stuff?" Jake eyed me carefully.

"I should go and fetch it, but I…"

"I could accompany you. Or I´ll call the bitch and demand her to not be there when you come."

"Jake!" I called shocked.

"What? She is a bitch for the way she treated you!" he called mad.

"Enough, Jake." Scolded Billy.

"No, Dad. You don´t know how she treated Bella… all of them." He got up and walked over to the window.

"Jake." I said soft, but he didn´t react.

"Yes, the way Alice treated me wasn´t okay. But it´s how it is. I told…" I bit my tongue. Billy and Jake didn´t know about Esme´s and Edward´s visit.

"Told what?" prompted Jake and whirled around to me.

"Nothing." I mumbled and stared at my hands.

"Bella." He warned.

"Okay… I told Esme off and threw her out of my house and later, I gave Edward a piece of my mind and told him that I want to see him and his family never again."

"What?" called Billy and Jake in unison.

"Yepp."

"Bells… that´s… about damn time, girl!" Jake hugged me tight.

I was taken off guard.

"I´m really proud of you." He added happy. But I wasn´t happy.

The next day, Jake and I drove to Seattle. I needed to fetch my stuff and to tell Alice to search for a new flatmate. That much I owed her.

Jake tried his best to entertain me and to take my mind off what was about to come, but the nearer we came to Seattle, the more nervous I got.

"It´s going to be okay, Bells. I´m here for you." Said Jake soft and reached over to stop my hands from fidgeting.

"Thank you, Jake. I really appreciate it." I tried to smile at him, but it surely looked more like a grimace.

"No problem." Right then he pulled up in front of Alice´s and my flat and I held my breath.

How could I have thought that I was ready to face her… to face this. I couldn´t go inside and face my former sister. How should I tell her that I would move out? Were my things even still there?

"Bells?" asked Jake concerned.

"It´s okay, Jake. Just… give me a moment." He nodded and waited patiently. Eventually I took a deep breath. I had to do it, I had to move on and I had to let go of the past, no matter how much it hurt me.

"Let´s go." I got out of the car and was just about to unlock the door, when it flew open and a laughing Alice and Jasper came into view.

"B… Bella?" she asked shocked.

"Hello, Alice… Jasper." I greeted flatly. Pain flooded her eyes immediately and it made me feel bad. Jake put his hand onto my shoulder to show me he was there for me and I was beyond thankful.

"What… are you doing here?" she asked warily, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Why don´t you come in first?" suggested Jasper now, trying to save the situation.

"Oh, don´t worry. We just came to fetch Bella´s stuff. If you need to be somewhere, don´t bother with us." Replied Jake for me. Alice winced, while I glared at Jake. That was not how I wanted to break the news to her.

"So, you´ll move out?" asked Alice surprisingly quiet.

"Yes." I whispered. I wanted to tell her how sorry how was and to explain my decision, but she cut me off.

"Okay then. Jasper and me were about to leave anyway. So… take your time and… yeah." He voice was shaky and it took her a lot to not burst into tears. My heart broke for her.

She grabbed Jasper´s hand and pulled him outside and towards her car.

"Alice!" I heard myself call. She turned around, her eyes so sad but also hopeful.

We stood for several minutes, just looking at each other.

"I´m sorry." I eventually mumbled. She sobbed, nodded and got into the car.

I stood frozen there and watched her car drive away. Yes, we have had a mean fight, but was it supposed to hurt so much?

"You okay, Bells?" asked Jake. I looked surprised at him. I had completely forgotten that he had been there.

"More or less. Let´s pack my stuff." He nodded and we began to work.

As I didn´t have a lot of things, it didn´t take us too long to pack everything up and to load it into my truck. Jake and me didn´t talk a lot on the way back, both of us lost in our thoughts.

"Thank you for today, Jake. I wouldn´t have made it without you." I hugged him tight.

"Nothing to thank me for, Bells. Will you be okay?" I nodded.

"Okay. Call if you need help or company." Again I nodded and waved as he drove off.

2 hours later, I sat in between my boxes and looked my stuff through. Alice had saved my letters that had arrived during the last 2 months and now I read them through. They were mostly bills and some other stuff. Right when I was about to call it a night, a letter with a neat handwriting caught my eye. There was no sender on it and no stamp, so somebody must have brought it personally. Though I was tired, my curiosity got the best of me.

_Dear Bella,_

_I didn´t know how to approach you, so I thought it´s the best to write you. Please… read the letter, after that you can make your decision about ever seeing my family again or not._

_I know I´ve fucked up big time, but don´t make the others suffer for my faults. _

I gasped. This was a letter from Edward. My mind began to whirl, trying to decide if I should read on, throw the letter away or put it aside for later. I was tired and exhausted after today´s events, but I somehow I wanted to know what he had to tell me. I had told him off and he had listened… more or less, but now I should listen, shouldn´t I?

I made myself a cup of tea, curled up on my favorite chair and read on.

_Seems you´ve made your decision to read what I have to say. Thank you for that, Bella._

_I… I don´t really know how to start. I´m sorry will never be enough to say considering everything I put you through. And still, I don´t know what else to say. I´m a horrible person, Bella, I really am._

_I want to explain, but I´m not sure how to start, of if you´ll understand, but I´ll try._

_Okay… where to start… at the beginning._

_Did you know that there was a time when I was fat?_

I gasped in shock. The perfect Edward Cullen had been fat? NEVER!

_Believe it. I was and I wasn´t only chubby, I was really, really, really fat. Kids in school made my life to hell. They made fun of me, hurt me, made me trip and everything. It was so bad that we had to move away eventually. Before I started at Forks High, I decided to lose weight and so I began to train really hard. It took a while, but eventually I reached my goal. I started to have friends and I was suddenly popular. I guess that got me a bit too much._

_When you moved to Forks, I saw so much of my former self in you. I always knew that you are a lovely girl/woman, but… I don´t know. I was stupid and immature and… did I already say stupid?_

_When you befriended Alice, I was shocked at first. Not because she became friends with you, but because I began to like you. I mean really like you. I began to watch you and I noticed more and more lovely things about you. The way you bite your lip when you are nervous or think about something, your pout when Alice forced you to go shopping with you, how smart you are and the way your eyes light up when you solve a problem… Like I said, it scared the shit out of me and that the others noticed that I watched you didn´t help me at all. They began to make fun of me and I was too weak to tell them off. I was afraid I would lose my reputation and would become an outcast again. That´s why I began to bully you, to show them I didn´t care. It hurt me when I saw the hurt look in your eyes… no, it broke my heart. Alice told me off all the time, but I didn´t listen. I was too sure of myself._

_I´m so sorry for everything I did, Bella. I´ll never be able to show you how much._

_When I saw you at my parents´ gardenparty in the treehouse, I thought an angel stood in front of me. You were so beautiful… but not only because you are thin now. It was your inner beauty that blinded me. I know this sounds stupid, but I… I don´t know how to explain._

_I think I just realized how stupid I had been all those years ago. If I didn´t already know it before, I realized it, when you told Rose about me being a doctor. Thought I had been so mean, you still spoke respectfully to my and good about me. I still don´t get why. _

_All I knew that I wanted to get to know you for who you really are. I already knew a lot, as I had forced Alice to keep me updated. Why? She had found out about my feelings for you at some point and confronted me. I admitted everything and she nearly killed me, but then she saw that I really meant it and promised me to help me._

_Gosh, I acted so stupid. I was so happy when you agreed to have breakfast with me, but you didn´t want to eat and I knew how hungry you were. I didn´t understand it. I was thrilled to have you with me, but you were so tensed and careful around me. I knew why and my anger at myself grew and grew. I let it out on you and I´m sorry for that. And then you were gone. I nearly lost it. I searched you, but you had vanished. I had fucked up again._

_When Carlisle told us about Charlie, we were all shocked, but mostly Alice. She told me about your fight and wanted to drive to Forks immediately, but I talked her out of it. I don´t know why. Maybe because I thought you needed time. _

_And then I saw you at the funeral. You looked so fragile and broken, but at the same time so strong. I just wanted to hug you and to take your pain away, but I couldn´t as Jacob Black was there to do it._

_I deserved to hear everything you told me the night I showed up at your house. I really deserve it. I am an ass and you have more than enough reasons to hate me. In a way I want you to hate me as there is nothing I can do to make up to you. But my family doesn´t deserve it._

_Yes, I know you feel betrayed by all of them, especially Alice. But they are like a family to you and they miss you so much._

_I drove directly to my parents´ house after I was in Forks and I told them everything. I told them what I did to you and how I feel about you. Esme and Alice cried, Carlisle refuse to talk to me after that and Emmett beat me up. And I welcomed it. They were so shocked, but what hurt the most was the disappointment. They don´t hate me, but they look differently at me. Especially Esme is shocked and sad. _

_I know this is not enough to apologize for what I did to you. I don´t even know if this letter makes sense in any way. But I will bring it over to Alice´s before I can chicken out. _

_It is okay for you to hate me, Bella. But please don´t hate my family. Because they love you like a part of the family. _

_Please give them a chance. Don´t shut them out because of me. They love you and I know you love them. I ask you to at least think about it. _

_Gosh… this letter really doesn´t make sense. I´m sorry for that, but I just wrote it down like I feel it._

_Again, I´m so sorry, Bella. More than you´ll ever know._

_Edward_


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, I´m back. Thank you, like always, for the lovely reviews. Each and every one of it is special and precious to me. Thank you so much.**

**The new chapter is here… well, it´s different… again, but I just love twists. :D**

I stared open mouthed at the letter. How… why? I mean… HOW DARE HE? An unknown range flooded through me as my mind began to comprehend what was written there. Did he really think this was an excuse for everything he had done to me? If he thought so, I would…

The ringing phone stopped my internal ramble.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice tight.

"Bella?" I heard a velvety voice and had to clench my teeth.

"What, Edward?" I snapped. I heard him sigh sadly.

"I assume you read my letter." I nodded, not caring that he couldn´t see me.

"You are angry at me." He stated.

"What do you expect? That I´m thankful and run to you to tell you that I forgive you?" he chuckled humorless.

"Maybe I had hoped for it." My mouth fell open in shock.

"You… you are…"

"I know." He cut me off.

"I know it will never be an excuse, but I wanted you to know." I took a deep breath to get my boiling blood under control.

"I know now. So what?" I spat.

Okay, calming breaths are so not working.

"Will you think about it?" he asked in a surprisingly small voice.

"About what?" I snapped.

"Alice and the rest of my family." As small as his voice was before, not it was strong and irritated.

"Why would I?"

"BECAUSE they love and miss you." I could hear his anger now.

"Yeah… of course." I snorted.

"Damn it, Bella. What do you want? We love you, we miss you and we feel horrible about everything. Why can´t you… just get over it and move on?" Suddenly calmness washed through me as I realized how Edward Cullen really was.

"I´m sorry for making YOU and your family feel horrible, Edward."

"What? No… I didn´t mean… shit."

"It´s okay, Edward. Don´t worry about it anymore. But may I give you and advice? How about you finally get your shit together, grow up and grow some balls. And about your precious family… I´m sorry for making them feel bad, but I won´t forgive them so they will feel better. Nobody ever asked how I was feeling all these years, so why should I now? You may think this is about revenge, but it isn´t. It´s just…" an unwelcome sob escaped me.

"Bella." Whispered Edward shocked.

"You don´t even see how perfect your life is and how special your family is. Don´t bother about me, but be there for each other. Because if you lose your family, you lose your identity. Believe me, I know how that is."

"But you don´t have to lose them, Bella. You were a part of this family before and they would be happy to…" he begged, but I cut him off.

"No, Edward. I never fit into your perfect family and I never will. But I´m not mad or sad about it. I´m thankful for the time I had with all of you and that you showed me where I really belong to." I smiled through my tears.

There was rustling on the phone.

"No, Bella… NO! You are my best friend, my sister! Please… just…" called Alice desperately.

"It´s okay, Alice. Goodbye." I hung up with the first true smile in what felt like forever on my lips. I had done it, I was FINALLY breaking free.

3 months later:

"BELLS!" I heard Jake call before I stepped out of the luggage hall.

"Oh my god, JAKE!" I squeaked and jumped into his arms. He catched me and whirled me around several times before putting me down and looking with the biggest grin at me.

"Wow… Bells, you are looking HOT, girl." I giggled like a schoolgirl and blushed.

"Well… seems like your trip did some wonders to you." He observed.

"Nah, I´m still the same old me. But the time away was great, I have to admit." He nodded, took my bags and led me out to his car.

"So, tell me. How has Europe been?" he asked curiously, as we were on our way back to Forks.

I had decided I needed some time away after Edward´s call. So I had packed my bags, had persuaded Jake to drive me to the airport and had taken the first flight out, which had ended in Italy. From there on, I had travelled Italy, France, England, Ireland… just enjoying to see new places and just to be.

"It´s been great, really. I´ve made tons of pictures to show you all." I replied with a smile. Jake´s eyes left the road to look at me.

"You look happy, Bella." I smiled shyly at him.

"I am. The 3 months away was what I needed. Now I feel ready to face this world again." He put his hand onto mine and patted it.

"I´m really happy for you."

"But what about you? How have things been? What´s new?" the widest grin appeared on his face.

"Well, time you came back or you would have missed the wedding."

"Who is getting married?" I asked confused and he burst into laughter.

"Still the same old Bella. I´m getting married, stupid." My eyes widened.

"What? You finally asked her? Oh my god! Why didn´t you tell me?" I squeaked happy.

"Calm down, Bells. Yes, I popped the question and she said ´yes´ and how should I have told you? You only sent a card every few weeks from a different place. I had no idea where you were." I bit my lip, guilt washing over me.

"Don´t feel bad, Bells. It was the best you could do. Though I don´t know what made you leave in such a hurry."

"I just needed to leave all this for some time." I sighed and looked out of the window.

The 3 months had really been great, but I had missed home. I had missed Charlie´s house, where I could feel near to him, I had missed Jake, Billy and Leah and… though I would never say it loud, I had also missed the Cullens.

At the thought about them, my heart clenched. Would I ever get over what had happened and be able to move on? Well, I had to.

"Ah, good old Forks." Sighed Jake and I realized that we were already passing the town-sign.

"It didn´t change." I mumbled.

"This if Forks… it will never change." Replied Jake chuckling. I looked over at him and smiled. Jake was really a special person, always happy and cheerful.

"And that´s what I love about it." I grinned at him.

It was strange to be back after those months where I had seen so many different countries and had met so many strange, but wonderful people. But my heart knew that this was where I belonged, why my home truly was.

After hours of hours of telling Jake, Billy and Leah about my trip, celebrating my return and the wedding that was about to come, I had begun to redecorate Charlie´s house. It still felt strange to know that the house was now mine, but if I wanted to stay here, I had to make a few changes. So I redecorated, painted and bought some new furniture. Not too much and nothing too expensive, but enough for me to make Charlie´s house my house.

The hardest part was to put Charlie´s belongings into the garage. I could have sold them, but I wasn´t ready yet. So, in the garage they didn´t disturb anybody.

With that, I had to decide what to do with my life. I couldn´t hide away for the rest of my life and I needed to find a job. Not only because I didn´t want to spent all the money I had gotten, but also because I wanted to.

I began to search for a job, but a journalist in Forks didn´t have too many chances.

"How is it going with the job?" asked Jake as he and Leah were over to my house for dinner.

"Not too good. Forks wasn´t literally waiting for me." I sighed.

"Don´t give up, Bells. I´m sure you will find something soon." Jake smiled at me and I couldn´t help but believe him. Leah looked as if she wanted to say something, but remained silent.

"What is it, Leah?" I asked concerned.

She took a deep breath.

"I was wondering. Why don´t you try writing?" Jake and me looked surprised at her.

"I mean… you always said how much you wanted to be a writer, but didn´t have the time with your job and all. You have the time now. Why don´t you try it?" I stared open mouthed at her.

Leah and me had never been the best of friends. Actually, she had never liked me. She had have a crush on Jake for forever and was jealous of our friendship and the feelings Jake used to have for me. He had tried to turn our friendship into something more, more than once but I had always only seen him like the brother I always wanted. Eventually, he gave up and began to notice Leah. He asked my advice about her and I told him to ask her out… well, the rest is history.

But even if she got Jake, she was still hesitant and wary to me. She always believed there was still more between Jake and me and so she made sure I didn´t come too near her man. To say it easier… She´s always been a bitch to me, though it wasn´t as bad now as it used to be.

"It was just a thought." She mumbled and went back to eating.

"Actually, that´s a good idea. Thank you, Leah." Her head snapped up, her eyes wide.

"Really?" I nodded with a smile.

"I completely forgot about the writing, but I have the feeling that I should give it a try. What do you think, Jake." Jake looked surprised between his fiancé and his best friend, but then a grin spread over his face.

"That´s a great idea." He agreed and dug back into inhaling his food.

Later Leah helped me to clean up the kitchen, while Jake watched a game on TV.

"You really don´t have to help me, Leah." I said, but she shook her head.

"Don´t worry. Actually… I wanted to talk to you." She looked unsure at me.

"About what?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous. What did she want? Did she want to tell me off? To tell me to leave her and Jake´s life?

"First of all, I wanted to apologize about having been such a bitch over all those years." I jumped, one of the plates falling out of my soapy hand and scattering on the ground.

"What happened?" called Jake from the livingroom.

"Nothing, A plate fell down. No need to worry!" I called back.

I looked with a sigh at the ground and then back at Leah.

"Well, that´s something." She nodded.

"Yeah, I mean it, Bella. I´m really sorry. I was just jealous and I didn´t understand your friendship. I never knew about all the bullying and I…" I held up my hand.

"It´s okay, Leah. I always knew that you have a big crush on Jake. In love and war all is fair, isn´t it?" I winked at her to lighten the mood, but she looked sad at me.

"I´m really sorry, Bella. Can you forgive me?" Her eyes were on me, so honest and sincere that I just could nod.

"Thank you!" before I knew it, she hugged me tight. It felt strange, but also good.

"There´s something else…" she said as she pulled back.

"Shoot." She looked down at her hands, surely searching for the courage to tell me something.

"I was wondering… I know you are Jake´s best friend, but… would you be my maid of honor?" I was thankful there wasn´t another plate in my hands because it would have scattered on the floor next to the other.

"Leah… I…" I began to stutter, not able to really understand what she was asking me.

"I know, Bella. But… you know my Mum died some years ago and I don´t have a sister and my girlfriends and me never were close." My heart clenched as I heard the sadness in her voice.

"I thought... maybe… with time… we could become friends and I…" this time I surprised her by hugging her.

"I would love to." I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Are you okay, girls? WHOA! What´s happening here?" asked Jake and stare open mouthed at us. We pulled back and laughed awkwardly.

"Well…" I began, but Leah cut me off.

"I asked Bella to be my maid of honor and she agreed, isn´t that great?" she squeaked excited and hugged the man she loved. Jake held her tight, his eyes closed and at complete peace. Though I was truly happy for them, I felt a flash of jealousy got through my body. I also wanted to have a love like theirs. The moment was too intimate, so I decided to give them some room and turned to leave, but Jake held me back by grabbing my arm. When I turned back to him, I saw tears in his eyes, but the happiest smile.

´Thank you´ he mouthed. I just smiled through my own tears and nodded.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everybody! This chapter will be a bit dramatic at the end. I hope it isn´t too much, but when I write, the story takes over and tells my fingers what to write. ;-)**

From that day on, Leah and I became real good friends. I had never thought that she was such a cool, funny and lovely girl. We spent a lot of time together, planning the wedding and just having fun. We laughed, we chatted, we were just… friends. It felt good to have a girlfriend again, but still I missed Alice. Maybe I should talk to her?

"I think you should talk to Alice." Said Leah as we looked at some bridal stuff.

"Huh?" was my genius reply. She sighed and looked at me.

"I think you should talk to Alice Cullen. You´ve been doing so great through the last months, but I can see that you miss her." I stared dumbfounded at her, my mind not willing to understand what she just said.

"Look, Bella. I know she hurt you, but she was your best friend for 10 long years. You can´t wipe that away and act like nothing happened. You 2 have a history and I bet not all of it was bad and full of pain. Am I right?" I was stunned by Leah´s speech, but felt my head nod.

"You miss her. That´s nothing to be ashamed of. I´m sure she misses you, too. Why don´t you give her a call and see if you can meet up somewhere for a proper talk. I´m sure you 2 can sort some stuff out." She suggested now.

"Leah." I whispered shocked and touched by her concern for me.

"I really admire you for the way you made it through the last 6 months, Bella. I wouldn´t have been able to survive it, but you said you wanted a new start and I think talking to Alice is a part of it." Before I knew it, I was out of my chair and hugged her tight.

"Thank you, Leah." She hugged me back and I felt her body shaking with silent sobs.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as we sat back normally.

"I guess I want to give something back to you." She shrugged.

"Give something back?" she sighed, her shoulders slumping forward.

"You´ve always been there for Jake and though I really used to hate your guts, you´ve also always been there for me." I looked confused at her.

"Do you think I don´t know that it was you who encouraged Jake to ask me out?" she giggled.

"But I didn´t…" I started, but she cut me off.

"You did, Bella. Thank you."

I´ve been sitting for hours on my favorite chair and stared at my phone like it was about to attack me. I knew that I should call Alice and ask her for a meeting, but was I really ready for that? Did I even want to forgive her? But was it all her fault, or did I also make mistakes?

Well, I never actually told her what really happened. I´m not good with sharing my feelings, even with my best friends. Looking back, I saw that it wasn´t only Alice who had been not such a good friend. I hadn´t been much better. I had relied on her too much because I was weak and scared. She had always to drag me along to social events and she had to cope with my moping about it. She might not have cared about my problems, but I hadn´t cared about hers too much either.

What she had done was still worse than what I had done to her, but still… maybe it was finally time for me to get over myself and grow up.

With a huge sighed, I grabbed the phone and dialed her number. It rang several times, before the machine picked up.

"_You´ve reached the number of Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale. Please leave a message after the peep." _I heard Alice´s voice and jumped. Not only because she and Jasper now obviously lived together, but also because the message sounded so flat and lifeless.

When I still lived with her, we always made fun of making the most horrible and inappropriate messages.

"_PEEP" _

"Hey Alice. It´s me… Bella." I said timidly.

"Uhm, you are obviously not home… I´m calling because… yeah… well…" before I could continue making an idiot of myself, I heard a click.

"Bella? Are you still there?" asked Alice´s out of breath and hopeful. I gulped.

"Bella?" the hope left her voice.

"Hey Alice." I whispered.

"Hey." She whispered back.

"I was actually calling to ask if we… if we could meet somewhere and… you know… talk?" the silence on the other side of the line seemed to last forever, before I heard a sob.

"That would be great." I couldn´t help the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

"I thought we could meet in Port Angeles for lunch, if that´s okay for you." I offered with a shaky voice.

"Sounds perfect. Do you have time tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is good. Let´s meet at the diner near the highway, okay?"

"Okay, so I´ll see you there at 12."

"Bye, Alice."

"Bye, Bella."

The drive to Port Angeles was the longest and at the same time the shortest drive in my life. It felt like it was too short because I dreaded facing Alice and having actually to talk to her and it was too long, because I was somehow excited to see my former best friend again.

Were we still friends? How would this end? Being friends again? Being strangers? Or being foes?

I had no idea and I hoped it would be the first.

The diner was almost deserted, but that was good, so we would have time and wouldn´t have to worry about being interrupted.

Alice wasn´t there as I was early and so I took a seat in a booth, ordered something to drink and looked out of the window.

Damn, I was nervous. It was a strange feeling to meet her after such a long time again. So much had happened between the 2 of us. Maybe it was too much. But could I really go on without figuring this out? What would Alice say? What would I say?

Suddenly I felt someone´s eyes on me and looked up. Alice stood a few feet from my booth away and watched me with too many emotions in her eyes.

"Alice." I whispered. She looked beautiful, but her eyes were sad and there were bags under her eyes.

"Bella… uhm…" she began not really knowing what to say.

"Why don´t you take a seat?" I asked to get rid of some of the tension. She nodded once and glided gracefully into the booth opposite me. We both hid behind the menu and ordered something to eat.

"How have you been, Alice?" I asked in a distanced voice. I couldn´t let her see me weak, I had to be strong to get through this meeting. She winced and looked sad at me.

"Thank you for having called me, Bella. I´m sorry that I wasn´t strong enough to do it." Her words got me off guard.

"So often was I about to call you, I had the phone already in my hand and each and every time I chickened out. I didn´t know what to tell you."

Luckily for me the waiter chose this moment to bring our food. I dug into it without tasting it and with a complaining stomach.

"Bella… I…" began Alice again, but I held up my hand to stop her. I leaned back and pushed the plate away. Though I had eaten only a few bites, I felt like I would have to throw up if I would eat one more bite.

I didn´t know how to start. This was really not how I had imagined it. Knowing that I needed time to think, Alice remained quiet opposite me.

"I… a lot happened between the 2 of us, Alice." She nodded with a sad sigh.

"But I realized that it wasn´t entirely your fault." Her eyes widened in shock.

She was about to say something, but I got on before she could.

"Don´t get me wrong. What you did was still bad enough, but I also wasn´t as a good friend as I could have been. All my moping when I had to go somewhere with you, all the times I didn´t really care about your problems. I wasn´t a good friend either." Her eyes filled up with endless pain and tears.

Before I knew, she had thrown some bills onto the table and ran out of the diner. I grabbed my bag and followed her.

"Alice! I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to…" I began, but she whirled around with such an angry face that I stopped midsentence.

"Why are you doing this, Bella?" she called beyond mad.

"Doing what?" I asked truly confused.

"Why… how… I treated you like shit and YOU are apologizing to ME?" he voice had risen an octave and hurt my ears.

"I´m sorry, Alice. I…" she cut me off.

"Stop it, Bella! Just… stop it, please. I can´t take you apologizing to me. You did nothing wrong, it´s all my fault." He voice had died down to a whisper and I saw her legs shaking so hard that I was afraid they would give in under her.

"Alice. It wasn´t just your fault, I wasn´t the best friend either." Her eyes snapped to me, filled with so much pain that I winced.

"You were an angel of a friend, Bella. You kept up with all my stupid little problems. You went shopping with me though you hate it with a force of 1.000 fires and you did nothing than being there for me. How does that make you a bad friend?" I bit my lip.

"I could have been there for you more. I could have taken your problems more serious and I could have at least try to see the good in going shopping with you instead of moping around each time you dragged me." I admitted, feeling even worse after having said it loud.

BANG!

I suddenly lay on the ground and stared with wide eyes at Alice, who stood above me, her right hand raised. A stinging pain throbbed in my right cheek that I held now.

Alice´s eyes widened when she realized what she had done.

"Oh my god, Bella… I… I…"she began to stutter and ran over to her car. For once I was fast enough to reach her before she could get in and drive off.

"Dare you to run off like that, Alice Cullen." I threatened and pulled her back from the car.

"Leave me alone, Bella. It´s too late." She said in such a broken voice that my heart clenched.

"Why is it too late? Too late for what?" I asked, anger boiling inside me.

She took a shaky breath and turned to me, but let her head hang low.

"Because… why did you want to see me, Bella?" her question got me off guard.

"I wanted to see you because I wanted to talk to you. I… missed you." Her head shot up, her eyes impossibly wide, but then they narrowed.

"How could you have missed a selfish, spoiled, heartless person like me?" The way she spoke of herself hurt me deeper than any of Edward´s mean comments.

"I didn´t miss such a person. I missed my former best friend and she is nothing like that." I said now soft.

"I´m am, Bella. I´m the most horrible person in the whole wide world. I… I was so blind. No, I was ignorant. Of course I knew what he did to you, but I didn´t want to see it. I… I couldn´t handle the pain he caused you and the defeat in your eyes. I… just… he´s my brother and you are my best friend. I love you both and I wasn´t strong enough to choose." She admitted in a small voice.

"I never asked you to choose, Alice." I whispered.

"I know and I never understood why." I sighed and hugged myself.

"Because family is all that matters. I know you love Edward and I can´t blame you for it." She gasped.

"Why are you not mad at me… at us? Why don´t you hate us, why…?" I cut her off.

"I tried to be mad at you and to hate you. I even felt like that for a while, but I also missed you." She searched for a while in my eyes.

"I just don´t get it." She eventually sighed.

"Would it help you to know that I don´t really get it myself?" I tried to joke it off. She glared at me, but I saw a little smile tugging on the corner of her mouth, but then her eyes filled up with new tears.

"I´m so sorry, Bella." She whispered.

"I know." I whispered back and then she hugged me as tight as she could, both of us sobbing.

"Maybe we should leave this place and stop giving these people a show." I suggested and nodded into the direction of some people that watched us.

Alice giggled through her tears and nodded.

"Could we… could we go to Forks? Maybe we could… talk." She suggested shy.

"That´s a great idea." I answered with a smile.


	14. Chapter 14

_**I´m back! Sorry it took few days to update, but I´m still ill and running from one doc to the next.**_

_**So here is the next chapter. I hope you like it.**_

"You´ve changed the house." Stated Alice shy as we sat in my livingroom with 2 cups of coffee.

"Yeah… I had to do it. This is my new home and it´s not good for me to live in a house that has nothing from me. Ch…his stuff is in the garage, I couldn´t bring myself to sell it of throw it away." She nodded and took a look around.

"I know it´s not as stylish as you would have liked it, but…" I trailed off as I saw her eyes filling up with pain.

"No, Bella. It´s perfect the way it is. It´s 100% you. I love it." We smiled at each other.

"How have you been?" she asked now unsure.

I hated that we were like this around each other, both of us afraid to say something wrong.

"Good, really good. I struggled for a while, but I think I´ve made it. I went to Europe for 3 months." She gasped, her eyes wide.

"Really?" I nodded.

"Yeah, after…. I had to get out of here, so Jake drove me to the airport and I took the next best flight out. I landed in Italy and decided to travel around from there." I explained.

"Wow, that´s really great." Her smile was true, her eyes sincere.

"Thank you…. Uhm, what about you? How have things been? Jasper moved in with you?" It was supposed to be a save and light topic, but she winced.

"I´m so sorry, Bella. But when you moved out… I felt so lonely and sad. I couldn´t be alone and Jasper was searching for a flat anyway, so I offered him to move in."

"It´s okay, Alice. I´m happy for you." She looked with misty eyes at me.

"Bella…" she started, but didn´t know what to say. I took a deep breath and exhaled angrily.

"This sucks." Alice jumped.

"Oh… I see. I think I should go." She moved to get up, but I held her back by grabbing her wrist.

"Why do you want to leave?" she smiled sad at me.

"It wasn´t a good idea to come here. Maybe you are right and too much has happened."

What? Why? I didn´t want her to leave, I just got her back. Did I say something wrong? Oh… OH!

"No, Alice… I didn´t mean that is sucks that you are here." I began, but she cut me off.

"It´s okay, Bella. I understand, really."

"I mean that we are walking on eggshells around each other, both of us afraid to say something wrong. THAT SUCKS. We were best friends and we… it´s so different now and I don´t want it to be like that." I explained. She looked at the ground, not saying anything for what felt like an eternity.

"I know what you mean. That REALLY sucks." She eventually sighed and looked at me.

"Look. Both of us made mistakes and hurt each other, but… can´t we start new?" I asked now hopeful.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because I really miss my best friend." I answered with a smile. Before I knew it, she had flung herself at me and sobbed into my shoulder.

"I missed you, too." Both of us cried till we had no tears left. I grinned at her, when we pulled back.

"Hello, I´m Bella. Would you like to be my friend?" she shot me a look like I was crazy before she giggled.

"Hello Bella. I´m Alice. I have the feeling we are going to be best friends."

To have Alice back in my life was great. We talked for hours over the phone, getting to know each other again and discovering new aspects about each other. I learned that she had been as miserable as me when we didn´t talk to each other and that made me feel bad. But we had come to terms to leave the past in the past and to enjoy our new and better friendship.

At first, Jake wasn´t too happy about the development, but even he couldn´t deny that I was so much happier with her in my life. Well… Leah kicked his ass to make him see that, but the result is the same, isn´t it?

I even notice that he and Alice began to get along. We often met in Port Angeles or she and Jasper came to Forks to visit me. Jasper was a great guy and the perfect man for Alice. With his calm attitude, he managed to calm her down and he was truly in love with her, as she was with him. I could see it in their eyes each time they looked at each other and though I was extremely happy for them, I felt a tug at my heart. I wanted that for myself, too. Well, seems like I would have to get myself a cat soon.

"Bella? Mum and Dad would like to invite you, Jake and Leah to dinner this Saturday." Said Alice as we spoke over the phone and I froze.

"Uhm, Alice. I don´t know if…" I trailed off and bit my lip.

Was I ready to face them after all that had happened? I felt so guilty for the way I had acted towards Esme. It had been inappropriate and stupid.

"Please, Bella. They miss you." Begged Alice and brought me out of my thoughts.

"I miss them, too. But what I said to Esme…"

"She´s not mad at you. More the other way around."

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked surprised.

"Nothing. Please come, Bella." I could see her puppy eyes through the phone.

"I have to ask Jake and Leah if they have time." I sighed.

"Already done. See you Saturday at 6. You know the way." Before I could say something else, she hung up. Typically Alice.

I was nervous, no, I was horrified about facing them. In those last months had so much happened and I wasn´t the person I used to be. How would they react?

"Bells?" asked Jake and pressed my hand soft.

"It´s going to be okay." He assured. He always knew what was going on in my head.

I managed a small smile to show him I would be fine.

The house hadn´t changed. I know it sounds stupid, but somehow I had thought it would be completely different. Like I said… stupid.

Before we could ring the bell, the door flew open and Esme stood there. She was still as beautiful as before, but her eyes were sad and misty.

"Bella." She whispered and made a move to hug me, but then took a step back.

"Hello Esme. It´s good to see you. May I introduce? This is my best friend Jacob Black and his fiancée Leah Clearwater." I said soft.

"Thank you for the invitation, Mrs. Cullen." Said Leah with a shy smile.

"Please call me Esme… come in, come in." she led us into the livingroom.

After she had brought us something to drink, she excused herself and vanished into the kitchen.

"She´s nice." Stated Jake.

"She was my second mother." I whispered and stared at my glass.

"And she isn´t anymore?" asked Leah with a raised eyebrow.

"I don´t know." I sighed.

"Do you want her to be your second mother?" she asked now. I glared halfheartedly at her. Why did she have to be so observing?

I took a deep breath and got up.

"I know you love me." Said Leah grinning and I couldn´t help but to smile at her.

Esme was working in the kitchen, her back to me.

"Do you need help?" I asked unsure. She wiped her eyes fast, before turning with a fake smile to me.

"No, Sweetie. I got it, but thank you." I could see that she had been crying and it made my heart clench.

"I´m sorry, Esme." I whispered. She tensed up.

"I´m sorry for what I said to you and for how I behaved." New tears filled her eyes.

"I… I don´t know what I was thinking back then and I´m so endlessly sorry for having hurt you." I got on, tears streaming down my face now.

"No, Bella. You were right. We should have known and we´re sorry… all of us." She whispered.

"Can you forgive me for not having been there for you?" she asked sad.

"Only if you can forgive me my behavior." She sobbed and then she crossed the kitchen and hugged me tight.

"How much I have missed my daughter." I hugged her with all I had.

"Love fest!" called a booming voice and another pair of arms wrapped around me. Of course it was Emmett and after Esme let go of me, he turned me to him, picked me up and gave me a proper, bone-crushing hug.

"Hells Bells is back!" he called laughing.

"Let her down, she can´t breathe." Scolded Alice and to my surprise he did it.

"Good to have you back, Hells Bells."

"Hells Bells?" I asked with an arched eyebrow. He grinned wide and nodded.

"You really gave us hells." A wave of guilt washed over me. Emmett had nothing to do with all this and still I had ignored him.

"I´m sorry, Em." I mumbled and bit my lip.

"Nah, it´s okay… just don´t do it again." The last part was low and serious.

"I promise." He hugged me again, but this time more carefully.

"I´m sorry, Bella." Said Carlisle honest and looked sad at me.

"I was really ignorant and stupid. I should have known that…" I held up my hand to stop him.

"What´s in the past, is in the past. I think we all feel sorry and guilty. So how about we leave it behind us and move on." They shot me strange looks but nodded.

"Great to have you back." Said Carlisle and embraced me in a fatherly way. A lump formed in my throat, but I managed to gulp it down.

"Did we miss something?" asked Jake with a huge grin, as he and Leah entered.

"Not much, man." Answered Em and patted him on the shoulder. I looked surprised at them.

"What? Can´t old buddies talk?" teased Em with a huge grin.

"Old buddies?"

"Bells… how, do you think, did we check on you all these months. We needed a spy to keep up updated." My mouth fell open, my eyes so wide that they nearly popped out of my head.

"You… told them about me?" Jake rubbed the back of his head and nodded.

"You… you…" I didn´t know what to say.

"I´m sorry, Bells. But they missed you like hell and they wouldn´t leave me alone. How should I have reacted. They obviously love you as much as I do." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"It was my fault, Bella. I more of less forced him to tell me how you are. I was so concerned and missed you so much and…" began Alice to explain, but I held up my hand to stop her.

"You are impossible, Jacob Black." I eventually managed to say.

"I know?" his response sounded more like a question.

"Did you know this?" I asked now looking at Leah, who hid behind her fiancé and nodded.

"I thought you were…"

"We love you, Bella. Please, we did it for you." She pleaded. I took a deep breath.

"You two are the most… wonderful friends a person can have. Thank you." They stared open mouthed at me. I burst into laughter before hugging them with all I had.

"So, you are not mad?" asked Jake unsure as I pulled back. I beamed at him and shook my head.

"No, I´m not. Thank you. Now I know why you pushed me into talking to Alice." I winked at Leah, who grinned proud.

"All you need is love… all you need is love…" Em sang in the most horrible tune.

Esme hit the back of his head.

"Ouch! Mum! I just tried to make this moment perfect." He complained and rubbed his head.

"By singing so much off the tune?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hey! That´s my personal touch." We burst into laughter and it felt freeing. I looked at my friends and knew things were beginning to look up for me eventually.

When I turned around, I froze. Edward stood in the door to the kitchen, a sad smile playing on his lips. He looked as perfect as always, but his eyes were unbearably sad.

"Bells, you okay?" asked Jake concerned as he noticed the change in my statue, but I couldn´t answer.

When he turned to follow my gaze, he tensed up.

"I better go now. I just wanted to check if…" he trailed off and turned to leave.

"Wait Edward. You don´t have to leave because of me." I heard myself say before I knew what I did.

**What do you think? Too cheesy? Is Belly too fast with forgiving the Cullens?**

**Yupp, Edward is back. I thought it was time to bring him back in ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Wow, over 100 reviews! Thank you soooo much. I would have never thought that anybody would want to read my story. Thanks, thanks and did I already say thanks? ;)**

**I love to read what you think of my story, it really makes my day.**

**A special thanks to my biggest fan **33** for her sweet words.**

**Okay… here´s the new chapter.**

Edward whirled back to me and looked surprised at me.

"I really should go." He offered weak, but his eyes filled up with hope.

"It´s okay. This should be a new start for all of us and I think we should at least be able to act civilized with each other." The hope in his eyes vanished and his jaw clenched, but he nodded. I felt Jake putting his hand onto my shoulder.

"Are you sure, Bells?" he whispered into my ear. I just nodded.

"Well then… dinner is ready." Announced Esme to break the tension in the room.

I felt sick when we all sat around the table. Conversations flowed easily and there was a lot of laughter… the perfect happy family. It was perfect… too perfect. Everybody tried to have fun a bit too much and I felt the nervous glances everybody shot me from time to time. I participated in the conversations as best as I could, but my mind kept drifting to Edward, who sat opposite me. He looked pale, tired and too thin, like he had worked too much and eaten and slept too less in the last months. He was still beyond beautiful, but his sad eyes made my heart clench. I just hoped it wasn´t because of me that he looked so bad.

But I was sure it wasn´t because of me. As if he would care about me.

On the other side, each time I looked at him, I caught him staring at me with these sad eyes that were so closed up and deep at the same time. If I wasn´t careful, I could get lost in them.

"Thank you so much for the lovely evening." I said as Jake, Leah and me were about to leave.

"You´re welcome, Bella. And I hope you will come and visit us more often now." I hugged her.

"I promise." As she pulled back, she had the happiest smile on her face.

I hugged all of the Cullens except Edward, who lingered behind the rest of his family.

"Good night, Edward." I said and held out my hand to him. He jumped and stared at my outstretched hand like it was about to bite him or something.

"Good night, Bella. Get home safe." He eventually replied and shook my hand. A tingling sensation wandered from your entangled hands up my whole arm. I gasped and looked into his beautiful green eyes. His eyes were slightly wide, telling me that he had to feel it too.

"Uhm… Bells?" asked Jake unsure from behind me.

Yeah… going home with Leah and Jake… right… move, Bella… look away from him, damn it!

After another moment, I managed to pull my hand away.

"Bye." I mumbled, looking away from him, a traitorous blush creeping up my face.

The Cullens looked curious and happy between Edward and me while Jake glared at him. Leah had a knowing smile on her face.

"Let´s go." I stated and got into the car without looking back.

How time flies by. The Cullens were back in my life for half a year now and I felt much better. I still missed Charlie dearly, but I had learned to cope with his death.

After all, he had been a wonderful father and I knew that he had loved me as I had loved him. I just wished we would have had more time together. But I decided that he wouldn´t want me to dwell on his loss and live my life instead. That was all he ever wanted for me. And that was what I did. I began to write my book and enjoyed it very much. Though Jake bit my ears off with his pleading about being able to read my work, I wouldn´t let him. It was very personal to me what I wrote and till now I wasn´t ready to show anybody.

The Cullens were wonderful. I met them often and they even accepted Jake and Leah as us 3 were a package. We met often at either of our homes and spent time together. Also Jasper and Rose fit in perfectly. At first I was a bit distanced with them, but I realized that they were really great people. Jasper with his ever calm attitude was perfect for my hyper Alice. He was smart, thoughtful and not to forget hot. Not that I was interested in him.

Rose was really bitchy from time to time, but she was a great woman. She was strong, tough and she fought for the people she loved… me included.

At first she and Jake were unbearable together, always fighting. As they are both into cars like no other, they eventually began to talk about cars and now they… still not really like each other, but they get along.

Edward… well, I didn´t see much of him, only when all of us are at Carlisle´s and Esme´s house. He never joined the others when they came to Forks and I was somehow thankful. It was still extremely tensed between of us, well… more like walking on eggshells. I still felt self-conscious about in front of him. We barely spoke to each other, but when we did, his velvety voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"Did you know that Edward moved to Forks?" asked Esme me as the family was over at my house one Saturday.

"He what?" I called beyond shocked. Edward… here in Forks… why didn´t I know this?

Esme jumped and nodded.

"When?" she looked down at her hands, that didn´t stop chopping the vegetables for dinner.

"About 2 months ago." She admitted and I gasped.

"2 months? Why did nobody tell me?" I asked now softer, not wanting to startle her.

"We didn´t know how you would react and he didn´t want us to tell you." She answered sad.

"Oh… I´m sorry, Esme. I know it´s hard for you with him and me." I put my hand onto her shoulder. She turned with a weak smile to me and shook her head.

"Don´t feel guilty, it´s okay. It´s just…" she shook her head again and sighed.

"Just what, Esme?" I whispered somehow afraid of the answer.

"He´s so lonely, Bella. Not because we don´t love him, but because he chooses to be."

"But… why?" I asked confused. The look she gave me was so sad and defeated that tears welled up in my eyes.

"He thinks he doesn´t deserve to be loved, Bella. Not after what he did to you." She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Oh my god… Esme… how can he think that?" I stuttered horrified.

Yes, he had been an ass, but how could he do this to himself? Apart from being an ass he was a wonderful person that deserved to be happy.

Esme sobbed softly. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight.

"I know you hate him for what he did to you, but… I have the feeling I´m losing him, Bella. Please help him." She begged in between sobs.

"Esme… how can I help him? I don´t even…" but she cut me off.

"May… maybe you could talk to him. Please, Bella. He won´t listen to any of us." New tears filled her eyes.

"You hate him and that´s okay, but please… I don´t… I can´t see him like that." A new sob shook her.

Who was I to help Edward Cullen? What did she want from me? He couldn´t be like that because of me, could he?

"Please, Bella." She whispered.

"Esme, I…" her eyes filled up with sadness.

"I understand. It´s okay, Sweetie." She sighed and wiped her tears away.

I didn´t want her to be so sad. I couldn´t let her down like that. She had done so much for me.

"I´ll try, Esme. But I can´t promise if he even want to talk to me." I heard myself say before my brain even registered it.

Esme´s head snapped up, her eyes wide and full of hope.

"Really?" she asked in disbelieve.

"I´ll try." I said again. This time she hugged me, sobbing into my hair.

"Thank you, Bella."


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello again!**

**First of all… thank you all so much for reading my story, for adding it and for all the lovely reviews.**

**So, I hope Esme´s little guilt-trip was okay ;) Mothers! Don´t we all know?**

**Okay, here´s the new chapter. Enjoy!**

"So… you´re going to talk to him?" asked Leah casually as I was over at her and Jake´s house in La Push a few days later.

"I don´t even know what to talk to him about." I admitted with a sigh.

"I would suggest, you either kick his ass for thinking like that or you kick his ass for the way he used to treat you… well, you already kind of did that." She giggled while she looked through ideas for flower arrangements for her wedding.

"Thanks Leah. You are SUCH a great help in this." I replied sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

"Well… all good things come in three. You could visit him and try to be his friend. He seems like he needs one." Her eyes flashed to my face for a moment before she looked back the pictures.

"Me being friends with Edward Cullen? Good joke." I chuckled humorless, but stopped, when I saw that she was honest.

"Really Leah? I don´t think that´s such a good idea." She shrugged.

"Why not? He´s alone, you´re alone and you´re both in Forks."

"I´m not alone." I complained.

"True, but you are lonely."

Why did she always have to be so right? And since when did she know me so well? I wasn´t alone. I had the Cullens and her and Jake. I was so happy to have them all in my life and I was thankful. But I was lonely, that was true. I liked to think that I felt like that since I had lost my father, but… truth be told, I had always felt lonely. Like I didn´t fit it. I knew just too well how Edward felt and it made me sad. Yes, he had been an ass beyond believe, but even he didn´t deserve to feel like that.

Did I deserve to feel like that, you ask? I don´t think so. But where is written that life is fair? Right, nowhere.

I had to help Edward. Being friends couldn´t be that hard, could it? Damn, who was I trying to fool. I WOULD be really hard, but I could try.

And so I stood in front of Edward´s house, which was surprisingly close to my home and tried to muster the courage to knock at the door. It was evening and the lights were on, so he was home.

I had some boxes with food in my hands. Esme had told me that he had lost even more weight and she believed he didn´t eat properly.

_Okay, Bella. You can do it. Just raise your hand and knock._

And so I did. My heart was bumping so loud that I was afraid that everybody could hear it and my palms were so sweaty that I had problems to hold the boxes.

It took a few minutes, but then I heard shuffling from inside together with some grumbling.

Maybe he was busy or had a visitor. I should have called first.

Before I could turn around and leave, the door flung open and there he stood. He looked like a fallen angel. His hair was more messy than ever, he looked tired with deep bags under his beautiful but dull eyes. Esme had been right, he had lost even more weight. The sight of him made my heart clench.

"Bella?" he asked surprised as he realized it was me. The words came out in a slur and I noticed he swayed slightly. Was he drunk?

"Hey Edward. I… hope this isn´t a bad time. I can come some other time if it is." I greeted nervously. He looked so intense at me that I shivered. I wasn´t sure he had heard me, so I cleared my throat.

"Oh… no, no. No bad time. Come in." he slurred and opened the door wider to let me in.

"You want a drink?" he asked behind me, but I shook my head. I drank from time to time, but not too much. After all I was the daughter of the former chief of police and I obeyed to the law.

"No, thank you. Are you hungry? I brought something to eat." I said instead and walked to search for the kitchen. When I reached the livingroom, I gasped. The room was a complete mess. Bottles and boxes lay everywhere, together with dirt and used clothes.

Sorry to say, but it looked like a pig whole. I noticed music playing softly and gasped again. Clare de Lune. My favorite song when I felt depressed. Did he feel the same way about this song?

"Oh… sorry. I… didn´t have the time to clean up." Mumbled Edward next to me and scratched his head.

"Never mind." Again he watched me.

"What are you doing here?" he suddenly asked and I jumped.

I couldn´t tell him that Esme begged me to come, so I had to make something up.

"Well, Esme told me you moved here and I wanted to say hello to me new almost neighbor." I answered too innocent. His eyes told me that he knew I was lying, but he nodded.

"So, how about dinner?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I´m not hungry." He strolled over to the couch and slumped down on it.

I had no idea how to react, so I decided to go into the kitchen to put away the food. The kitchen was as a mess as the livingroom with even more bottles. The whole place smelled like alcohol and something else. Like something had died in here. When I opened the fridge, I knew why it smelled so bad. All the food was bad and screamed ´light out´. I was so bad, it already lived. When did he go grocery shopping the last time? Better asked… when did he eat properly the last time?

"You came at a bad time." I heard Edward at the door and whirled around to him. He had to hold onto the doorframe to keep balance and he looked like he hadn´t had a shower in weeks.

Something changed inside me as I looked at this broken man in front of me. He was hurting about something and he needed somebody to pull him out of his depression.

I just knew too well how he felt, but at least I hadn´t given up completely, like he obviously did.

"Listen, Bella. Thank you for stopping by, but I think you better leave now." His eyes begged me to stay, but his body was defensive.

"No." I simply replied. It took him a moment to register what I had said.

"What?" he asked surprised.

"I said ´no´, Edward." My voice was surprisingly calm and confident.

He looked with narrowed eyes at me, contemplating what to do next. Eventually he sighed and walked back into the livingroom. When I followed him, I saw he poured himself another glass of whatever alcohol he was drinking. Before he could drink it, I was in front of him and took it out of his shaking hands.

"What the hell, Bella!" he called mad and glared at me.

"Give me the glass." But I shook my head.

"Bella." He warned, his glare intensifying. But I didn´t back up and glared at him instead.

"Stop, Edward. Stop doing that to yourself." I said calm. His eyes widened for a moment, before they turned to stare at something above my head.

"That´s none of your business. You should leave now." His voice was defeated, almost dead.

"Okay." I sighed, took my bag and left.

When I sat in my car, I thought about what just happened. He was hurting, but he was too stubborn to let anybody in. Well, I could be stubborn myself.

With new found confidence and anger, I got out of my car and knocked again. Edward opened the door with an annoying look on his face.

"What?" he snapped. I just pushed past him into the house and began to tidy up.

"Fuck, Bella. What are you doing?" when I looked up, I saw him running a hand through his unwashed hair.

"What does it look like?" I asked and got back to work.

"Damn it, Bella. I can take care of myself." His voice was filling up with anger.

I arched an eyebrow at him before looking at all the bottles on the table and on the floor.

"That´s none of your business." He hissed.

"True, it´s not." He jumped.

"But I was where you are now and though I don´t know the reason I won´t stand by and watch if I can help." Suddenly his eyes grew cold.

"Then leave." These 2 words hurt me, but I wouldn´t let him see that. Instead I walked over to him till I stood right in front of him. My hands were on my hips and my eyes confident and locked to his.

"You know what, Edward? Go on and be an ass, if you have to. I don´t care, but I care about your family that is desperate and afraid to lose you. Do you even have any idea how much you are hurting them with your behavior?" His eyes filled up with pain.

"Do you think I don´t know that?" he whispered so low that I barely heard it.

"Then stop it." I demanded. He stared me down, but I didn´t back up.

"It´s not as if you didn´t do the same to them." That was a low blow and it didn´t miss its destination. Tears filled my eyes. He was right, I hadn´t done much better than him.

"Bella, I´m sor…" he began, but I cut him off.

"You are right, Edward. But at least I came to my senses eventually and pulled my shit together. I´m not proud of how I treated them, but that´s how I felt at that time and I won´t apologize to YOU for it. Your family loves you and they are concerned. They don´t get through to you anymore. Do you really want to hurt them so much?" he winced slightly.

"I thought so. So get your shit together and grow up, Edward. Everybody has to eventually." He took in my words and I knew I had managed to get him. His eyes were unsure and almost asking me how to do it. He looked so lost.

"How about that? You go upstairs and take a nice and relaxing bath while I´ll tidy up and warm up the food I brought?" I suggested in a softer voice now. He just nodded and walked towards the stairs. When he had the right foot on the first step he looked over his shoulder.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" he thought for a moment before a weak smile crossed his face.

"Thank you." With that he walked upstairs, where I heard the water running shortly after. I smiled to myself and began to work.

**Hmm… suggestions? Comments? **


	17. Chapter 17

**I´m back! I´m so sorry for having taken so long for the next chapter. Things are a bit… chaotic and complicated at the moment. So sorry for that.**

**I want to thank each and everyone of you who are reading, adding and reviewing to my story. **

**YOU ROCK!**

When he came back down an hour later, the flat didn´t look like a complete mess anymore. I had thrown away all the bottles, collected the dirty clothes and began to vacuum at least the down floor. I had laid the table and the food was ready, its smell floating through the air.

"Wow." I heard from the door and whirled around. Edward stood there in fresh clothes, washed and shaved and, of course, my traitorous heart began to race.

"You look better." I said and put the food onto his plate and put it onto the table.

"I feel better." He replied and took a seat.

"Dug in." I turned around and began to wash the plastic boxes.

"What about you?" he asked behind me.

"I´m not hungry." I answered with a smile over my shoulder.

"Would you… sit with me?" I turned around just in time to see him brushing with his hand through his hair.

"Uhm… sure." Only after I had taken a seat, he dug into the food. He inhaled it like he hadn´t eaten in weeks, which was probably true.

"This is heaven, Bella. You are a wonderful cook." He moaned when he looked up at me. I smiled and shrugged.

Before I knew it, he had emptied his plate.

"Do you want more?" I asked. His eyes widened.

"There is more?" I nodded giggling, grabbed his plate and filled it again.

It made me happy to see that he was eating. He had really lost weight and while he ate, his extremely pale skin got a bit more color.

"Thank you. That was really delicious." Said Edward with a loud sigh and patted his stomach.

"You´re welcome. I´m glad you liked it." He studied me for a while, his green orbs searching first in my face and then in my eyes.

"Do I have something in my face?" I asked self conscious and bit my lip. His gaze intensified.

"No, don´t worry. Your face is perfect." I blushed deeply and looked at the table.

"May I ask you a question?" he asked. I just nodded.

"Why are you doing this?" I sighed and looked at him.

"Like I said before… I don´t know what happened to let you fall so deep, but I´ve been there before and I thought I could help you… maybe." He said nothing.

"Esme asked me to look after you. She´s really concerned." I added wit downcast eyes and bit my lip again.

I didn´t know what he was thinking. He could be beyond mad at me for intruding.

"Thank you, Bella. I really needed a kick in the ass." He suddenly said. My eyes snapped back up to lock with those green orbs that held remorse and amusement in them.

"You´re welcome." I replied and got up to clean the table. I needed to break the tension in the room, it became too much for me.

"Let me help you." He stood up and came to stand next to me. So much about getting a break.

"I can do it, really." I tried to complain and he picked up the towel, but he shook his head.

"You tidied up, you vacuumed, you cooked. That´s the least I can do." I looked for a moment with narrowed eyes at him.

"What?" he asked with a crooked grin.

"Nothing." I mumbled and began to wash the dishes.

"Surprised that I can act like a normal person towards you?" though it was supposed to be a question, it sounded like a statement. I shrugged, my eyes fixed on the plate in my hand.

"I´m sorry, Bella." He whispered. My eyes snapped to him and what I saw made me gasp. He looked at me with so much pain and sorrow, it was almost unbearable.

"I….it´s okay… Edward." I stuttered, lost in his eyes, but he shook his head.

"It´s not _okay_, Bella. I should get an award for the greatest ass on earth." He sighed.

I didn´t know how to react to that. This was far too intense and serious for the both of us to handle right now. We weren´t ready. So I did the first thing that came to my mind. I laughed.

Edward jumped at the sudden sound of my laughter and glared at me.

"What´s so funny?" he snapped.

"I… I´m sorry… I… I´m… just seeing a big golden… ass in front of me… right now… as your… award." I said in between laughter. He looked at me like I was crazy, but then I saw a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Soon both of us were laughing so hard that we had to hold onto the counter to not topple over.

"How do you get such ideas." Said Edward, trying to catch his breath.

"I´m sorry… it comes naturally. I can´t really help it." I took a deep breath, trying to relax my hurting stomach.

"That was fun." I added and grinned at him, but my grin faded when I saw the look on his face. It was still painful, but something else was in his eyes and neither did I understand it, nor did I want to try to decipher it. At least not now.

"Uhm… I better go home now. It´s quite late." I mumbled and bit my lip. He snapped out of something and tensed up, but nodded.

"Yeah, probably." I grabbed my stuff and walked to the door.

"Have a…" I turned around to say goodbye to Edward and jumped. He stood so damn close.

"Good night, Bella. Thank you for tonight." He said soft and brushed a strain of hair behind my ear. Immediately, my face went up in flames.

"Nothing to thank me for, Edward. Have a good night." I turned around without looking at him and opened the door, but my hand froze on the doorknob when he whispered my name.

"Y…yes?" I croaked and turned back around slowly.

"Thank you… really. Nobody has ever done something so nice for me." My heart clenched. Could it be that the golden boy Edward Cullen was lonely.

"Don´t be ridiculous, Edward. Your family would have done it." I tried to reason, but he shook his head.

"They wouldn´t. They respect my privacy and I wouldn´t have let them storm into my house like I let you." My eyes widened and my breathing grew faster.

"All I want is to say thank you. And…" but he cut himself off and sighed defeated. I didn´t like to see him like that.

"What is it?" I asked soft. He searched for a moment in my eyes and I smiled soft.

"I know I would deserve it as the last person in the universe, but…" he took a deep breath and held out his hand to me.

"Friends?" I stared at the hand like it was something that was about to attack me. He wanted to be friends with me? Why? What would it look like to others? How would it be for us to be friends? We´ve never been friends. Could we be now? How? How should that work?

My inner fight must have taken too long, because I heard him sigh.

"It´s okay, Bella. Like I said… I´m the last person in the universe to deserve your friendship." His smile was forced and I could see so much sadness in his eyes.

Right as he was about to pull back his hand, I grabbed it. Both of us gasped in surprise about my action.

"Friends know each other, friends trust each other, friends are there for each other no matter what." I whispered the words my dad taught me all those years ago and smiled to myself.

"We can´t be friends like that, Edward." He winced.

"BUT… we can try to become friends. But this will need time." His eyes widened before he nodded fast.

"Okay. Good night, Edward." I let go of his hand and turned back around.

"Thank you, Bella." He said so honest that I shivered.

I just nodded without turning back and almost ran to my car. When I was in the safety of the cabin, I let out the shaky breath.

What the hell had that been? Friends with Edward Cullen? Seriously, Bella? Damn!

**So, friends, huh? Could be interesting ^^**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry, it took a while to update. But it´s REALLY chaotic at the moment. My parents moved last Saturday into a new house and I´m still ill. Now my dad is also ill and is in hospital. **

**And in between it was my birthday on Monday. So… sorry.**

"SQUIRREL!" boomed Em and knocked so loud that the whole house shook. At least it felt like that.

I hurried to the door and opened.

"Em? What are you doing here?" I asked surprised. He picked me up and hugged me so tight that it hurt.

"Ouch." I managed to get out. Immediately, he let go of me and looked concerned at me.

"You okay, little one?" I choked for a moment, but nodded.

"Sorry, I keep forgetting how fragile your body is." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Strong person, fragile body." I had to smile. This was Em´s way to tell a compliment. He was proud of me and happy to have me back in his life.

"Are you done, you big oaf?" asked Rose annoyed as she stepped into the house.

"Hey Rose." I greeted confused. Why were they here?

"Hey, Bella. You´re looking good." She replied and hugged me.

"So…" I offered lamely, still not knowing what they wanted.

"Do I smell Lasagna?" asked Em and rubbed his hands together. He looked like a child on Christmas morning.

"Uhm… I just put it into the oven." I had made 2 Lasagnas, planning to bring one to Edward. I hadn´t seen him in a week and wasn´t sure if he was eating properly again.

"Wow! There are 2! COOL!" called Em from the kitchen.

When did he walk in there?

"Do you expect guests?" asked Rose me, her eyes suddenly unsure, but I shook my head.

"No, I just wanted to…" I bit my lip and blushed into a deep red. I didn´t want to tell her about me having gone to Edward. It was not her business.

"You want to join me?" I asked instead.

"As if I would have another chance. Em won´t shut up about that Lasagna of yours." She huffed, but I knew that she was happy I had invited her.

"You are lucky, baby. Bella invited us for dinner!" she called with a smile.

"Really? COOL!" boomed Em back. Rose sighed and shook her head. When she caught my eye, we burst into laughter.

It was nice to have Em and Rose here, but I still didn´t know why there were here. We chatted about our lives for a while, but I couldn´t shake off the feeling that they were here for a reason.

When we ran out of topics, the atmosphere changed.

"Oh, spill it out already." I sighed when I had enough. They tensed up and looked unsure at each other.

"What do you mean?" asked Em too innocent. I just rolled my eyes.

"I´m happy you are here, but I know you didn´t just stop by to say hello. So?" They shared another look before Em took a deep breath.

"Okay, you got me. I dragged Rose here with me because I wanted to see you." He admitted.

"Well, that´s nice, but…" but he cut me off.

"I want to thank you, Bells." He said so serious that I gasped. Never in the last 10 years since I know Emmett Cullen, had I heard him talk so serious.

"Em." I whispered, but he looked at the plate. Rose put her hand on his arm and smiled soft at me.

"What Em is trying to say is that he wanted to thank you for taking care of his brother. He was so concerned about him that he was ready to beat him up to make him come to his senses." She explained. Em sighed and nodded.

I bit my lip, not knowing what to say to that. They obviously knew, but how? And what should I make out of that?

"Bells… He was devastated and nobody from the family could get through to him. That´s why Mum asked you. You were our last hope and you were successful. Thank you, Bells. I thought I would… lose my little bro." Em´s voice cracked on the last part and tears welled up in my eyes. What happened really? Was it really that bad? This wasn´t the Em I knew. He looked so sad. Where was the big goofy-like teddy bear? I didn´t like Em like that!

"I did nothing, Em." I mumbled, still biting my lip.

"Oh yes. You did some serious ass kicking, girl." Replied Rose with a proud smile. Though this was serious, a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"I´ve heard you were furious." I jumped.

"Okay. What did he tell you guys?"

"Not much. Just that you nearly knocked the door down, forced him to get cleaned up and tidied up.

"After he had thrown me out before." I huffed and their eyes widened.

"Forget it. I did nothing. End of story." I said before they could make any comments.

"You did and we thank you for that… all of us." I smiled soft at Em and put my hand on his.

"Oh my god, Em!" I called in fake shock.

"What?" he asked and jumped up. I winked at Rose, who had to hold in the laughter.

"You forgot to eat your Lasagna. Now it´s cold!" I looked with wide eyes at him. He looked so confused that Rose and I burst into laughter. At first he glared at us, but then he laughed himself.

Lighting up the situation? Check.

Well, now that the Lasagna was gone (Em ate one and a half by himself, Rose and me shared the other half), I had nothing to bring to Edward. What should I do? Should I go none the less?

Being friends with Edward… did that mean to meet for a coffee or to invite each other to Sunday dinner? I really had no idea how to behave. Should I make the next move or was it his part to do something.

On top of not knowing how to act with Edward Cullen, I had all hands full to do with the preparations for Jake´s and Leah´s wedding. Being the maid of honor meant a lot of work and organizing. The more there was the work on my novel and my tries to fix the house. Yes, it was paid and all but there was so much to do… stuff from that I had no idea.

I began to feel kind of overwhelmed with all the work, but I had to do it anyway. So why complain about it?

Saturday around midday, the water pipe broke and the kitchen was more a swimming pool than anything else. I tried for about an hour to fix it myself, but gave up eventually. I was completely soaked and trembling from the cold. After all it was winter and somehow the heating must have broken down because of all the water or something.

I tried to call Jake for help, but he didn´t answer the phone and no plumber worked today.

Just my luck.

When the doorbell rang, I jumped and… OF COURSE… fell flat onto my face into the water. I came back up coughing and swearing and went to open the door.

"Bella? Oh my god, what happened?" asked Edward with a mixture of concern, shock and amusement when he took me in.

"Don´t ask." I snapped and walked back into the kitchen.

"Whoa… did you decide to have a pool in the kitchen?" I heard him behind me and turned to glare at him.

"What else? I was bored." I shrugged and went back to trying to fix the water pipe, but the water still ran.

"Did you turn off the main tap?" he asked now and I froze for a second before I jumped up and ran to turn it off.

When I returned, he had difficulties to hold in his laughter.

"Don´t." I warned and he immediately sobered up.

I tried to get the mess in the kitchen under control, but I was so cold that my hands cramped and everything fell down.

"Why is it so cold in here?" asked Edward now carefully.

"The heating must´ve broken down." I answered tiredly.

"Damn, Bella!" he called so loud that I whirled surprised to him.

"It´s freezing in here and you are soaked! Your lips are already blue. You´ll get pneumonia." Before I knew it, he had grabbed my hand and pulled me with him.

"Where are you going Edward?" I asked, but didn´t get an answer. When he opened the frontdoor, I pulled away from him.

"What the hell, Edward. What´s the matter with you." He turned to me, his eyes full of anger and something else.

"You need to get out of here. How long are you soaked like that anyway?"

"Why do I need to get out of here? And how long doesn´t matter. Why would you care?" His eyes widened, a flash of hurt in it, before he blew out a breath loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Damn it, Bella. I´m just trying to help you here." He sighed frustrated.

"Thank you VERY much. But coming here, making fun of me and then treating me like an idiot really DOESN´T help." I snapped.

He looked with narrowed eyes at me, before he stormed off.

Well, that was interesting. He really had problems when it came to communication. At least he was gone now and I could go back to tidying up.

The kitchen was ruined. That much was for sure. I had the feeling of getting colder and colder though I had changed into some dry clothes after I had managed to get the water on the floor under control. I was still trembling and I couldn´t even take a hot relaxing shower. Damn.

What had I done to deserve such a shitty Saturday anyway?

The night had been hell. My body wouldn´t warm up and I hadn´t gotten any sleep with all the trembling and my clattering teeth.

I felt like crap and I also looked like crap. And I had a mean cough that felt like it cut open my throat. I couldn´t even make myself a hot cup of tea after the kitchen was broken.

The doorbell rang again and I went to open.

"What?" I croaked when I saw it was Edward.

"I´m sorry, Bella. I was an ass before, but I´m concerned about you, okay? I may not have shown it in the right way, but…" he trailed off, looking unsure at me. He seemed to be honest and I had to smile.

"It´s okay, Edward. I´m also sorry. I overreacted." He sighed relieved and flashed me one of his famous crooked grins. Normally I would have blushed, but felt too cold to do so. It took me a lot to not clatter my teeth in front of him.

"You okay?." He asked with a frown.

"I´m fine. Don´t worry." A huge tremble went through my body. At least my voice didn´t let me down completely.

"You are freezing, Bella. Why don´t you come over to my place to warm up?"

"It´s really okay, Edward. Tomorrow I´ll call somebody for the water pipe and the heating and then it´ll be okay." His eyes narrowed at me.

"Please, Bella. You´ll get really ill if you stay another night in such a cold house." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Edward, I´m really fine." I felt suddenly extremely tired. His hand was suddenly on my forehead and he frowned again.

"You have a fever." He mumbled.

"No, I don´t. I´m fine, thanks for your concern. I´ll see you around, Edward." I wanted to close the door on him, but his foot stopped me.

"When can do this the hard way or the easy. Either you´ll come with me or I´ll call mum." He said seriously and my eyes widened.

"What about the best way? You go home and stop worrying about me and I´ll stay here?" I asked, pretending to not be affected. I didn´t want Esme to worry for nothing.

"What a friend would I be if I let you alone now?" he asked hurt. I sighed, feeling even more tired than before if possible. The room began to spin and I had to lean against the wall for support.

"That´s enough." I felt 2 strong arms lifting me up and carrying me outside.

"Let me down, Edward. I´m fine." I protested, but it sounded even weak to my ears.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey everybody!**

**Thank you each and everybody for reading, reviewing and adding me to your favorites. That really means a lot to me. **

**I still can´t believe you really like my story, to be true. But it makes me very happy. **

**Thank you also so much for all your wishes for my Bday, recovery and my dad. That´s really sweet.**

**This chapter is a bit shorter, but still I hope you´ll like it.**

Edward´s car was warm, but my body wouldn´t stop trembling and my teeth were clattering so much that it hurt.

"Here." He took off his coat and put it around me. It was warm, comfortable and it smelled like him.

"Thank you." I whispered, my voice having left me. He pressed his hand to my forehead again and frowned deeply.

"You are too stubborn for your own good." He mumbled and started the car.

"Same for you." I tried to snap, but it didn´t have the effect with my voice gone.

"Can you walk?" he asked as he helped me out of the car.

"Of course. I´m f…" My legs felt like jelly and gave in under me.

"Sure you are." He sighed and picked me up before I could fall down. I felt so tired and exhausted, so I rested my head onto Edward´s chest and closed my eyes.

The mean cough let me shoot up, taking my breath away and tears welling up in my eyes from the pain in my throat.

"Shh… it´s okay. Don´t panic." I heard a voice and needed a moment to realize it was Edward. He embraced me softly and tried to calm me down, but the cough would leave me. It really hurt and panic rose inside me as I couldn´t breathe.

"Wait." His arms left me and I missed his warmth. I felt much warmer now, but still a bit cold.

A glass of water appeared in front of me, but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn´t take it.

"Let me help you." Eventually the coughing died down a littlebit and he took the opportunity to put the rim of the glass against my lips. I drank thirstily, ignoring the pain in my throat.

"Good girl." He smiled softly at me, making sure I drank as much as possible. When I had enough, he put the glass onto the nightstand next to the bed and pressed his hand against my forehead again. A deep frown crossed his face.

"Your fever is still high." I lay back, completely exhausted.

"Where…" a new cough shook me, but not as bad as before.

"Shh, Bella. Don´t talk. You´re at my house, remember?"

Oh yeah… right… the broken down water pipe.

I showed at the bed and looked questioning at him.

"This is my bedroom." I jumped and looked with wide eyes at him and he chuckled. It sounded beautiful. For a moment, I looked at his beautiful face, but then I noticed that he was only in his pajama bottoms and that I was just in my underwear. Horror washed over me.

"What is it?" he asked concerned.

I showed at him and then at me, pleading him to tell me what happened with my eyes.

"Oh… don´t worry. Nothing happened. But you were so cold and freezing and I had to get you warm. As you were more or less unconscious, you couldn´t take a bath so…" the trailed off and brushed with his hand through his hair.

Oh my god. What did he do? How did I end up here?

No… no, no, no, no, no…NO! Did he…? Please not!

My thoughts must have shown on my face, because he tensed up.

"It´s not what you think, Bella. But I had to get you warmed up, so I… kind of helped you to undress and lay in bed with you. You know… body heat and that. It requires as less clothes as possible to work." I blushed furiously and stared at my hands.

"I did nothing, Bella. I swear. I could never…" he trailed off and brushed with his hand through his hair again. A strain of hair still was in his eyes and I reached up to brush it away.

Both of us gasped when we realized what I was doing. I pulled back, my face even redder if possible and bit my lip.

"Thank you." I whispered. He looked oddly at me.

"For helping me." I clarified. Something in his beautiful eyes changed as he nodded.

"Go back to sleep, Bella." He murmured and sighed.

"You should be warm enough now, so I´ll go and sleep in the guestroom." He turned to get up, but I held him back by grabbing his wrist. Both of us stared at our hands and I bit my lip, unsure of what to tell him. I didn´t want to be alone in his room. I didn´t want him to leave, but how would he react if I told him that? I couldn´t ask him. Who was I to? And how would it look like to him? Friends didn´t share a bed like that. Damn, we weren´t even friends.

"Bella?" asked Edward so soft that I shivered, but not from the cold.

"Are you still cold?" he asked unsure. My lip hurt from all the biting, but I nodded.

"Shall I…?" I looked shyly at him.

"Maybe another blanket will help." He thought loud, but I shook my head. Instead I scooped a bit over and held up the blanket for him. His eyes widened and he took in a shaky breath.

"Bella, I…"

"Please." I whispered. He looked at me for what felt like an eternity, obviously fighting an inner battle. He didn´t want to share the bed with me and that was okay. No, it hurt. But I felt so tired, exhausted and scared. I didn´t care if he felt disgusted by sharing a bed with me or not, I needed him.

Eventually he sighed and got in next to me.

Both of us lay on our sides, looking at each other.

"It won´t work like this." He mumbled a bit amused. I looked confused at him.

"Come here. I can´t let you freeze, can I?" I bit my lip again as I scooped as near as possible to him. To feel his skin on mine warmed me deep inside and I sighed happily, but froze when I realized it. I really hoped he hadn´t notice.

"Everything okay?" he asked and put his arms around me, pulling me even closer. I just nodded without looking at him.

"Bella?" he asked. I lifted my eyes to his and what I saw in them left me breathless. His gaze was so tender and…

"Thank you for letting me taking care of you." He whispered and pulled on my chin so my lip was freed from between my teeth.

I blushed again and looked down, but then I smiled a little and lay my head onto his chest. He tensed for a moment before he relaxed and stroked my back softly.

I could hear his heartbeat and it soothed and comforted me.

"Good night." I whispered and closed my eyes. I was so tired that sleep overtook me almost instantly. But shortly before I was pulled in completely I thought I heard Edward respond.

"Good night… my love."

Funny… dreaming before I was fully asleep?


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey everybody. Sorry for the delay, but I spent the last 2 weeks in hospital… without internet **

**Thank you all so much for reading, adding and reviewing! I´m really happy that you like my story and that you want to read more :D**

**So, here is an update.**

**I hope you´ll like it!**

The sun shining into my face woke me up and I groaned when I tried to turn around. My whole body felt sore and my throat ached like I had eaten a sharp knife. I kept my eyes closed for a moment longer before taking a deep breath and opening them. As soon as I took a look around, I froze. Where was I? This was not my house or my room. This room was masculine, tidy and smelled like…

"Bella?" I heard Edward from the door and my head snapped to him, giving me a huge headache.

"Ouch." I groaned and put my hand to my throbbing head.

"Are you okay? Where does it hurt?" he asked concerned and was immediately at my side.

"I´m fine." I whispered, my voice not working again and pressed my eyes shut to flee this horrible situation.

"Do you feel a bit better?" He asked after a moment. His voice was dark and soft, but also concerned and tight.

"Yes, a bit." I whispered and looked at him. He wore a jeans and a shirt this time and I blushed when the pictures of the last time I had been awake washed over me.

"Here, I got you some medicine for the cold and made you some tea." He handed me some pills together with a mug.

"Thank you." I croaked out and sat up slowly, trying to get rid of the nausea and the spinning feeling in my head.

He watched intently as I took the pills and took a gulp of the steaming tea. I grimaced as the hot liquid went down my throat, but it felt good.

"Good girl." He mumbled and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking for a clock.

"5 pm… you were out most of the day, but that´s good." He answered and took a seat in a chair next to the bed.

"Oh… I´m sorry, Edward. I better go home now." I mumbled and tried to get up, but the spinning feeling and his hands on my shoulders kept me from doing it.

"No, you don´t. You are far too weak to go home. You can stay here." He said softly. I looked for a moment at him, lost in his beautiful eyes, before I realized that I was in his bedroom.

"No, Edward. This is your room, I can´t…" but he shook his head.

"No need to worry. The house is big enough and I won´t let you leave till you are fit again." His words were pained but sincere. I bit my lip to think about it, but he was right. My house was cold and probably still wet and I really felt like shit. I couldn´t go home now, but I didn´t want to be a burden to him.

"I could call Jake and ask him to stay with him." I thought loud, but stopped when I saw his hurt expression.

"You can really stay, Bella. I don´t mind." He snapped.

What had I done?

"Oh… okay… thank you." He nodded and sat back down onto the chair.

"I made some calls. Somebody will fix the water pipe and the heating tomorrow." I looked surprised at him.

"Thank you." He just nodded.

"Are you hungry? I could make you a soup. You need something to eat." Again I bit my lip. I was hungry, but eating in front of Edward Cullen? Not such a good idea. He seemed to know what I was thinking because he sighed frustrated and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don´t be ridiculous, Bella. I can leave the room if you don´t want to eat in front of me." He sounded mad, but also pained.

"A soup would be great." I said before he could get more frustrated. He just nodded and left.

I lay back into the fluffy pillows and closed my eyes.

It was really nice of Edward to take care of me, but I wasn´t sure if I liked it. Why of all people did it have to be him who takes care of me? We were on speaking terms, but we were far from being friends or trusting each other. If only Jake would have answered my call 2 days before, then I could stay with him and Leah now instead of Edward Cullen.

"Bella?" asked Edward carefully and my eyes flew open.

"I thought you went back to sleep." He explained and I just nodded. Then he handed me a cup with hot soup and a spoon.

"Take your time. I´ll check on you later." I wanted to complain, but he had already left.

Was it really that I was still uncomfortable with him eating in front of me or was it stupid to act like that. I could see that I hurt him with my behavior, but how often had he hurt me in the last years? But this wasn´t about revenge or making him suffer. Edward was a good guy, just a bit mislead and he didn´t deserve to feel so bad about me.

"Edward?" I asked timidly, but no reaction.

"Edward?" I tried again with more force and was shaken from another coughing attack. Immediately, he rushed into my room and took the cup from my hands.

"Shh, my love. Try to breath calmly." He said soothingly and stroked my back. Though the coughing was really mean, I didn´t miss him calling me ´my love´ and couldn´t help but to wonder if what I had heard last night hadn´t been a dream at all.

"Okay now?" he asked after I had calmed down again. I just nodded.

"Did you want anything? Do you need something?" he looked stressed and tired and I felt bad for him.

"I just… didn´t want to… eat alone." I managed to choke out and he took in a shaky breath, his eyes wide and unsure.

"You…" I looked pleadingly at him.

"Did you eat something?" I asked now. He sighed and shook his head.

"Why don´t you… get something for yourself and…" another cough shook me. He nodded fast and vanished before returning with a sandwich for himself. I couldn´t help the smile that tugged at my lips when he came back in.

We sat in silence, both of us eating and lost in thoughts.

"Thank you, Bella." He suddenly said and I looked surprised at him.

"For this." He showed at our food. I flashed him a timid smile.

I slept for the major part of the next 2 days, feeling completely drained and exhausted. But eventually, I began to feel better though I still felt weak.

Edward stayed with me as long as he could, but he had to work and so I was alone for some time. I called Jake, who had been worried sick about me after he had heard my message from the weekend, but I had managed to calm him down. He wasn´t too happy about me staying with Edward, but even he had to admit that it was better than to stay alone.

My voice was still raw, but much better. When Edward was home, he sat with me and we… talked. It was nice to get to know him a bit and to discover that he was actually just a normal person like anybody else. We were still hesitant with each other, but I felt that I began to open up to him. We had a lot in common, like our love for books and music and when I wasn´t too tired, we had some real good discussions. But we never touched the topic of our past or of Charlie and I was thankful for it.

On the 3rd day, I felt much better and got up after waking up. I heard voices from the kitchen and tapped downstairs carefully. I was afraid of tripping over my own feet and I still felt a bit weak and didn´t want to fall down for no reason.

"She´s fine, Alice." I heard Edward´s voice. He sounded annoyed.

"Why didn´t you tell me, Edward? I tried to call her and was worried." She complained. I stopped behind the corner, not sure if I should disturb or not.

"She is ill, Alice. You would have come here immediately and would have started hovering about her. She needed time to recover." He explained calmly.

"Of course I would have. She´s my best friend and I was worried!" called Alice mad.

"Well, you can see her when she wakes up. I think she´s much better now." He sighed.

"Are you okay?" asked Alice after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah… it were some hard days." He admitted tiredly and my heart clenched. Surely he had have better things to do than to take care of me.

"You really care for her, don´t you?" she whispered and I tensed up. Edward didn´t answer.

"You don´t have to answer, brother. But… may I tell you something?" again he was quiet.

"You are doing a great job so far. She´s beginning to open up to you and I think she begins to trust you."

"How do you want to know?" he snapped mad and I jumped.

"I know Bella. She doesn´t trust easily… never did. She´s so much like Charlie was in that case. But the fact that she kicked your ass when you were so down and that she let you take care of you shows it." He sighed deeply.

"She wouldn´t be in this situation if it wasn´t for me." He sounded so hurt that it hurt me.

"You helped her a lot, Edward. You took care of her and help her to be fit again…" but he cut her off.

"That´s not what I mean and you know it, Alice. If I wouldn´t have been such an ass, she would have never… never mind." Again they were silent.

I bit my lip forcefully. I knew that I was intruding a moment that wasn´t meant for me to hear, but I also couldn´t bring myself to go back upstairs.

"Like Bella said. What´s in the past, is in the past. She´s beginning to forgive not only you but us all. But you also have to begin to forgive yourself." Tears welled up in my eyes. Alice was right. I was really beginning to forgive them.

"And what am I supposed to do? To act like I never hurt her? To look away when I see all the scars on her body or the broken look in her eyes? No, Alice. I´m a monster." He hissed and that moment my heart broke for him. I had to do something, I couldn´t let him suffer like that.

"She still has problems to eat in front of me though she is way too thin. I did this to her, Alice. It´s all my fault." A sound escaped him that sounded like a sob.

Before I knew it, I had rounded the corner and looked at the scene in front of me. Alice looked with teary eyes at her big brother, who sat with his head in his hands at the table.

"Stop that." I whispered and both of them jumped.

"Bella." Gasped Alice with wide eyes. I managed a weak smile at her, before I walked slowly over to where Edward sat. He stared with sad eyes at me and begged me to stay away, but I didn´t.

"Stop that, Edward. All this selfloathing and the regret will bring you nowhere. What happened, happened. It´s in the past and… like Alice said… I began to forgive you." He winced and turned away from me.

"You really shouldn´t, Bella." He whispered.

"I think that´s my decision. Fact is that you took care of me though you didn´t have to and I´m really thankful for that." He whimpered and looked back at me.

"Don´t feel bad, Edward. I´m not worth it." I begged soft. His eyes widened for a moment before they closed down.

"Not worth it." He spat and shook his head.

"I did this to you, Bella. I´m the reason you feel like that. I´m a monster." He jumped up and wanted to step around me, but I didn´t let him. Instead I blocked his way.

"Bella…" he begged.

"Don´t Edward. Please, don´t. I couldn´t live with the knowledge that you feel bad because of me." A tear rolled down my cheek and he wiped it away softly. We stood there for a moment, lost in each other´s eyes, but then he tensed up, shook his head and sighed.

"I´m sorry, Bella. I can´t act like nothing happened." With that he left the house and me and Alice looking sadly after him.

**Things are getting interesting, aren´t they? :p**


	21. Chapter 21

**Seems like I had a good moment. So here´s another chapter.**

"So he thinks he is a monster?" asked Leah a week later, when I was with her in Port Angeles for some wedding shopping.

I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, he feels like he´s a monster for what he did to me."

"Well, he is." I jumped and glared at her.

"What? It´s true. He didn´t treat you like a gentleman should, did he?"

"That feels like a lifetime ago." I sighed and looked at a dress.

"Does it really?" she asked suspiciously and I looked with raised eyebrows at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… you say it´s in the past, but is it really? Did you forgive him?" I bit my lip and thought about what she just said.

Well, to be honest, I hadn´t thought about it that much. I mean… hat I forgiven him? I had more or less forgotten about our past and had begun to see Edward like a normal person… a friend.

"I thought so." Mumbled Leah.

I just looked blankly at her.

"You didn´t forgive him by now and that´s good. I would have to hit you if you did like that. But you are a good person with a pure heart and you don´t want to see anybody suffer because of you." She began to explain.

Though I didn´t want to hear it, I had to admit that she was right.

"You don´t have to say anything. I know that I´m right." She winked at me and I nudged her into the side.

"And now?" I asked with a sigh.

"Did you talk to him since it happened?" I could only shake my head. I hadn´t heard from Edward since that day and Alice had taken me over to my house after he had left. I had wanted to call him or to stop by, but I hadn´t dared to do it. He surely needed some space and who was I to not give it to him.

"I think you should. You are both adults and should be able to handle a situation like that." She said with finality. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Since when are you a fan of Edward Cullen?" she chuckled humorless and shook her head.

"I´m not and I doubt that I´ll ever be, but I think you could help each other and… admit it. You begin to think of him as a friend, don´t you?" a traitorous blush crept up my face that I hid behind my hair as fast as possible, but she saw it.

"It´s okay, Bella. He´s a nice guy if he doesn´t act like an asshole." A very unladylike snort escaped me.

"Think about your relationship to him. Sort it out and then talk to him about it." She looked seriously at me and I knew she was right. I hugged her tightly.

"Thank you, Leah. You are a great friend." She hugged me back and giggled.

"Who would have thought we could be such good friends a few years ago?" I also had to giggle and soon we were laughing freely.

Was Edward my friend? Had we managed to grow nearer in the last few weeks? What were we? And why did I miss him so much? His voice, his eyes, the little fights… Did he think about me as I thought about him right now? Did he… miss me? No, I couldn´t believe that… not him.

My phone brought me out of my musings.

"Hey, Hells Bells!" said Em´s booming voice after I had answered.

"Emmy! How are you?" I teased back. I hated to be called Hells Bells.

"Emmy? I´m not a girl, Hells Bells. I´m fine and you?" he complained and I had to giggle.

"Well and I´m not Hells Bells. So stop calling me that. I´m also fine. What´s up?" We talked a bit about our life and how things had gone so far. From what he told me, he was still happy with Rose and things looked like they were getting serious.

"So, have you heard from my dear brother?" he asked nonchalantly and I tensed up.

"Not in the last time, why?" I asked, trying to sound casual and not like my heart was racing like mad.

"Well… I met him for lunch the other day and he seemed to be a bit… off. I was just wondering if it something happened." He said timidly.

"Why would you think that I know?" I asked suspiciously.

"You are friends aren´t you? And he has begun to open up to you, so I thought…" he trailed off and sighed.

"Never mind."

"No, Em. I´m sorry. We had kind of a… discussion and I haven´t seen him since then." I admitted and began to play with a strain of my hair.

"Oh really? What happened?" I sought in a sharp breath.

"Uhm…"

"It´s okay, Belly Button. You don´t have to tell me. I don´t want to intrude." He added fast but I could feel the sadness in his voice. He was really concerned about his brother and sought my help.

"He thinks he is a monster for what he did to me in the past and can´t forgive himself." I said as fast as I could.

Em was silent for a moment, just breathing heavily.

"Is that what you are thinking? That he is a monster for what he did to you?" he sounded so serious and defeated at the same time.

"NO! That´s not what I´m thinking. I tried to convince that it´s in the past, but he didn´t want to listen to me!" I called and covered my mouth with my hand immediately, my face going up in flames.

"So… you don´t hate him?" he sounded almost hopeful.

"No, I don´t." I answered with a little smile as it was the truth. I didn´t hate Edward Cullen. How could I?

"I think we became kind of friends over the last few weeks." Again, Em was silent for a moment.

"That´s wonderful, Bella. You know… only you can help him." He mumbled more to himself than to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What? Oh… nothing. I have to go now. It was great talking to you. How about meeting sometime soon?"

"Uhm… okay."

"Great, we´ll talk soon. Love you, Belly Button."

"By, Em." He hung up and I was left confused. What had that been about?

No matter how much I tried to concentrate and to get some work done on my book, my mind kept drifting back to Edward. Eventually I gave up with a frustrated sigh. I had to do something. And so I grabbed my bag and headed out to my car. I fired up the engine and began to drive towards Edward´s house. I even reached it, but I couldn´t bring myself to get out. What to tell him? How to react? He obviously didn´t want to see me and he avoided me.

I bit my lip and thought about an excuse to talk to him, when I remembered that he had organized the help with the water pipe and the heating. I hadn´t even thanked him for it. So I took a deep, calming breath and got out of the car. It took me about 5 minutes till I raised my hand to ring the bell, when the door suddenly flew open, revealing a hesitant but amused Edward.

"I was already wondering if you would need the whole day to get up here and ring the bell." I blushed furiously.

"I…" he chuckled and stepped back to let me in.

Huh? That was odd. I had expected him to ignore me or to ask me to leave.

"What brings you here?" he asked as we took a seat in the livingroom.

"I… uhm… You took care of my heating and the water pipe and I haven´t even thanked you for it." I answered and bit my lip. His face somehow fell.

"Never mind, Bella. It was nothing." He waved his hand dismissively.

"That´s not true. Thank you for that. And I…" I looked unsure at him, trying to read his emotions, but his face was blank.

"I wanted to see how you are." I admitted in a whisper. Something lit up in his eyes… excitement?

"I´m okay." He said flatly.

I bit my lip again and nodded, not knowing what else to say. What a stupid idea to come here without a plan. But I had to do something because it couldn´t go on like that. So I took a deep breath and looked at him. He tensed up, but remained qiet.

"Listen, Edward." I said with a sigh.

"I don´t want you to feel bad because of me, okay? I meant when I said that it´s in the past, okay? I thought about what happened and I… I realized that I really don´t hate you for it. I… began to think of you as a friend and I had hoped you could feel the same way about me. Two buddies helping each other through a tough time." He took in my words, his face clouded with something I didn´t understand.

"Friends." He mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, friends. It´s something, isn´t it?" he shot me a strange look before shaking his head slowly. My heart sank.

"Well, it is something." He said in thoughts.

"We don´t have to be if you don´t want to. That´s okay with me. But please stop feeling guilty, okay? You don´t have to do that out of guilt. Not…" he shot up from his chair before I could end my sentence.

"Don´t tell me ´not about me´, Bella." He snapped and I jumped.

"I´m sorry." He brushed with his hand through his hair and sighed frustrated.

"I thought a lot about the 2 of us in the last time, Bella. And I… I missed you. I know we are just getting to know each other and that it´s not all rainbows and unicorns between us, but I enjoy spending time with you. Friends sounds good to me." He whispered and my heart went into overdrive. He enjoyed spending time with me! He wanted us to be friends!

"Well, I feel the same way." I said in a confident voice. He whirled to me, his eyes wide. For a moment he searched in my eyes before a beautiful smile spread over his face.

"So… friends?" he asked hopefully and held out his hand to me.

I got up and looked for a moment at his hand, before I took it and pulled him into a hug.

"Friends." I confirmed. Immediately his arms went around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His nose was in my hair and I thought I heard him sniffle it. At that moment, I didn´t care. It felt right to hug Edward and I would enjoy this feeling and our new formed friendship.


	22. Chapter 22

**I´m back! Sorry for the delay, but there´s a lot of stuff going on right now. So… I hope you´ll like it!**

"So? You are friends now?" asked Alice excited as I told her about what had happened. I nodded.

"Yeah! Finally!" she squeaked and hugged me tight.

I was taken off guard by her happiness, but hugged her back.

"Now things are beginning to be great. I can have my best friend AND my brother at the same time." Guilt washed through me. Yeah, Alice hadn´t been the best friend to me in the whole ´Edward-thing´, but it had also been hard for her. I knew how much she loved him and how she looked up to him.

"Don´t." warned Alice and watched me with narrowed eyes.

"I know what it going on in this pretty little head of yours, Bella. Don´t. It´s not your fault." I flashed her a small smile. Looks like things really began to be great.

The next time was really wonderful. I saw the Cullens, Jake and Leah a lot and I spend more and more time with Edward. It was actually… fun, which was an odd feeling. I noticed that I laughed more and that I was happier. But that was also what made me feel bad. I still missed Charlie like hell and it felt wrong to go on with my life and to act like he had never lived.

"What´s up, Bells?" asked Jake when I was over at his and Leah´s house for dinner.

"Nothing, why?" I asked surprised. He shot me a warning look.

"I know you better than you know yourself, Isabella Marie Swan. You are dwelling on something." I tensed up.

"It´s nothing, really." I eventually sighed.

"Well, then you can tell me." He pushed.

"I´ll… wash the dishes." Said Leah and got up. She wanted to give us time, but she was my friend.

"We can to it later, Leah. Please…" A little gasp escaped her before she sat back down.

"I know that you want to give Jake and me privacy, but you are as much my friend as Jake, Alice and Edward. So…" I trailed off when I noticed their amused expressions.

"What?" I asked unsure.

"Like me, Alice and EDWARD?" asked Jake with raised eyebrows.

"Uhm…" My traitorous blush was answer enough.

"It´s okay, Bells. I think it´s great that you are friends now." My eyes narrowed at my best friend.

"How come?" he tensed up and chuckled nervously.

"He´s a good guy."

"Since when?" His eyes flashed to Leah for help.

"Your fiancé won´t help you in this." I warned both of them. Jake watched me for a moment, before he sighed.

"So? Since when?" I asked again.

"Since you were ill." He admitted and I jumped.

"He took care of you and he… that were really kind of him and I think… he…" Was Jacob Black stuttering? In all the years I´ve known him, I´ve never heard him stuttering. It made me a bit nervous.

"He´s a good guy and he´s good for you, Bells." He said so honest that I shivered. If that was good or not, I wasn´t so sure about. Before I could say something, he got on.

"Since you spend more time with him, you are… I don´t know… more relaxed and happier." He shrugged. Leah nodded.

"That´s not because of him, that´s because of all of you." I replied softly.

"Also, but he is the main reason. We were there before, but since he…" I shook my head furiously.

"No, Jake. Yes, I admit that Edward became a friend for me, but it´s you and Leah that helped me through all this." Though I didn´t want to, tears welled up in my eyes.

"What is it, Bella?" asked Leah concerned.

"It´s nothing, really… It´s just… Life goes on and I´m… happier now. I smile more and I enjoy life again and I can´t help but to feel…. Guilty. It´s like he was never alive and that´s not how I want it to be. He´s my dad and I…" a sob escaped me and I hid my face in my hands.

Immediately, Jake´s big arms embraced me and pulled me into his chest.

"Shh, Bells. I understand." I clang onto him and let the tears flow.

"He wouldn´t want you to feel guilty, Bells. He would want you to be happy and to live a normal life. I´m sure he´s happy for you." Said Jake soft and stroked my back.

"I don´t want to forget him." I sobbed silently.

"You won´t… nobody of us will ever forget him, Bells. He was a wonderful man and he loved you more than his life." I pulled back and looked with wide eyes at Jake. I had always know that Charlie loved me, but he had never been a man of many words. Jake held my gaze with a smile.

"Thank you." I whispered and hugged him again.

"No need to thank me." He said and kissed the crown of my hair.

When I pulled back, I looked unsure at Leah. She knew that Jake and me were only friends, but this was a bit too intimate. My worries flew away when I saw her smiling at me.

"Okay… let´s do the dishes." I said and got up.

I felt less guilty, but it was still there when I came home that night. I really missed him, so I took a deep breath and made my way towards the garage where his stuff still was.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard Edward call when I opened the door. He had just gotten out of his car and jogged towards me. His hair was windblown and his skin rosy from the cold. He looked great.

"Hey, Edward. What are you doing here?" I asked and his face fell a little.

"I… well… I thought…" Oh, he thought I didn´t want him here.

"I didn´t mean it like that, Edward. I just thought you had to work." I said fast and a true smile lighted his face. He was really goodlooking.

"Oh… I went home a bit earlier. There wasn´t much to do today and I wanted to…" he brushed with his hand through his hair. Was her nervous.

"Come in." I said to save the situation.

"Were you about to leave?" he asked suddenly and I tensed up.

"No, I was… I was on my way to the garage." I admitted and bit my lip.

"Oh… I can leave if you want me to." He offered unsure, but I shook my head.

"No, it´s okay. I…"Again, I bit my lip.

Did I want to do this with Edward Cullen of all people? Was I ready for him to see me weak because I knew it would be hard for me to go through his stuff.

"What is it?" he asked concerned and pulled on my chin so I released my lip. He seemed to be truly concerned and it touched me.

"I could use… moral support." I whispered, not able to look at him. Edward took in a shaky breath but remained quiet. My head hung low, but I looked from under my lashes at him when the silence became too much. He looked pained.

"You don´t have to. We can also…" began to offer, but he cut me off.

"Of course, Bella. Let´s go." He grabbed my hand and led me over to the garage. A tingling sensation wandered from our entangled hands up my arm and through my body. It felt… nice.

The garage was dusty and the light not very good, but an unknown calmness washed through me when I noticed the faint smell of Charlie.

"So…" offered Edward unsure when we stood in front of the boxes.

"How about we grab a few boxes and bring them inside?" he nodded.

"Which ones do you want?"

"Just grab any." I shrugged. And so we each took a box and brought it into the livingroom.

After having fetched something to drink, we settled down on the couch.

I just stared at the boxed, unsure if I was ready to go down memory lane. Edward seemed to sense that I needed a moment and waited patiently. Eventually, I opened one of the boxes and grabbed the first thing that lay on top. It was his uniform.

I felt the material in my hands while my father´s scent filled the air around me. I was calming and exciting at once.

"He was so proud to be the chief of police." I whispered with a little smile.

"And he was a good one." Added Edward. I jumped slightly, having completely forgotten that he was there.

"Yes, he was." I agreed, my smile growing a bit more.

We began to dig through the boxes and I shared my memories with him. It felt good and I was actually happy that it was Edward who did this with me.

"What´s this?" asked Edward and handed me an semi seized box.

"No idea." I shrugged.

"Why don´t you open it?" he suggested.

"It´s his." I hesitated.

"Maybe it´s important." I bit my lip and looked at the box in my hands. It was tall and pretty heavy.

With a deep breath, I opened it and gasped when I saw what was inside. There were old photos from me, together with my certificates and other stuff inside.

A smile spread over my face as I looked through the items, but I froze when I got to a bunch of pictures of Edward and me. I couldn´t remember when they were taken, but they must have been from our senior year.

"Are you okay?" asked Edward hesitant. I bit my lip and nodded.

"MayI?" He looked so unsure and shy, it was really cute.

I handed him the pictures without saying a word and he looked through them with a smile on his face.

"I remember that day." He mumbled.

"You do?" I asked with raised eyebrows. He nodded.

"It was the first day of spring break and we were all at our home for a barbeque." He explained. I had to smile when the memories came back.

It had been one of the rare nice days and Charlie and me had been invited to the Cullens for barbeque and for watching a game. We had a lot of fun that day and Edward had been quite nice that day.

"Yeah, I remember now." I said softly. Edward handed them back to me and looked through the other stuff. I looked back at the pictures and smiled. They were about 10 pictures being taken through the day. They were all of Edward and me and in every picture, he was watching me.

A strange feeling rose from my stomach, a mixture of excitement and horror. What should that mean? Did it mean something? Or was I just imagining things?

Just to check the date, I turned one of the pictures around and gasped.

_One of the happiest days of my life with my daughter, the boy who loves her and his family._

"Is something wrong?" asked Edward and made me jump. Immediately, a blush crept up my face.

"Uhm… no. Everything fine."

Why had Charlie written that on the back? And why had he thought Edward had loved me?

I remembered Edward´s letter and how he had explained that he have had feelings for me back then, but I couldn´t believe it… not Edward Cullen.

"Is there written something on the back?" he asked that moment and snatched the pictures from my hands.

"Edward, no!" but it was too late. He read what Charlie had written and tensed up. I bit my lip with so much force that my teeth broke through my skin.

"I´m sorry." I eventually mumbled and titled my head down.

"I don´t know why he…" but Edward held up his hand to stop me, but he didn´t say anything. Why was he reacting like that? What did that mean?

"Edward?" I whispered and looked at him. He didn´t look at me, but nodded his head to show me that he had heard me.

"Is it true?" He tensed up even more.

***hiding behind the couch* Sorry, for the cliffy, but it was too tempting ;-p**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everybody.**

**First of all I want to thank you all for reading, adding, reviewing…**

**I got so many great reviews this time (like all the other times). Thank you, thank you, thank you! That really means a lot to me. **

**This chapter is short, but better than nothing, right?**

He was silent for a long while and though I was dying to know the answer, I was also scared of it. So I remained silent.

I had no idea how long we were sitting there, but it felt like hours… maybe it was. Edward stared at one of my certificates in his hands, his jaw clenched and his body so tensed that he trembled slightly. Before I knew it, my hand reached out and touched his forearm. A jolt of electricity went through my body and both of us gasped.

"Uhm… it´s okay, Edward. You don´t have to answer that question. Sorry I asked. It was stupid." I assured with a smile.

He stared at me, his eyes searching in mine. It felt like he tried to see my soul. And though I didn´t like it and though it made me feel uncomfortable, I let him. His eyes widened slightly as I held his gaze with all my guards down. It was ridiculous to let him see me like that, but it felt like it was important to him.

"Yes." He eventually said in a surprisingly strong voice. My mouth fell open slightly, but nothing came out.

Edward Cullen had been in love with me… with ME! Ugly, fat, plain Bella Swan.

"I… I´ll get more to drink." I managed to choke out, jumped up and more or less ran into the kitchen. This was so much to absorb. He had really been in love with me. That was unbelievable. And what did that mean now? Did it mean anything? Did it change anything? I guess not.

_What´s in the past is in the past. _

And he just admitted that he HAD been in love with me, but not that he IS in love with me.

WHOA! What was I thinking? Did I want him to be in love with me? Did that mean that I…? No, definitely not! Or…? No.

I went to the sink and let cold water flow over my wrists to calm me down, then I splashed the water into my face. It helped me to calm down and to think more clear, but my brain was still a mess.

I took a few deep and calming breaths, grabbed some soda and went back into the livingroom. Edward sat still in his seat, looking through the items that once were my life. I could see that he was looking as some more pictures, a true smile on his face.

"Hey." I said timidly.

His head snapped to me, his expression suddenly blank.

"Hey." He replied softly. I flashed him a weak smile and sat back down.

"I´m sorry." I whispered and bit my lip.

"Don´t be… it´s me, who…" he began, but I cut him off.

"No, Edward." Again he searched in my eyes and then nodded. We were silent again, but it wasn´t comfortable like all the other times we had shared moments of silence, it was tensed.

"I never saw those pictures. When were they made?" he suddenly asked. I peeked at the pictures in his hands and couldn´t help the little smile that tugged at the corner of my lips.

They showed Alice and me, fooling around and having fun.

"We took them while we lived in NY. We had so much fun that day…" I trailed off, getting lost in the memories.

"I can see that. You 2 look so happy." Agreed Edward with a soft smile.

"Both of us had this huge exam that day. And we were just so relieved to be done with it. To celebrate, we went to this lovely little park just around the corner from our flat and just enjoyed the sunny day. It was great. I´ve never had so much fun again." My voice wasn´t more than a whisper by now. A big hand grabbed mine and pressed it soft. Though it felt strange, it also felt good and I was thankful for the comfort he offered me. I put my other hand on his and smiled at him.

"You do look happy… truly happy. And you look really beautiful." He mumbled more to himself than to me.

"Alice is always beautiful, no matter what." I replied softly.

"Maybe, but I wasn´t talking about her. YOU are beautiful, Bella. You always were." A shiver ran down my spine. If in a positive way or a negative way, I wasn´t so sure about.

For a moment, I allowed myself to get lost in those beautiful green pools that were so intense, but then I tensed up and pulled my hands away.

"It´s late, I better go now." Sighed Edward and got up. Disappointment washed through me, but I nodded.

"Okay… thank you for, you know, everything." I mumbled and bit my lip while I walked him to the door.

"No need to thank me, Bella. It was my pleasure." He replied.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Bella." He hugged me timidly, but I clang onto him. When he pulled back, he looked deep into my eyes.

It looked like he wanted to say something, but then he shook slightly his head, kissed my cheek and hurried to his car. I could only watch him open mouthed, but then a smile formed on my lips.

"Bella?" he called when I turned to go back inside.

"Yes?" I asked and turned back around.

He brushed with his hand through his hair.

"I WAS and I still AM." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and wanted to ask him what he meant, but he was already in his car and sped off.


	24. Chapter 24

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I was in Seattle at my former flat. Alice and Jasper had invited me, Em and Rose to dinner. They had also invited Edward, but he had to work. Though I understood that it was work, I was disappointed.

"Earth to Bella! Are you still there?" called Alice and snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?" I asked and tried to avoid her curious eyes.

"Where have you been? You looked like you were a million miles away." I bit my lip. I surely couldn´t tell her that I had been thinking about her older brother and his strange last statement from the last time I had seen him.

"Oh, nothing important." I mumbled, but the pixie in front of me put her hands on her hips and began to tap her foot impatiently.

"Isabella Marie Swan." She warned. I just rolled my eyes.

What to tell her when I didn´t understand what was going on. What had he meant with ´I was and I still am´?

I had no clue what he had meant with that and though I REALLY wanted to know, I was also hesitant about finding out.

"BELLA!" called Alice annoyed.

Oops, I should stop zoning out so much.

"Sorry, Alice."

"Jazz! Help me!" she sighed exaggerated and looked pleadingly at Jasper, who watched me intently. I didn´t like it one bit.

"Let her, Ali." He eventually said and leaned back in his seat. I sighed relieved and looked thankful at him. He smiled back, but something about it was off.

"So, how are things going with Edward? Did you see him in the last time?" asked Rose casually and I tensed up.

"Uhm… pretty good. I visited him a few days ago." I answered, trying to sound casual myself, but failing miserably.

"OMG! Really? That´s great!" squeaked Alice and jumped in her seat. I looked with a raised eyebrow at her and she calmed down immediately.

"I mean… I´m happy you overcame your… discussion." She mumbled. Alice could mumble?

Something was really off, but I shrugged it off.

We talked about regular stuff for a while.

"So… what is this between Edward and you?" asked Em suddenly and I jumped.

"What… what do you mean?" He just raised his eyebrows and shot me a pointed look.

"We are… friends." I answered.

"Friends." Snorted Rose.

"Yes, friends." I didn´t know why, but I got defensive.

"Nothing more?" Jasper looked intently at me and I shrunk deeper into my seat under his gaze.

"No?" Somehow it sounded more like a question than an answer.

I bit my lip and looked at my plate. Suddenly I wasn´t hungry anymore.

"Bella?" asked Alice carefully, but I didn´t react.

"You know how he feels about you, don´t you?" I snorted and nodded.

"Wrong." Said Em. My eyes snapped to him.

"You still think that he hates you and you still don´t trust him, but he has changed. I mean really changed. Yes, he was an ass to you, but he regrets it and since you became friends he…" he trailed off when he saw Alice glaring at him.

"He what?" I asked.

"Nothing." Mumbled Em. Rose put her hand onto his shoulder and rubbed it soothingly.

I really wanted to know what they were talking about, but I didn´t dare to press the topic. Instead I changed it.

I still didn´t understand what Edward had meant and it began to frustrate me. I also wanted to know what it was that Em hadn´t told me during dinner. I was somehow… worried?

The next time was stressful. Jake´s and Leah´s wedding was only 2 weeks away and we had all hands full with organizing everything. The happy couple wanted a small and intimate ceremony, but still there was so much to do. Alice went crazy about the dresses, flowers, napkins… I really wanted to strangle her, but she was also a great help.

Due to all the work, I didn´t see Edward, but we texted from time to time to check how the other was. I didn´t want to admit it to myself, but I somehow missed talking to him in person.

After a long Saturday with Leah and Alice I felt exhausted and only wanted to take a long, hot and relaxing bath before snuggling into bed and reading a good book. But my plans were destroyed when the doorbell rang.

"I swear I´ll kill you if you want to discuss another dress with me, Alice." I threatened and opened the door, but gasped when it wasn´t Alice, but Edward. He looked horrible. His hair was more messy than ever, his clothes were full of wrinkles and he was deathly pale.

"Edward." I whispered shocked.

"Hey, Bella. Sorry for disturbing you. I can come some other time, if…" but I shook my head and stepped aside to let him in. He flashed me a weak smile when he passed me by.

"Are you hungry?" I asked when I followed him into the livingroom, where he sat down, lend forward and put his head into his hands.

"No, thank you." I nodded and took a seat next to him. He was completely tensed and I felt really bad for him. What had happened?

But I didn´t ask him, instead I remained silent and gave him some time. But he didn´t say anything and was still tensed. After about 10 minutes, I reached out carefully and began to massage his scalp. A sigh escaped him and I froze for a moment but continued when I realized that he began to relax. His shoulders relaxed more and more and he closed his eyes, obviously enjoying what I did.

His hair felt smooth and I was somehow thrilled to finally touch it. I bit my lip, feeling somehow guilty. He was here and obviously felt bad about something and I was happy to touch his hair? What was wrong with me?

I had no idea how long we sat like that, but it felt like hours. Maybe it was. Edward had leaned back and had rested his head against the back of the couch. His eyes were closed and his body now almost completely relaxed. My hand was still in his hair. His breath was even and his face seemed to be at peace, so I assumed he had fallen asleep. I sat up carefully and removed my hand, but gasped when he grabbed my wrist.

"Could you… continue if… that´s okay?" he whispered without opening his eyes. He sounded so defeated. I didn´t answer, but went back to massaging his scalp. He sighed deeply.

"I lost a patient today." He suddenly said and I froze for a second.

"She was only 4 years old… leukemia. I thought I could save her. I PROMISED to save her, but the leukemia was stronger." He got on and my heart broke for him. I knew how much he loved to be a kids doctor and how passionate he was about it.

"She was the strongest little thing I´ve ever met. She was always happy and never gave up. But today…" a strangled noise escaped his chest, a sob.

I bit my lip, unsure what do to. How could I help him?

His eyes flew open and he looked with misty eyes at me. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw how desperate he was.

"I promised her, Bella. I promised her parents to save her, but I couldn´t." he whispered.

"It´s not your fault, Edward." I replied softly.

"It is. I should have never… I´m a horrible doctor." He sat back up and hid his face in his hands.

"How could I promise her? I should have known better." He said, his words muffled by his hands.

"You wanted to save her so badly. You believed it." I reasoned carefully. And he looked at me.

"Still, it didn´t give me the right to do this."

"You aren´t a horrible doctor, Edward. You love what you do and you are good at it." I said in a surprisingly strong voice.

"How do you want to know?" he half snapped, half sobbed.

"Because I know you. I know how hard you worked to become a doctor and I know how much you love what you do. You hate to see those kids suffer and you want to save each and every single one of them. But you can´t, Edward. Sometimes their time is just up." He looked at me for a long moment, letting my words sink in.

I flashed him an encouraging smile. I just wanted him to feel better. He blamed himself and he hated himself for not having been able to save his little patient. I didn´t want him to suffer like this. He didn´t deserve it.

"You are incredible." He whispered so low that I almost didn´t hear it. I had no idea what he meant, so I ignored it.

"I know you feel guilty and that you doubt your abilities right now, but there´s no need to. I´m sure you did all you could to save her and even more." I said instead.

Before I knew what was happening, he had leaned over and hugged me tight. He sobbed and clang onto me and I couldn´t find it in me to push him away. He needed comfort at the moment and he had decided that I was the person to give it to him. So I gave it to him. I hugged him back and let him soft into my hair. I stroked the back of his neck and mumbled encouraging words.

I let him cry till he calmed down and even when he did, he didn´t let go. He held me tight and his nose was in my hair. I thought I heard him sniffling it once or twice but dismissed the thought immediately.

"Thank you, Bella." He eventually sighed and pulled back. His eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks still wet. Before I knew it, I reached up and stroked them away.

"No need to thank me, Edward." When I wanted to pull back, he grabbed my wrist and put my hand back onto his cheek, then he leaned into my touch and closed his eyes again.

"Edward." I whispered surprised. He opened his eyes again and his gaze burned into mine. I knew I should have looked away, pulled away, gotten up, but I was trapped in those endless green pools of green. Time stood still and my heart beat so fast in my chest that I was afraid it would jump out of it any second.

"Bella." He said, his voice softer than ever before. A shiver went down my spine and this time it was in a positive way.

"Y…yes?" I stuttered.

"May I…" he flushed slightly. Edward Cullen could flush?

"May I kiss you?" my eyes widened and my mouth dropped open.

He… he wanted to kiss me? Edward Cullen wanted to kiss me? Why? To feel better? Because he needed comfort and I was here anyway? WHY?

To say I was confused was the understatement of the century, but I felt also… excited.

I bit my lip, but he freed it with his thumb.

I wanted to jump up and run away, I wanted to… what did I want? I didn´t know anymore, or did I?

"Bella?" he whispered and leaned in closer. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Yes, you may kiss me, Edward." I didn´t open my eyes to see his reaction, but when he brushed his oh so soft lips against mine, I realized something.

This kiss may only be to comfort Edward, but I was finally ready to admit it. I was still in love with him. Probably more than ever before.

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	25. Chapter 25

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My mind was racing just as much as my heart and I couldn´t help but to press myself more into this intoxicating man that used to be my personal devil and made me now feel like never before. His arms sneaked around my waist again, holding me flush against his chest. When his tongue darted out and licked my bottom lip to ask for entrance, a gasp escaped me and he took it as an invitation. I got lost in our kiss, all rational thoughts leaving me and the feelings taking over. Never in my life would I have thought that I could feel like this. So… wanted and…

One of his hands left my waist and came up to stroke m hair and cheek. His touch was so tender and careful, like it was something precious. My body moved on its own accord and suddenly I was straddling his lap. My hands in his soft locks again and tugging softly. A low moan escaped him and I froze. What was I doing here? I was making out with Edward, my FRIEND! A friend, who was devastated over the loss of his patient.

My eyes flew open, wide and full of shock. Also Edward must have realized what we were doing, because he looked just as shocked at me.

"Bella… I…" he began but didn´t know how to go on. I got off of his lap as fast as I could without making a fool of myself and falling flat onto my behind.

"I have to go now." He suddenly said and got up himself. Though I knew it was best, my heart sank. I had been wrong of me to kiss him like that, but it had also so… right. I didn´t want him so leave, but the look on his face told me that he just wanted to get out of here.

"Uhm… okay." I mumbled and bit my lip.

Before I could react, he had grabbed his jacket and had left with a mumbled ´bye´.

I had no idea what had just happened, but it hurt. It really hurt. So must that I sank back onto the couch, curled into a ball and let the tears flow.

2 weeks till the wedding and things were going crazy. There was still so much to do and though Alice was annoying as hell, I was happy that she was there to help Leah and me with everything. It was stress, but we also had a lot of fun together and it made me happy to see that Alice and Leah got on so well. I could have all my friends without having to split the time. Things were really going great so far. At least when it came to them. With Edward it was different. 3 weeks had gone by since our ´make-out-session´ and we hadn´t talked once since then. I knew it was ridiculous, but I didn´t dare to text or call him. He surely needed time to sort everything out. How I hoped he would sort it out soon, I really missed him. But I was scared. What if he really thought it was wrong to kiss me? I wouldn´t be able to pretend like nothing happened and go on like before.

"Hey, Bella. Are you bringing someone to the wedding?" asked Leah when she, Alice and I were at her house for some last minute planning.

"Nope, I´m coming alone." I answered. She and Alice looked surprised at each other.

"Really?" blurted Alice out.

"Yes, why?"

"Uhm… we thought you would come with… Edward." I looked with raised eyebrows at Alice, before I looked down and bit my lip.

"No, I´m coming alone."

"Did something happen?" asked Leah now and I tensed up.

"No, why?" I replied innocently, but of course the girls didn´t believe me.

"Oh, maybe because my dear brother and you aren´t yourself in the last time. Or because both of you are all weird when asked about the other. And maybe because both of you seem to be so sad?" Alice looked with one raised eyebrow at me while she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Nothing happened." I mumbled without looking at her or Leah.

"We know you, Bella. Something happened and you know you can tell us." Encouraged Leah now softly and put her hand onto my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

"There is nothing to tell." I said in a stronger voice and got up. And it was true. There was really nothing to tell. Obviously, Edward regretted the kiss and I wouldn´t blame him for it.

"What happened?" asked Alice now scared. I made the fault to look at her. She looked really concerned and scared.

"Did he… was he… mean to you again?"

"What? NO! He did nothing wrong!" I called shocked.

"Then what happened?" she called herself.

"I told you that nothing happened."

"Oh really? Then why aren´t you talking to each other?" asked Leah now impatiently.

"Because there was no time. We were both busy." Huh? Since when could I lie so easily?

"I don´t believe you." Snapped Alice.

So much about being able to lie.

"Not my problem." I snapped myself.

"Damn it, Bella. Why do you always have to be so careful about everything? Something happened between the 2 of you. Why can´t you tell us?" Alice´s voice rose with every word.

"Because it´s none of your business." A hurt look crossed her face and I almost regretted my words.

"It IS my business! You 2 need help, Bella." My eyes narrowed at her.

"We don´t need help. We are adult and can sort out or stuff alone."

"Oh really? Doesn´t look like." I knew what she was trying to do. She tried to provocate me to get answers and I should have been able to handle it, but my temper got the best of me.

"You know what, Alice? We don´t need help. We are able to sort this situation out all alone. We need time to figure out our kiss. So stop pushing." I snapped. Both girls looked with wide eyes and open eyes at me and I felt proud of having told them off.

"You… you…" began Leah and I looked confused at her.

"OMG, really? FINALLY!" squeaked Alice and jumped up and down in her seat.

What are they talking about? Why are they so happy that I had told them off? I mean I just told them to keep their business and that we needed time to… Oh no! Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

My hands flew to my mouth, my eyes wide as I stared at an excited Alice and a wide grinning Leah.

"Forget I said anything. I have to go now." I said horrified and grabbed my bag. On my way to the door, a certain little pixie blocked my way out.

"Not a chance, honey. You´ll stay and tell us." She demanded.

"No, I won´t." I tried to decline.

"Yes, you will." Said Leah now from behind me.

Knowing that I had no chance against the force of the pixie, combined with Leah, I sighed deeply and went back to where Leah still sat and took a seat.

"Okay… spill." Said Alice seriously.

"It´s really nothing, girls." I tried one last time, but they just raised each an eyebrow at me.

"He came over after work, about 3 weeks ago. He was really devastated because he lost a patient that day and… I don´t know… he just stopped by. We talked and then we kissed." I tried to make a long story short.

"And what happened then?" asked Leah, sensing that something was off.

"Nothing. He grabbed his jacket and couldn´t get out fast enough." I admitted with a sigh.

The girls were silent for a moment.

"He´s scared, Bella." Said Alice eventually and I looked in disbelieve at her.

"He´s scared of his feelings for you. He can´t forgive himself what he did to you and…"

"That´s bullshit." I cut her off and shook my head.

"We talked about that and I told him to not feel guilty."

"Maybe, but this is Edward. He´s over analyzing everything. And, though I love my brother dearly, he really has problems to talk about his feelings." At that moment, I realized, how much Alice loved her brother and how much she wished for him to be happy.

Leah just nodded.

"Bella, please. You are the only one who can help him to be happy."

"Alice, who am I to…" but she shook her head.

"Please." She begged again.

I bit my lip. Why was she so keen on this? I didn´t understand it.

"Why?" I heard myself ask and looked questioning at her.

"Why what?" she asked confused.

"Why are you so keen on Edward and me being together? Why do you say things like this? Why…?" I sighed frustrated, but she remained quiet. Alice Cullen being quiet was such a bad sign.

"Why?" I whispered again, begging her with my eyes. She looked sad at me and shook her head.

"Okay. See you girls soon." I turned around.

"Because you are in love with him and he is in love with you. Always were, always will be. Because you are the only person who can help him out of the whole he´s living in. Because you are the only person who gets through to him. Even his family isn´t able to talk to him properly anymore. He´s suffering, Bella. Not only because he´s still blaming himself for what he did to you, but also because he thinks he´s not worth of being happy." I heard Leah say and froze. She was panting heavily after her rant and my heart was racing.

"What?" I whispered without turning around.

"It´s true, Bella." Sobbed Alice.

"Please, Bella…" I didn´t hear what else she had to say, as I stormed out of the house, jumped into my truck and drove off as fast as I could.

Some time later, I found myself in front of Edward´s house. The lights were on, so he was home. But what was I doing here? What did I want to tell him? What did I want to do? I had no idea, still I was here.

I had really missed him the last few days and I just wanted to see him and to talk to him. I didn´t care if he regretted the kiss. We could be friends, because I just wanted him to be okay.

"Bella?" he asked surprised, when I stood in front of his door after having knocked.

"Hey." I greeted weakly and took him in. He looked perfect, like always, but also tired.

"Come in." he stepped aside and opened the door further. I just nodded and passed him by, my head down.

"Hungry?" he asked, I shook my head.

We took a seat in the livingroom, where I wrung my hands and bit my lip forcefully.

I had really no idea how to start this and what to say.

"Are you okay?" he asked so concerned that I shivered and took my hand in his. I looked for a moment at our entangled hands, surprised how perfect they fit together.

"Why did you run away?" I asked before I could chicken out. I saw him tensing up from the corner of my eye and he pulled his hand back.

The following silence was defeating and my heart sank.

"I didn´t want to make it arkward for you." He eventually mumbled and my head snapped up, but he wasn´t looking at me.

"Arkward?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He looked at me, his eyes so intense, yet sad that I shivered.

"Oh… I see… well, we are friends and it´s okay. The situation was… I mean… it´s really okay." I stuttered when I realized that he really regretted the kiss. Traitorous tears welled up in my eyes and I ducked my head, my hair creating a curtain around me.

"What?" called Edward and I jumped in my seat.

"I mean… it´s okay that you regret it. I´m not mad at you and…" I trailed off when I noticed how furious he looked.

"Do you regret it?" he asked after a few calming breaths.

Should I tell him? Where was the use in telling him? It would only cause a heartbreak… my heartbreak. But where was the use in lying? My heart would be broken, no matter what.

"No, I don´t." I whispered with closed eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

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**Okay, this chapter is… read and find out.**

The silence that followed was comforting and defeating at once. Comforting because I had a few more minutes before he would blow me off and defeating because I was sure that he would do just that. Could I do that? Could I live through the rejection? Well, I would have to, wouldn´t I?

I could run away, but where would be the use in it? We would have to face it sooner or later and it was me who had shown up at his place, not vice versa.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, but Edward wasn´t there anymore.

"Edward?" I asked carefully, but no answer.

"Edward?" I asked again, this time louder. Again no answer. Had he left? Why?

Right then my cell chirped, telling me I had a new message.

_I´m sorry, I can´t. Edward._

I stared blankly at the text for what felt like ours (probably was), but then anger rose inside me.

_Fine. I can´t, too. Have a great live. Bella._

I typed in and hit send.

"Hey Bells! You look like you´ve just eaten a lemon. What´s up?" asked Jake and put his arm around my shoulder.

I scowled at him and shoved off his arm.

"Whoa! What´s the matter?" he asked with his hands up in defense.

"Nothing. Did you fetch the tuxedo now?" I snapped. He eyed me concerned and nodded.

"Good." With that, I brushed past him and went to check on something else.

"Bella?" asked Alice behind me and I sighed frustrated.

"What?" she looked taken aback by my harsh tone.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure! Perfectly fine, Alice. If you would excuse me now. I have to take care of this." She lingered a moment longer, but left eventually and let out a long breath.

"What´s the matter with her?" I heard Leah ask when I passed by the kitchen.

"I have no idea. She´s in such a bad mood." Agreed Alice.

"I´ve never seen her like that." Threw Jake in, but he sounded really concerned.

"Do you think it has to do something with HIM?" Alice sounded unsure and kind of horrified.

"Of course it has! Who else could be the reason?" boomed Jake so loud and mad that I jumped.

"But… I don´t get it! She went to talk to him and ever since, she´s like that. And he…" Alice trailed off and my curiosity got the best of me. What had happened to him?

"He what?" demanded Leah to know now.

"He left and nobody knows where he went." A little sob escaped the pixie.

"Do you think she... rejected him?" asked Jake now carefully and I tensed up. How could he think that?

"Who knows? She wouldn´t talk about it and he is gone." Answered Leah.

Again anger rose inside me. First it was him who ran off and now my best friends accused me for having rejected him?

"What the hell!" I called before I knew what was happening and rounded the corner. The three of them stared at me with wide eyes, like deers caught in the headlight.

"Bella… we… uhm…" stuttered Jake and looked apologetically at me.

"Keep that shit, Jake. Do you really think like that?" Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt betrayed by my best friend, by my brother. He really thought like that. I could see it in his eyes.

"Whatever." I spew at him before he could react and stormed out of the room.

"Bells! Bella!" called all 3 and came after me. They catched up with me when I reached my car.

"We´re sorry, Bella. We just don´t understand what happened." Said Alice fast and grabbed my shoulder, but I shoved it off and whirled to her. Hurt crossed her eyes and left me with a guilty feeling. It wasn´t her fault, neither was it Leah´s or Jacob´s fault. They were just concerned about me.

Instead of giving them a piece of my mind because I was pissed (extremely pissed), I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.

"I´m sorry." I eventually got out and looked at the ground.

"What happened?" asked Leah so soft that new tears welled up in my eyes.

Instead of answering, I took my cell out of my bag, opened the text from Edward and showed it to them.

"I don´t understand." Said Alice carefully.

"I went to talk to him. I told him that I don´t blame him and that he should stop blaming himself and then I asked him about our kiss." I began.

"You KISSED?" called Jake shocked, but fell silent as soon as he caught Alice and Leah glaring at him.

"He thought it would be arkward for me and that´s because he left." I got on, still looking at the ground.

"He asked me if I regret it and I answered him the truth. That I don´t regret it. My eyes were closed when I told him and when I opened them again, he was gone. I called him, but got no response. Instead I got this text from him."

My 3 best friends were silent for a moment before a sob let all of us jump. It was Alice, who looked like she was about to fall apart.

"I´m so sorry, Bella. I really thought you could save him from himself." She threw herself into my arms and sobbed into my shoulder. Though felt horrible, I comforted her. This was even harder for her than for me.

"It´s okay, Al. It´s not your fault." Jake and Leah watched me sad, but said nothing. I managed even a weak smile, thanking them silently for it.

The day of the wedding. The house was buzzing, mostly because of Alice´s hyperactivity, but all of us were infected. I was so happy for Leah and Jake that they finally got their happily ever after. They really deserved it. As I came to the wedding alone, I asked Billy to be my date and he accepted with a wink and a little blush. So I was with the girls getting ready at my house while Jake and Billy were in La Push.

"I´m so nervous." Said Leah with a shaking voice while Alice did her magic on her Hair and makeup.

"It´s normal to be nervous, but this is Jake." The happiest smile crossed her face when I mentioned his name.

"Yes." She breathed, but then her face fell.

"I just wish Mum could be here today. She would kick Jake´s ass about making me happy and all." I knew how she felt. Also I missed Charlie today more than ever. Jake had been like a son to him and he would have loved to part of this day.

"She´s with you, Leah. She´s with you all the time." I said honest and put my hand onto her shoulder. She understood what I meant because we felt the same way and looked thankful at me.

"Don´t you dare to cry. It will ruin your makeup." Scolded Alice and both of us had to giggle. Leave it to Alice to lighten up the mood.

The wedding was more than I could ever have wished for my 2 friends. It was simple but 100% them. And the love between the 2 of them was almost touchable. When Leah walked down the aisle towards the man she loved, his eyes filled with tears. He shot me a short look that said so much more than words. He thanked me for having encouraged him to ask her out and for still being his friend. I returned his smile and winked.

Though I was really happy for them, I was also sad. I still wanted to have what they had or Alice and Rose (who stood next to me at the altar) with Jasper and Emmett. Both men couldn´t take their eyes off the women they loved and the girls looked back with the same affection. I knew it wouldn´t be long till they would make the same step as Jake and Leah. They were made for each other and I believed nothing could come between their love. Everybody got their happily ever after, only not me.

A tear slipped down my cheek and I was thankful that people would think it was because of my happiness, not my sadness.

When I scanned the rows, I saw many familiar faces from La Push and Forks. They smiled back at me, some winked and I felt my smile growing from forced to being true, but when my eyes fell onto the 2 people way back, I froze. A pair of intense green eyes bore into mine with such force that I shivered, while the second pair of blue eyes shot daggers at me.

Edward was back and he had a beautiful blond woman on his arm.

***hiding behind the couch and waving the white flag* please don´t kill me! It wasn´t me! Well, it was, but it came to me on its own, I swear!**

**What do you think, good, bad, horrible? How shall it continue? Any ideas?**


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay, you if you don´t hate me by now, you will hate me after this chapter. I´m sorry, but I had to do it. **

**PLEASE READ THE BOTTOM MESSAGE! **

All air left my lungs and the room began to spin, my chest so tight that it hurt.

"Bella, you okay?" whispered Rose and put her hand onto my shoulder, but I couldn´t react. My eyes were glued to the perfect couple in the back. When the woman snuggled into Edward and he put his arm around her, my body began to tremble. How could he do this to me? I thought we had something together.

A gasp let me look to my side. Alice stared with wide eyes at her brother, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Tanya." She whispered and my heart sank. She knew who the woman was.

Luckily the ceremony was about to end and I couldn´t wait to get out of here, but I had to play my role for the happy couple. So when Alice and Rose looked concerned at me, I just shook my head, shrugged and forced a smile onto my face.

"Does my beautiful date want a ride over to the party?" asked Billy charming, when we stood outside the church inbetween the guests. It was really packed and I was happy that I didn´t have to see Edward with his new toy anywhere. Maybe I was lucky and he had left.

I saw Billy showing at his lap and giggled.

"Too kind, but I think I can walk."

"Aww, what a pity." He sighed playfully and my tightened chest widened a bit.

The reception was wonderful. Leah and Jake beamed at each other and everybody got along perfectly fine. I stood with Emmett and Jasper, who looked like they wanted to protect me from something. They talked animatedly to me and whenever I turned my head to watch the crowd, they distracted me with something. I knew what they were doing. They didn´t want me to see HIM with HER and I was somehow thankful for it.

"Would you give me the honor of this dance?" asked Carlisle me and held out his hand to me.

"You do remember the time I nearly broke your foot while dancing, do you?" I asked skeptically and he chuckled.

"You stepped onto my foot, you didn´t nearly break it, Bella." He responded and led me to the dancefloor.

We began to sway to the music and he watched me softly.

"What?" I asked self conscious and bit my lip.

"Nothing, nothing. I was just remembering things." He mumbled with a true smile.

"Things?" he nodded.

"You know that you are like a daughter to Esme and me, don´t you. We truly love you… all of us and we don´t want to lose you." I searched for a moment in his eyes and gasped when I realized what he was trying to tell me. He begged me to not run away again. He begged me to not turn away from them.

"Carlisle." I whispered shocked and touched. Did he really choose me about his own son?

"You don´t deserve to be treated like that, Bella. But we are here and we really love you… all of us." His eyes were soft, warm, but also sad.

"You can´t choose me over him. He is your son." My voice was so low that he barely heard me.

"He is and he always will. But I don´t agree with his behavior. He has to work out his problems on his own now." Suddenly, his eyes turned hard and his jaw clenched.

"No, Carlisle. Don´t do that to him and to your family. Please… not for me." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Why not? He treated you like…" but I shook my head.

"Family is all that matters."

"YOU are family, Bella." He insisted.

"And I feel happy and honored to be. But I can´t if you abandon him." To my surprise, my voice was calm and strong, my gaze not wavering. I meant what I said and I wanted him to understand.

Carlisle searched in my eyes for a while before he sighed deep. He suddenly looked very tired and I felt bad for him.

"I´m sorry, Carlisle." His eyes widened.

"I´m sorry that you have to endure all this because of me." He gasped.

"How… how can you say that? It´s not your fault!" I just shrugged.

"Not wholly, but partly… can you do me a favor?" he nodded fast.

"Don´t give him up. He needs you more than he wants to admit to himself." Carlisle stroked my cheek tenderly.

"Only if I don´t have to let my daughter go." The first tear rolled down my cheek.

"You don´t have to. But you may understand that I want to keep my distance from him." He nodded.

We were silent for a while. I really wanted to know who the blond woman… _Tanya_ was, but I didn´t dare to ask.

"They met during university and dated for a while, but she left him after a few months." Said Carlisle suddenly, sensing my question.

"Seems like they got back together." I mumbled. He looked endlessly sad at me and nodded. This very moment, my heart broke. Though it was stupid, my heart had hoped they would just be friends, but Carlisle´s confirmation was it.

"I´m so sorry, Bella." He mumbled and wanted to pull me into his arms, but I took a step back.

"I… have to…" I stuttered and left the dancefloor as fast as I could.

Alcohol was my salvation now. It was the only thing that was able to numb my pain. I decided to forget about Edward and his company and to get as drunk as possible. My mood lightened after a few drinks and I began to enjoy myself. I talked and laughed with people I wouldn´t remember the next day and even danced with a few guys. They flirted with me and I kind of enjoyed the attention. It distracted me from the greeneyed man that seemed to always be near me.

"I think you had enough." I heard a harsh voice behind me when I got myself another drink. I turned my head towards the voice and snorted.

"And that is your concerned because…?" he huffed.

"It is my concern when you get wasted." A giggle escaped my throat.

"Wrong. It´s NOT your concern." I turned back towards the barkeeper, Tom, flashed him a charming smile and took my drink. A big hand appeared in front of me and took the drink from me.

My eyes narrowed at him as he held it out of my reach.

"Give it back." I said slowly.

"You had more than enough." He responded. I glared for a moment at him, but then I sighed and turned back to Tom.

"Another one, please. Mine was stolen."

"She had enough, don´t you think so? You can give her water." Both, Tom and me jumped at the threatening voice.

Tom´s eyes wandered between Edward and me, unsure about what to do.

"I´m old enough to drink what and how much of it I want." I snapped.

"You are obviously not. Drinking and flirting with each male here. That´s not you, Bella." Edward´s words were harsh, but also concerned. I didn´t give a fuck.

"And how do you want to know that?" I challenged, surprised by my own boldness. His hard mask cracked a bit.

"I know you, Bella. The real you." I snorted again.

"No, you don´t. And now excuse me please. I have a drink waiting for me." With that I turned back to Tom and winked at him. He chuckled under his breath and handed me another drink. I smiled sweetly at him and left the bar, but didn´t get far.

"Damn it, Bella!" called Edward mad and tried to take the glass out of my hand, but I didn´t let him.

"You already have one of my drinks, why do you want another one? You can get it yourself." I teased.

"Bella? Everything okay?" asked Em carefully as he approached us.

"He stole my drink and now he wants the second one." I whined. Gosh, I was really drunk. Em chuckled.

"Okay… don´t you think you had enough for one night?" I sighed and nodded. When he took my glass, I didn´t complain at all.

"Let´s get you some water and something to eat. I think there is something left." Again I nodded.

"So you listen to him, but not to me?" asked Edward hurt and I jumped. I had forgotten that he was here.

"Edward." Warned Em and put his arm around my waist in a protective way.

"I asked you a question, Bella." He almost growled, completely ignoring his brother.

"Yes." Was my simple answer. Hurt flashed across his beautiful face.

"Why?" he asked, his voice suddenly silent.

"BECAUSE Em is my fried and you are…" I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. More hurt, combined with pain filled his eyes, but I couldn´t take it back, it was the truth.

"Let´s go, Squirrel." Said Em softly and pulled me with him.

"Bella." Begged Edward behind me and he sounded so defeated that it broke my heart.

"Go back to your date, Edward. She´s surely waiting for you." I said calmly and walked with Em away.

"You okay?" asked Em concerned when we reached the others.

"What happened?" asked Alice alarmed when she took us in.

"A little meeting with Eddie." He huffed mad.

"Please, Em. He´s your brother." I said and put my hand onto his arm.

"And you are my little sister. So?" I was touched by his honest words.

When I took a seat, I saw Edward at the other side of the room with _Tanya_ in his arm. She beamed up at him, but his eyes were trained on me. I held his gaze and raised an eyebrow at him.

He brushed with his hands through his hair and blew out a breath before turning to the woman and flashing him a panty dropping smile. My heart broke a littlebit more.

"I think I better go now. I had too much to drink and am tired." I mumbled and got up on shaky legs.

"Shall I take you home?" offered Jasper. Always the gentleman.

"No, thank you. It´s not far and I need a bit of fresh air." They all nodded and hugged me one by one.

"Send a text so we know that you arrived some save." I nodded and went to search for Jake and Leah. They were so happy and beamed all the time. I didn´t want them to see me like that and decided to leave without saying goodbye.

"I´ll tell them you didn´t feel well and had to leave." Said Alice behind me.

"And you don´t even have to lie." We laughed forced.

The evening was cool, but not too cold. The fresh air helped me to clear my mind and to understand what just happened. I walked slowly, needing the time to think.

Why did he do that? Why did he had to show up and MY best friend´s wedding with another woman? His ex-ex-girlfriend? Why did he have to shove his new found happiness into my face? It wasn´t fair. Well, where is written life is fair? At least I knew how things were now and he was back. Good for his family.

"Bella!" I heard a too well known voice from a distance behind me and sped up my steps.

"Wait!" he called, but I didn´t react. I was on the edge of running now, but of course he reached me in no time. He hurried past me and blocked my way.

"What do you want, Edward?" I asked, feeling tired and drained.

"Talk." He simply answered.

"There´s nothing to talk about." I tried to step around him, but he didn´t let me. All the time, I kept my head down and my arms around myself. I wasn´t in the mood for another fight with him and I wasn´t strong enough for it either.

"There is. Please, Bella. I…" but I cut him off.

"Everything is said, Edward. Now let me through, please." My eyes were still trained on the street, but my voice was strong.

"No." My head snapped up, my eyes wide.

"Let me at least explain." He took a step towards me, but I took a step back.

"Bella, please." His eyes were so intense that I shivered, his voice soft. I shook my head again.

"Don´t be stubborn. I just want to explain." He sighed a bit frustrated and my anger came back full force, if not stronger than ever before.

"How dare you, Edward?" I whispered and his eyes widened a bit.

"Who do you think you are to have any right to talk to me at all?" a shocked gasp escaped me, followed by a whimper.

"Bella… I…" he tried, but I didn´t let him.

"No, Edward. Everything is said between the 2 of us. You´ve made your decision, now live with the consequences." He stared with wide eyes at me, his eyes opening and closing several times, but nothing came out. I would have laughed, if I wouldn´t have been so mad.

"I´m tired of all this drama. I just want to go home and sleep. I want to enjoy my life with my friends and with my second family without having to think about you. Ever since I know you, all my thoughts were about you, Edward. Did you know that? Not because I was horrified of you of mad. No…" I shook my head with a little smile.

"They were because of you because I´ve always been in love with you. Even when you bullied me, even when you were a complete asshole to me. EVEN THEN, damn it. I always hoped you would notice me for who I really am someday and for the past couple of months I really thought you would, but I was wrong. All this selfloathing, all the regret and the doubts are bullshit Edward. You never really cared about me or my feelings. You always only cared about yourself and how YOU feel. That´s okay, but don´t bother me anymore, okay?" I was panting, my eyes daring him to complain, while he watched me with a blank expression.

"Go back to Tanya, Edward. She is what you want. That´s okay, really. But don´t bother me anymore." I stepped around him, needing all my power to not cry in front of him.

"We are friends, Bella." He whispered. I turned back to him. He stood with his back to me, his head down. He looked so broken.

"I thought we were for some time. But the truth is… we never were and we never will be. You send me the text, telling me you can´t do this. Well, I can´t do this anymore, Edward. I can´t and I don´t want to. I meant it when I wished you a great life, because I wish you just that. But I´m not a part of it anymore." My voice was dead and cold, just like I felt on the inside.

"One advice, Edward." He didn´t move, but nodded to let me know he was listening.

"Learn to love yourself and let your family in. You need each other." With that I walked away from the man I loved.

My heart was soaring in pain, but I ignored it. It was better like that and I didn´t need love in my life. I had the Cullens, Jake and Leah… yes, even Billy. I didn´t need more in my life and definitely not Edward Cullen who broke my heart too many times to count it.

I got out my cell and typed a quick message to Alice.

_It´s over. Please take care of Edward. He needs you now. Don´t worry, you won´t lose me. I´m fine, have a great night._

It didn´t even take a minute for her to answer.

_He´s in good hands with us. We love you Bella, you know that, right?_

The door closed behind me and the tears began to flow. With shaky hands, I managed to type one word.

_Yes_

I didn´t need Edward Cullen in my life. I had so many wonderful people around me, people who loved me and accepted me the way I was. I would get over him and I would be happy. I had endured worse than a little heartbreak.

"Goodbye, Edward. I really wish you the best." I whispered before smiling a bit and letting sleep overtake me.

**I know, I know! Horrible, isn´t it? I think this will be my last chapter, but I COULD write an epilogue of one or 2 chapters. What do you think?**


	28. Chapter 28

**WOW! Over 30 reviews on the last chapter.**

**First of all, I´m sorry for having you lost so confused, it wasn´t my intention.**

**Then, thank you all SO MUCH for you reviews! Thank you for liking my story so much and thank you for kicking my ass. I think I really needed it ;)**

**I decided to write this chapter to explain a littlebit and hope it works.**

**I hope you like it!**

"BELLA! OMG! OMG! OMG!" screamed Alice into the phone and I had to hold the receiver away from my ear to save my hearing.

"OMG! I really can´t believe it! Well, I can! But… It´s so perfect and… OMG!"

"Whoa, Alice! Calm down! What happened?" I asked as she finally took a breath.

"What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? I´m engaged!" she screamed beyond happy.

"WHAT? Really? Congratulations!" I called, truly happy for my best friend.

"YES! I really can´t believe it!" She laughed and sobbed at once.

"Tell me EVERYTHING about it!" I demanded laughing.

"We went away over the weekend to a romantic place. It was so perfect, Bella. We took long walks, we talked for hours, we… you know what. And during one of those walks, when we were watching the sun settling down, he asked me. I´m getting married!" I laughed again, her excitement was just too cute. But there was also the hole in my chest widening.

Which hole? The hole that had been in my chest ever since Jake´s and Leah´s wedding. Meaning for the last 6 months.

I hadn´t seen Edward again after that night, though he was still working at the hospital and living here. I tried to avoid him as best as I could and I guess he did the same. To be honest… it was hell.

But I was still close to the Cullens, though they made sure to not meet their son and me both at a time and I was thankful for it.

Jake and Leah were so happy, having their house in La Push and planning a family already.

Em had popped the question to Rose about 3 months ago and they would get married soon. And now Alice and Jasper. Everybody got their happily ever after.

I also got mine in a kind of way, but not the romantic.

I had finished my book, having fallen into a frenzy of writing after that night and it had been published. Hard to believe, but true. And people seemed to like it. The selling went pretty good and I was asked to write more. So that was MY happily ever after.

As I hadn´t seen Edward, I also didn´t know how he was. I could have asked his family, but I didn´t and they never brought him up with me. It was a relieving and saddening at once.

Yes, he had been a complete ass… again, but I still cared for him. Did I still love him? Truth be told: I always have and always will.

Maybe I should start buying cats so I could become the strange, old cat-lady I knew I would become.

But still I was more or less happy with my life. The first 2 months after the wedding had been hard and I had been a mess, but eventually I got it (thanks to my friends).

"BELLA!" called Rose exaggerated as I was with her and Alice shopping the other day.

"Huh? Sorry, Rose. Did you say something?" she eyed me for a moment mad before her gaze softened.

"Zoning out again?" I bit my lip.

"Sorry."

"What do you think?" she asked, holding up a dream of a wedding dress. It was modest, but elegant.

"Try it on." I urged her.

Shortly after she escaped the dressing room and we all gasped. She was a vision.

"Perfect." Was all I could say. Alice nodded in agreement.

When Rose turned to the mirror, she gasped slightly.

"That´s my dress."

"Bella! Try this on! This is SOOO you!" called Alice and held out a dress. It wasn´t as elegant as Rose´s, but modest, simple and beautiful.

"Alice." I warned with narrowed eyes.

"No, Bella. She´s right. Try it on. Just for fun." Said Rose in a voice that didn´t allow complaining.

Knowing I wouldn´t win against those 2, I took the dress and put it on.

"Bella." Whispered Alice when I came back into the room.

"Wow! Now that is what I call the perfect dress!" called Rose in appreciation and my face went up in flames. Then she walked over to me, put her perfectly manicured hands onto my shoulders and turned me slowly towards the mirror. My eyes were closed, but when I opened them, all air left my lungs. The woman staring back at me was beyond beautiful. Her face was still slightly flushed, her eyes wide in disbelieve and her lips formed into a perfect ´o´. Her skin was flawless and her hair thick and of a rich mahagony.

"Believe it, Bella. That´s you. And you´ve always been this pretty." Said Alice honest, her smile soft.

"That´s… that can´t be me." I said and looked shocked at them.

"It is. Now we only have to find you a husband as we already have the dress." Stated Rose matter-of-factly and winked at me. I wanted to giggle or at least smile, but I couldn´t. I knew there would never be such a man for me.

The girls sensed my sadness and changed the subject fast.

"In a few months time, we have to shop for my wedding dress, but I want to go to NY or maybe France. What do you think, Rose. Just us girls. I also want to ask Leah…" Alice´s voice fanned into the background as I looked back at the mirror. How I wished I could wear this dress one day and walk in it towards the man I love. Preferably on the arm of my father. But as much as he would never walk me down the aisle, I would never wear that dress.

With a sigh, I turned back to the girls, but stopped when I saw a flash of bronze outside the window. It was so fast that I wasn´t sure I even saw it, but my heart missed a beat before restarting much faster.

"You okay?" asked Rose concerned. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, everything fine."

Em´s and Rose´s wedding was 2 weeks away and I was still trying to brace myself for the meeting with Edward that I wouldn´t be able to escape. He was Em´s brother and I would have to see him with HER on his arm. I would have to see how he looked at her with adoration, how he would flash her his crooked grin. How she would melt into his form when he put his arm around her and all the little but very intimate touches. I really just wanted to stay away from the wedding and hide, but I couldn´t do that. Em was like a brother and Rose was a close friend. So I would have to suck it up and get through it for their sake.

Luckily, I had some book signings these days that kept me from thinking too much. It was really great to see how people reacted to my book. They told me about how they imagined the people and how they saw the storyline. If only they knew. Still, it was really great.

This time, I was in Seattle in my former favorite bookstore. It wasn´t too big, but as I had spent hours in here when I was younger, it was important for me to come here.

The queue was pretty long and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I was also excited.

The day flew by with shaking hands and signing the books. I smiled for photographs, asked polite questions about how people liked the book and signed what felt like 1.000.000 books.

A young woman in her early twenties was next in line and handed me her book quietly. She wore thick glasses and was chubby. She reminded me so much of myself when I was younger.

"Hello, there. I´m…" I began to introduce myself, but she cut me off.

"Isabella Swan, I know. I have to tell you that…" she bit her lip nervously.

"… that I really love your book. Not only because it´s amazingly well written and romantic, but mostly because of the main character. You encouraged me to change my life." Her voice was low but steady, her eyes holding my surprised look with a mixture of shyness and confidence.

"Really? Wow. That´s the best praise I´ve ever heard." I replied honest and a beautiful smile appeared on her face.

"I mean it. You show that each and every person is pretty and special in their own way, no matter what they look like." I didn´t know why, but her words touched me deep inside.

"That was my intention. Thank you for telling me this." She nodded once, biting her lip again.

"My name is Sarah." This time I nodded.

"To Sarah, who made this book a real success by understanding the true meaning. From Bella Swan." I wrote down and handed it to her.

Again the smile appeared on her face, before she shook my hand and walked towards the exit. I followed her with my eyes and had to smile when I saw a young man waiting for her. He had waited patiently for the woman and beamed at her when she came to him. She gave him a peck on the cheek before he took her hand and led her outside.

Though I was tired, I felt reenergized by having been able to watch this scene and so I turned to the next person standing in front of my desk, but there was nobody left.

"Seems like your done." Said the owner with a happy smile as I turned to him.

"Yeah, seems like. My hand is happy about it." I replied and rolled my wrist and flexed my fingers. My hand hurt.

"Oh…" he turned his head to the side and I followed his lead.

My body stiffened and began to tremble slightly and my eyes went impossibly wide.

"Would you sign it for me?" asked a velvety voice shy. I could only nod dumbly as he put the open book in front of my. My hand was shaking as I tried to write my name onto the first page.

What was he doing here? Was he here to torture me? What did he want?

"Your name?" I asked in a hopeful professional voice, not wanting to show any weakness.

"Biggest ass on earth." Came without a second thought and I looked back up.

He held my surprised gaze calmly, his eyes trying to tell me things I wasn´t sure I wanted to know.

"Fits you." I shot back and wrote it down without hesitation.

He chuckled slightly and Goosebumps covered my stupid body.

"There you go." I said and handed him the book. As he took it from me, our hands touched and both of us jumped at the sudden electric shock. He looked deep into my eyes, but my guards were in its place.

"Have a good day." I said in a professional voice, my smile sweet but complete fake.

"Thank you." He nodded and left, leaving an empty feeling in my chest.

I was exhausted and tired after the long day, but also happy. It had been great to meet all those people and they really liked my book. As it was late and I was too tired to drive back to Forks tonight, I was staying in a fancy hotel for the night. I would drive back home tomorrow.

When I was lying in bed, I wanted to sleep desperately, but my eyes wouldn´t close. My mind was racing, the emotions I had managed to stuff into the back of my head, coming back full force. Why had Edward been here today? Surely not to get a copy of my book signed. But then why? Was he in town and saw me by accident?

My eyes wandered towards the flashing numbers on the alarm clock. 12.30 AM. Great. With a huff, I sat up and got out of bed. I surely wouldn´t get any sleep tonight, so why continue trying?

I got dressed and left the room, desperately needing some fresh air, but I didn´t get too far, as I saw a figure standing at the other side of the road when I left the hotel. The figure was tall with disheveled hair. Though I couldn´t make out the color of his hair or his face, I knew who it was immediately.

What was he doing here? Was he waiting for me?

Before, I could think about it, I was walking towards his tensed form, feeling surprisingly calm.

"I just want to talk and I hope that you´ll give me a few minutes." He said before I reached him and brushed with his hand through his hair.

The hole in my chest was bigger than ever before, but I knew I had to get over it. We needed to be able to at least get along for the sake of our friends and family.

So I just answered with a short ´Okay´, and began to walk again. He needed to process my answer, before he stumbled after me.

We walked a while in silence, both of us lost in thoughts… or better said, I was lost in thoughts while he was trying to gain the courage to start. I was extremely aware of his proximity, of the warmth radiating off his body while he walked next to me, his scent, his breathing.

"I´m the biggest ass on earth, Bella." He started. My steps didn't falter when he said this.

"How right you are." I said confidently and saw his head snapping to me from the corner of my eye.

"You´ve changed." He stated now somehow sad.

"Times change and so do people." He sighed deeply, his hand in his hair again.

"I…" he tried to speak again, but trailed off.

"Why are you here?" I whispered after another 5 minutes of silence.

"I needed to see you." This time I stopped and looked at him.

"Why?" his look was so sad that my heart ached for him.

"I… don´t know." He breathed out and shrugged.

My heart fell, but I managed to keep my expression blank.

"I… I´m so sorry, Bella. I´m so sorry for how I treated you, for all the pain I caused you and for how I left. Like I said, I´m the biggest ass on earth and I know that I don´t deserve your time." He suddenly began to ramble and my eyebrows rose in surprise.

"I just want to… explain, if you let me. I know I´ve fucked up and that… shit… but please… let me explain… but… I´m so sorry and… I miss you… and… Why do I have to be such and ass?" his voice rose with every word of his rambling and though it really wasn´t funny, a giggle escaped my throat. The perfect and never failing Edward Cullen was rambling like a nervous schoolboy.

He looked unsure at me, surely expecting to blow up into his face.

"Then explain." I said serious again. He took in a sharp breath, his eyes wide.

"Let´s go somewhere." He suggested, but I shook my head.

"You want to explain, the explain… here and now." I sat down on a nearby bench and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to start. He watched me for a moment in awe, before he sighed and trotted over to where I sat.

"I don´t know why I kept pushing you away… well, I do now, but I didn´t know back then. I was afraid of my own feelings and I couldn´t understand how you managed to get under my skin the way you did. You are the strongest person I know, so full of love, always there for the people you love. I thought I wasn´t worth of your time, friendship, love. I was thankful for anything you offered though. But the night I came to you, after my patient died. All I could think of was to see you, to be near you, to be with you. And you were there for me. You comforted me, you listened to me and you let me cry." I shuddered slightly as I thought back to that night.

"The kiss was all I had ever dreamed off and I wanted it so bad, but I thought I was using you. That´s why I left." My eyes snapped to him and narrowed.

"I know… stupid, right. But it became too much for me to handle, so I left without a second thought. I drove around aimlessly for hours and eventually, I found myself in front of Tanya´s house." I tensed up and my jaw clenched.

"We used to date when I was in college, but she left me for another guy. But with time, we became friends. She was surely surprised to see me, but let me stay for a while. I told her about you and how I felt and she offered me to accompany me to the wedding for moral support. I was really thankful for that. I wanted to talk to you so badly, to apologize, to explain…" a sound escaped his chest that sounded like a sob.

"To see you standing at the altar… I had only eyes for you and I thought Tanya knew it, but she had fooled me. She had been there for me and had offered me to accompany me because she wanted me back. I realized my fault and tried to get rid of her, but she wouldn´t refuse to leave. So she clang onto me while I had to see you getting drunk and flirting with those disgusting guys and I… got so jealous. I had dreamed of us sorting everything out and flirting, dancing and having fun together. That´s why I was so rude to you and I´m so sorry. And when I saw you leaving, I knew it was my last chance to talk to you, so I followed you." I snorted, not caring that it wasn´t ladylike.

"I know… I was so nervous and on the edge and to see the cold, but hurt look in your eyes broke my heart. And then you told me that I´m nothing to you…"

"I never said that." I cut him off.

"I know, but to me it felt like that. I just wanted to die." He wiped his face and slumped forward on the bench. He looked so broken.

"My family took care of me when I returned. They were there for me, but I knew they blamed me for having hurt you so much… still do. I stayed away from you, like you asked me to, Bella, but I watched you, made sure you are okay."

"I´m not a child, Edward. I can take care of myself." My voice was harsh, my look mad.

"I know… don´t I know it, Bella. You don´t need me." He sighed with finality.

"What do you want, Edward? Why are you here?" I asked now softer and looked away from him.

"I don´t know. All I know is that I had to see you again. That´s why I came here. Congratulations to the book, by the way."

"Thank you."

"Bella… I…" he looked from the side at me, his green eyes boring into mine, but so sad that I winced inwardly.

"I guess, I just had to see you one last time before I can let you go." I jumped slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I´ll leave. I got an offer to work as a doctor in Africa. They need medical help and I can´t stay here anymore." He answered.

What? NO! He couldn´t leave like that!

"What about your family?" I whispered, suddenly feeling very weak.

"They hate me for doing this to them." His voice suddenly sounded dead. He suddenly got up with a sigh.

"Thank you for having listened to me, Bella. I´m really sorry for everything. If I wouldn´t have been an ass, we could be happy now." He said flatly and turned away.

He was walking away from me and that for good. He couldn´t do that! He couldn´t leave me. Yes, I had asked him to leave me alone, but not to go to the other side of the world FOR GOOD!

Tears welled up in my eyes, as my eyes followed his retreating form.

"EDWARD!" I called before I knew it, jumped up and ran after him. He stopped, turned slowly to me and watched me surprised.

"How can you do this? Do you think it´s okay to leave for good? Why do you always have to run away, you coward? Do you have any idea what you do to everybody? How much you hurt them? Damn you, Edward Cullen!" I called, tears streaming down my face. I hit his chest with flat hands over and over again and he let me.

"Damn you, Edward Cullen. Stop being such a selfish pig." I sobbed.

"How can you do this? WHY?"

"Because I love you, Bella." He answered honest. I froze and looked with wide eyes at him. He held my gaze calmly, his eyes honest and sincere.

"You bastard!" I screamed and began to hit him again.

"Don´t you dare to love me so much to obey my wish to be left alone." His hands grabbed my wrist and held them to his heart.

"I love you, Bella. I wish I could show you how much… prove to you that I truly mean it, but I lost that opportunity. So I do the only thing I can do. I´ll leave for your happiness."

"Do you really think I can be happy when you are gone? Do you think this won´t break your family´s hearts? Do you think it won´t break my heart?" I tried to slap him again, but he held still my wrists with his hands. And then he hugged me suddenly. I tried to get out of his touch, but then I gave up. I melted into his body and clang onto him with all I had.

"Please, Edward. Don´t leave." I cried into his broad chest.

"Bella." He sobbed and pulled me, if possible, closer.

"I did everything wrong, Bella."

"Don´t leave." I said again. I knew I shouldn´t react like that. I should have been happy to see him go, but I couldn´t let him leave. Not for the sake of his family. It would break them, but also not for my sake. As much as an ass he was, I loved him.

"Bella, I…" he tried again. I pulled back and glared at him.

"You said you wish you could show and prove your love to me. Do it. Prove me that you really love me and fight for me, damn it. I´m not saying that I´ll forgive you like that, but maybe… with time, I´ll learn to trust you." His eyes widened and searched frantically in my eyes.

"You… you mean…?" he stuttered.

"Like I said… no guarantee." I replied with a shrug. He pulled me back into his arms, his face hidden in my hair as he sobbed silently.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you so much."

"Time, Edward." I said in a strong voice.

"Time." He repeated as he pulled back.


	29. Chapter 29

**Okay, everybody! That´s it. **

**I want to thank each and everyone of you for reading, adding, reviewing. I would have never imagined that you could really like my story and you encouraged me to write so much more than I originally intended.**

**Really… THANK YOU!**

**What more to say? I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing and have fun with the Epilogue**

"Oh my god! He left! He really left!" I heard a voice sob and smiled sadly.

"How could he do this? I mean… aren´t they meant to be together? Like… soulmates or something? And what is going to happen to them? Will they meet again? Will they have their happily ever after? They SO deserve it!" The rambling voice was so cute that I couldn´t help the giggle that escaped me and turned around.

"Aunt Bella! This is so unfair!" called Emily, her eyes glassy and her cheeks wet.

"What is unfair, Sweetie?" asked Jasper entered the kitchen.

"He left her, Dad! He really left her! I mean… such a great love and then that!" she called exaggerated and threw herself into her father´s arms. Jasper held her tight and shot me a look. I shrugged and smiled apologetically.

"You read Bella´s book, I assume?" he asked after Emily had calmed down. She sobbed silently and nodded.

"Yeah, I found it in Mum´s bookshelf and couldn´t stop reading. It´s SO good." She looked with misty eyes at me and I smiled.

"Like all her other books." Said Em now from the door and my head snapped to him.

"Is there a sequel? Oh please!" called Emily now hopeful and began to jump up and down. She was so much like her mother.

"No, there isn´t." I answered and her face fell.

"But how can you do this? I mean… it´s such a great story, but with such a sad ending." She sighed.

"There are rarely happy endings in true life, Emily. Sad, but true." She nodded.

"But you and Mum got yours, right?" she said and looked up at her father.

"Yes, we did, Sweetie." He answered with a true smile. His face lit up when he spotted his wife next to Em.

"But… I also want a happy end for the couple in the book. They love each other and they deserve happiness." Complained Emily mad.

For her 14 years, she was really stubborn.

"That´s what I said when I read the book for the first time, but Mum refuses to write a sequel." My 13 year old daughter Nessie agreed with her best friend and trotted over to where I sat on the couch.

"Oh please, aunt Bella. PLEASE!" begged Emily now with puppy eyes. So much like her mother.

"There won´t be a sequel, girls. But I can tell you something nobody knows about the couple in the book." I said with a smile and winked at all my friends.

"Really? What?" squeaked the girls excitedly and sat down beside me. Their eyes were shining, their expressions hopeful.

"There were real-life-rolemodels for the characters." I started.

"Really? Who?" blurted Nessie out.

"Well…." I began, but Rose cut me off.

"All of us." The girls looked with wide eyes at her.

"Oh no! Not that story again." Groaned Alex and Sam (Rose and Em´s twins) as they noticed what we were talking about and fled from the room.

I burst into laughter, while Rose rolled her eyes.

"Your sons." She snapped at her husband who pulled her into his side.

"Definitely." He agreed happily.

"So? Who is who?" asked Nessie impatiently.

"Can´t you guess?" asked Jasper not with a mysterious smile.

The girls thought for a moment, before Emily gasped.

"The main character is… you, aunt Bella?" Nessie´s eyes widened.

"Yes, it´s me… partly. But she is stronger than I was at this time." I admitted and sighed sadly.

"Not true." Complained Alice with a true smile.

The other´s agreed to her.

"But who is the guy? Do you know him? And why was he so mean? What happened? Did you really see him never again?" the questions from the girls made my head spin.

"Hold on, girls. Give Bella time to answer one question at a time, okay?" scolded Rose softly. The girls nodded fast and looked curiously at me.

"Yes, I know him. He was so mean because he didn´t know better at that time, but he changed and saw his faults." They nodded.

"Did he really leave you for good? Where did he go?" Nessie looked with her big brown eyes at me and I smiled.

"He went to Africa to help people in need." They both gasped.

"Really? Wow, so you really didn´t see him again." Emily sighed sad and looked at the book in her hands.

"But… if you loved him more than your life. How did you end up with Dad?" asked Nessie now with mixed feelings. A carefree laugh from the door made all of us jump.

"It sounds like you are disappointed that your Mum ended up with me." He said amused, his eyes twinkling.

"Never, Dad. But…" she bit her lip and looked helpless at me.

"Let me tell you what really happened." I offered fast and the girls nodded enthusiastically.

"Like I said, he left for Africa and it was hell. I missed him so much and just wanted him back home safe and sound. But we also used the time and talked a lot via internet and letters." I began.

"Can we read them?" asked Emily excited.

"No, you can´t. They are personal." Said Alice and looked sternly at her daughter, who looked guilty back.

"What happened then?" asked Nessie curiously.

"He stayed for a few months and eventually came back." I answered with a shrug.

"So he came back? What then? Tell us aunt Bella!" cried Emily and everybody chuckled.

"We began to get to know each other better, because before we really didn´t know each other." I looked apologizing at my husband, but he just shrugged and then flashed me his crooked grin that still made my knees weak.

"Mum! Stop ogling Dad and tell us!" called Nessie. Em burst into laughter and I blushed deeply.

"Can´t you imagine?" asked Jasper now smiling.

The girls looked confused at him for a moment, before their eyes widened.

"You… you mean…?" stuttered Emily. Nessie just stared open mouthed at me.

"It´s uncle Edward, girls! That´s SO obvious!" called Sam from the other room, his voice flat and bored.

"Oh my god! That is soooo romantic!" squeaked the girls. I smiled widely and looked at my beloved husband. Edward, who was now standing behind me, put his hands onto my shoulders and smiled back.

"It is, isn´t it?" he replied and bent down to kiss the top of my hair.

"But… if you got your happily ever after… then why didn´t you write a sequel?" asked Nessie now confused.

"Because it´s OUR happily ever after. And the world doesn´t need to know it." I answered with a soft smile. The girls thought for a moment about that and eventually nodded.

"So… you are all the other characters?" asked Emily now suspiciously.

"Are we?" asked Em with raised eyebrows.

"What? No… not at all. There are tons of big bulky men, blond goddesses, calm soldiers and little fairies with spiky black hair out there." I answered innocently.

There was a stunned silence before all of us burst into laughter.

"Wow, I´m happy you made it." Whispered Nessie into my ear and cuddled into me.

"Why that?" I asked and kissed the crown of her bronze hair.

"Because she wouldn´t have such a goodlooking father, if not." Answered Edward cockily and took a seat next to our daughter.

I just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh… there are plenty fish in the sea." His cocky grin faltered and I giggled.

"I also want to experience a lovestory like yours." Sighed Nessie. Emily nodded.

"You will one day, but hopefully not with all the drama." Rose sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Don´t act like that. I know how you love a good amount of drama." Jasper grinned lazily at his sister, who shot daggers at him with her eyes.

"Come on, Rosie. You know he´s right." Chided Em now and pulled her into his arms.

"True, but they could have made it so much easier and earlier, if Eddie here would have pulled his head out of his…"

"ROSE!" called Alice and me in unison. She bit her tongue and smiled sweetly at us.

"Sorry, but it´s true, isn´t it, Eddie?" she batted her eyelashes at my husband, who frowned.

"It is, but that´s in the past. All that matters is here and now." He leaned over and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"Get a room." Mumbled the twins when they trotted back in which earned them a hit in the back of their heads from their mother.

They apologized fast and took a seat on one of the couches.

I looked around the room, at my best friends and their children and couldn´t help but to feel thankful.

We had managed to stick together all those years. We helped each other in hard times, we shared the good times and we were happy. As they held my gaze, I knew they felt the same.

"One big happy family." Sighed Emily dreamingly. Nessie, who was still cuddled into me nodded, also the boys agreed.

Edward leaned over to me.

"You know that I love you, always have and always will." He whispered into my ear, which caused me to shudder. I looked at him and got lost in his beautiful green pools. Yes, we have had a rough start, but we managed to overcome our issues and were stronger than before now. If I learned one thing from all the drama we had to endure, it was that love could overcome everything. And that knowledge gave me the certainty that nothing would ever come between this wonderful man and me. We have had so many happy years together now and there many more to come.

"I love you." I whispered back and leaned against his shoulder.

**Thank you again! I love you ALL!**


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